Republican Patrick McHenry may redefine “totally and irreversibly fucked”. The North Carolina representative has found himself in the middle of both a voter fraud and a gay sex scandal. CBS first broke the story on Friday, reporting that McHenry’s former aide, 26-year old Michael Aaron Lay, has been indicted for voter fraud.

The indictment charges that [Lay] illegally cast his ballot in two 2004 Congressional primary run-offs in which McHenry was a candidate. The charges indicate that Lay voted in a district where it was not legal for him to vote.

At the time Lay was listed as a resident in a home owned by 32-year-old McHenry but campaign records indicate Lay's paychecks were sent to an address in Tennessee. McHenry won the primary by only 86 votes. According to Gaston County, North Carolina District Attorney Locke Bell, Lay was indicted on Monday, May 7 by a local grand jury.

Too add innuendo to injury, Lay wasn’t the only young man living at McHenry’s house, proving that no one goes down quite like a Republican.

CONTINUED »

Speaking of castration, Richard Peter Sciara (who also goes by the lovely name, "Master Rick"), long-time lover Michael Mendez and their sex-slave, Danny Carroll Reeves have all been sentenced to jail time after being tried for castrating six men in their North Carolina-housed sex dungeon.

Apparently the trio invited men from all over the world to experience the sexual magic of their dingy lair, only to have coppers crack down on them. While the men have all served their jail time after pleading guilty, the presiding judge, Dennis Winner, said that while the castrated men willingly put themselves in chains, "..this is a type of perversion that cannot be tolerated by society."

This case makes us recall the case of Armin Meiwes: the German man found guilty of "killing on demand" after Bernd-Juergen Brandes, asked him to kill and subsequently eat him. The gruesome pair ate the Brandes' penis first, before Meiwes cut him up and put him on ice. Certainly this qualifies as murder, but if someone offers themselves for such a horrible act, can they be found guilty?

The Meiwes case provides an extreme example of what's happened in North Carolina. All six men willingly had their willies chopped, but a court still ruled against Sciara, Mendez and Carroll. These cases both highlight the policing of sexuality. Whether we want to admit it or not, there are some sick fucks out there. Since gays object to their sex lives being regulated by outside forces (as seen in Lawrence v. Texas), we're curious to hear what you kids think of these horrifying cases. Should the justice system rule against these frightening fetishes?

3 Sentenced in Castration 'Dungeon' [WTOP]

A group of about a 12,000 Evangelicals took some time yesterday to march in support of a constitutional ban on gay marriage. Shouting "let us vote" and brandishing the typical signs, the group pleaded with lawmakers to hear their calls.

Some lawmakers insist that a new amendment's superfluous, as the state already has an amendment invalidating same-sex marriages. Others worry that the 1996 amendment's flawed and, therefore, can be found to be unconstitutional. An amendment specifically barring gay nups, then, will ensure North Carolina's blessed purity:

...Republican legislators who support the bill say a judicial ruling could find North Carolina's marriage law unconstitutional, forcing the state to recognize same-sex unions. Only a constitutional amendment can protect the state, said state Sen. Phil Berger, a Republican from Eden and the Senate's GOP leader.

"We've seen what's happened in other states and a constitutional amendment will keep that from happening in North Carolina"

He went on to say that they're hoping for a law banning homosexuality entirely, thus protecting future generation's from the most loathsome of sins: acceptance. That would be the most terrible thing in human history. Even worse than the Holocaust.

Okay, okay, he didn't really say that, but you can imagine it, right?

The Baptist State Convention of North Carolina ruled last week in favor of banning churches which approve of homos and their sinful homo "lifestyles". Obviously we're not so thrilled about this move. One man, however, absolutely adores the decision: Reverend William Sanderson aka "Pastor Bill".

Leader of North Carolina's Hephzibah Baptist Church, Sanderson's made quite a name for himself touting homo-hating and pressing for a more conservative church. In light of last week's decision, The News & Observer has a rousing piece on this god-fearing man. Among the more interesting tidbits, one can read about how Sanderson wanted to be a veterinarian, believes in the Virgin Mary and, of course, ain't too keen on the homos. He says:

We've got to fight for our children's lives. When they start saying in school that a man and a man is just like a man and a woman, well no, it's not.

We suppose from a biological perspective, Sanderson has a point. You see, women have vaginas and men have penises, so a man and a man together means no vagina, but two penises. Don't you love glaringly obvious gay math?

Also, can we point out a somewhat unsettling, yet unsurprising quote:

When we take God out [of America], what's God going to do?...He's going to spank our hind.

We can't help but think that Sanderson would love the feel of God's baby-soft rump slap. We can just hear him screaming, "Oh, God, yes, I've been a sinner! A dirty, dirty sinner! Almost as dirty as those fudge-packing faggots!" He'll beg and plead to be punished, yearning for that almighty penance. A busy entity, God's one-on-one lesson will most likely be cut short, leaving poor Sanderson with a nasty case of holy blue balls. And if there's one thing you don't want, it's celestial blue balls. Trust us, we know.

While we're on the subject of a. hate and b. religion, we've just heard that The Baptist State Convention of North Carolina has held a not-so-monumental vote to ban congregations that approve of homos and their sinful ways.

Myrtle Beach Online reports:

The vote changes the convention's long-standing laws, which previously only had one simple requirement for membership: support the convention with both cooperation and financial contributions. Now any church that "knowingly act to affirm, approve, endorse, promote, support or bless homosexual behavior" can't belong to the group.

Nice, huh? But don't think this doesn't mean the state's Baptist leaders don't have love for the homos. Convention executive director Milton Hollifield Jr insists:

This action does not mean that you should avoid ministry to the homosexual community... Even though we believe that homosexuality is wrong, we still love and engage those in this lifestyle.

If ever there were a moment to use everyone's favorite acronym of exasperation, it's now: WTF?

What we don't understand is how people can refuse to endorse homos, but then say they love them. This is some Shirley Phelps logic and we really just don't get it.

We know there's a thin line between love and hate, but this shit's ridiculous.

Remember Danielle Smiley, the North Carolina student whose push for a Gay Straight Alliance incited quite a PTA-related stir? Well, though her school has yet to reach a conclusion on the matter, Smiley's just received quite the ally: everyone's favorite civil liberty do-gooders, the American Civil Liberties Union.

Though local opponents insist a GSA will invite all sorts of homosexual evil, the ACLU is determined to push the move to completion. How determined? They've promised to devote their "full resources," whatever that means.

On a related note, a lovely woman by the name of Linda Kimball just penned this opinion piece in which she takes aim at Smiley and other GSA adherents. She writes:

The plain truth is that both the GSA and Gay, Lesbian, Straight Educators Network (GLSEN), the organization that registers GSAs, are part of a vast, interconnected network of Cultural Marxist front groups known collectively as the New Left. For over forty years, the New Left---a collection of Marxists, Stalinists, Trotskyites, Maoists, and anarchist--has been waging a Gramscian style “quiet revolution” for the overthrow of Christianity and America’s Constitution, Rule of Law, sovereignty, and way of life.

While propagandists in the media have deftly kept the attention of most folks riveted on what they’ve been told to believe are the ‘real threats’ to America, such as gas prices, genuine Christianity, and mad cow disease, Marxist-trained psychopoliticians, propagandists, and change agents have descended upon the schools and are subjecting children and older youth to thought control and social re-engineering methodologies.

Damn this bitch is good. She's summed up the last forty years of so in two concise paragraphs. We'd definitely need way more than that to form an appropriate response.

As we're constrained, we'll try to keep it short: fuck you. Yeah, that about sums it up.

Related: Gay Student Just Wants To Talk

A reader just sent us a story in which we think you'll have some interest. Danielle Smiley has come against some pretty heavy opposition in her quest to found a Gay Straight Alliance at her North Carolina high school. In typical Christian-right fashion, local pastors insist the club will be a hotbed of homo sin. The Herald Sun reports:

Local pastors and parents have denounced the proposal. They've said the club could help spread AIDS, encourage children to engage in sex and persuade others to become homosexual.

Ug, it's just so frustrating when people think all homos do is shoot drugs and have orgies!
All of us know that the GSA ain't nothing but a bunch of young homos and straight allies getting together to have nice, quiet chat.

It wouldn't be a "gay club" for recruiting homosexuals and promoting sexual activity, but instead would focus on raising awareness about homosexuality among all students, she said. It also would provide an opportunity for gay students to talk with their peers instead of their parents or adults, Smiley said.

With all the controversy, school officials called a community meeting to discuss the matter, which 130 people attended. A decision has yet to be made.

Smiley says she understands people's trepidation, but it all comes down to free speech:

I was raised as a Christian and I understand everything that the Bible says to me... I'm not forcing anyone to go to this club. But the First Amendment gives me the right to free speech... All we want is to have people treated the same.

Word.

• Anderson Cooper actually talks like a twelve-year-old girl. [Dlisted] Plus his new memoir sells well, but not well enough to be on top. [Gawker]

• Switzerland's new "Love Life, Stop AIDS" campaign uses talking "love lips" that are made out of a condom to amuse visitors to their website. They even talk in different foreign accents, which we found very exotic and sexy. [Love Life Stop AIDS via PCJ]

• West Hollywood may be turning straight. [LA Times]

• A Congressional candidate in North Carolina has put out a new radio ad featuring mariachi music that warns against the dangers of America becoming "one big fiesta for illegal aliens and homosexuals." That sounds kind of fun to us. [Raw Story]