• Anderson Cooper’s is tiny. Ryan Seacrest’s is huge. Their ties, you filthy, dirty minds. Watch it here.

• Madonna released a new song to her fan club members yesterday and not even we can come to its defense. With lyrics like “If I was an animal I’d be a lion” and “If I was a hero I’d be Martin Luther” we can see why it was left off the new album.

• The Queer Eyes are looking for gays to makeover this coming season. Personally, we would not let those queens near our hair, our homes, or our closets. Viewers should be making them over. Just look at their hair!

• This year’s must have coffee table book is, ahem, um, Bottom’s Up. Yes, it’s a bunch of boys baring their butts.

• Bird flu is killing the world’s hottest guys? Not quite, but it sounded like a believable excuse as to why Matthew McConaughey was named People’s “Sexiest Man Alive.”