Ladies and Germs, we've got a very special guest in the house for this week's Queerty Rebuttal. He's the most controversial figure in the history of man! He can smite you with a flit of his wrist! He bypassed all the evolutionary garbage and created the sun, moon and all of human civilization. The one, the omnicient: God!

(Applaud or be damned.)

It seems old the G-dude was cruising on through Queerty and came across our posting on 11 Spring Street's imminent transformation (The End of An Artistic Era). Inspired by - well, God knows what - He left us a message. He changed His name to "God Speaks" but we know it's Him:

God is speaking to Oregonians right now:
1. God will shake Oregon with storms, wind, rain, snow, power outages, fatal travel/hiking tragedies, and finally a big earthquake. This is a warning from God.
2. Why? Oregon is the most unchurched state in the Union. Portland is the most unchurched major city in the USA. The gay communittee in Portland celebrates it's SIN. They thumb their noses at God.
3. Repent! “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” God is perfect and holy, and our sins separate us from God forever. The Bible says “The wages of sin is death.” 50% of gay men never reach the age of 65, gay women have more cancer than straight women.

As for the cancer thing - well, we're not sure about that one. We can't find any evidence, but we're gonna keep looking. We did, however, find a number of articles that say lesbians are less likely to get regular check-ups. So, ladies, we hope you go to the gyno and all that. Can't have you dying on us.

Speaking of us - we're totally going to hell. That is, of course, is there is such a thing...