• Well, not really, but we bet the incarcerated producer behind Girls Gone Wild he'd love to profit off of Prison Guys Gone Wild.

• Details flippantly deliver the "truth": their rag's a total fag. Guess they really did deserve that GLAAD award.

• Whoopi headed to The View? That makes sense: she's kind of like a black Rosie O'Donnell. Only "not" gay.

• Boise State University and conservative Idaho Family Alliance's Bryan Fischer's "Transgender Bathroom Wars" continue. Honestly, we didn't know they had begun...

• We dont' understand a word of French singer Zazie's 1992 jam, "Sucre Sale", but we dig the homo-flavored, naked model filled video.

• Scandal-ridden congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham denounced his anti-gay ways after buying a yacht from a bunch of butt pirates, according to Seth Hettena, author of Feasting on the Spoils. He told "Buoy Toys'" former owners,

I now vote pro-gay, and it's because of you [guys]... I'm sure I've met lots of gay people, but I've never met two guys that, you know, were outwardly gay and ... that I would consider drinking buddies and friends and boating buddies and people I want to spend time with ... that also said, 'Oh, by the way, I just happened to be gay.

The purchase even Cunningham to apologize to openly gay congressman Barney Frank for his homophobic potty mouth, according to Radar. The article also points out the yacht led to a bribery investigation that ended his career. We wonder if he's still keen on the queens.

John Amaechi has become a household name since coming out, but he's hardly the first. Former (American) footballer Esera Tuaolo and baseballer Billy Bean also used their post-game lives to spread the good, gay word. Now the boys have come together for a very special Radar-endorsed sit down with Jack E. Jett.

Here's a snippet:

JJ: John, I read somewhere that you and Tim Hardaway are going to be doing something on TV together?
JA:: There's an enduring rumor out there that we're going to do Oprah together.

JJ: My hope was that it was going to include a no-holds-barred wrestling match.
JA: In terms of basketball, he can beat me soundly, but in terms of wrestling, I think I've got him.
ET: Believe me, dude, you'll have some backing.

A bit of a sporty love connection happening?

Read the entire conversation here.

We're not sure if you heard, but the military needs a few more troops to send to their deaths. So, the kids over at Radar decided to test their recruitment limits. Of course, their mission wouldn't be complete without a little 'mo action. Here's a taste of Harvey Fierstein getting the soldierly scoop:

HF: ...I keep hearing about this "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Is that, like, bitchy gossip?
RC: Actually, for something like that I'm gonna have to refer you here to my station commander. Let me put you on hold, you can talk to him. [Same recruiter comes back in a few minutes.] Now, what was that question, real quick, one more time?
HF: I hear a lot about "don't ask, don't tell" policy, I want to know if that means bitchy gossip in the locker room.
RC: No. [Explains DADT].
HF: Can you ask other soldiers about it?
RC: No.
HF: Can you make hints?
RC: No. That's defined as a statement, an act, or anything to that nature.
HC: It couldn't be like, cough once for yes, cough twice for no?
RC: No.

It's some pretty entertaining shit. Read the rest of it by clicking here. Be sure to come back to us, though. We get so lonesome...

Mary Cheney may only be a few months into her lesbian pregnancy, but it's never too soon to start shopping for baby gifts. Offering a helping hand to Grandpa Dick Cheney, the kids over at Radar have compiled a list of some possible presents for the little bundle of controversial joy.

Among their suggestions, you'll find the adorable 15" pride bear, the wholly-appropriate children's book Heather Has Two Mommies and - our personal favorite - the "Warriors of the Rainbow" costume. This girl looks almost as pleased as Dick Cheney did last week on The Situation Room. Hopefully Mary's baby won't inherit his signature snarl.

While we're on the subject of idiocy: there's more speculation over allegedly Christian, allegedly rocker Donnie Davies. There's been endless guessing since his "For The Bible Says" video grabbed headlines and stole hours of our lives, including the Radar debunked myth that Davies is none other than a drummer named Colby Stark and Joe.My.God's assertion that an improv actor named Todd Quillen created the creationist-loving singer.

With that illusion shattered, Joe's offered another suggestion: Texas-based actor Joey Oglesby, a man whose stellar credits include, Debbie Does Dallas: The Musical. Oglesby, however, insists he's not Davies. Sure, they may look almost identical, but, as we said in the Radar-related piece, all white, doughy, moustached men look alike. Also, it seems to us that if Oglesby were Davies, wouldn't he take credit for the media frenzy? Regardless, at least these talents got a little press. Now, maybe they can go back to living in obscurity. That is, unless, one of them claims to be the real Donnie Davies, in which case they'll undoubtedly become American icons. Icons of what, you ask? Well, of bullshit, of course. And, really, isn't that what acting's all about?

Speaking of stabs, people are still taking stabs at identifying everyone's favorite maybe homo-hating rocker, Donnie Davies.

Yesterday we suggested Donnie may be improv performer Todd Quillen, a hypothesis first offered at Joe. My. God. The kids over at Good as You, meanwhile, wondered if DD's actually the alter ego of a man named Colby Starck: the drummer in a music group called The Glass Gypsies - an aural-minded assembly listed as one of Love Gods Way's banned bands. Stark's suspiciously white, pudgy face made him a notable suspect, leading a number of other blogs to speculate that he is, in fact, Donnie Davies. Apparently, however, they're all wrong.

Radar sleuth Jeff Bercovici contacted Stark, who insists he is not, in fact, Donnie Davies. Bercovici reports: S

tarck tells Radar he's not the hoaxer. "While I'm getting a kick out of the hoopla, I'm not Donnie Davies," he says. In fact, he adds, the photos in which he looks like Davies are several years old; Starck has since lost weight and shaved his mustache. "I'm not as fat as he is, but it's really the love that I have in my heart for homosexuals that distinguishes us," he says.

Thus, the mystery continues...

(Note: while we're not entirely convinced Donnie Davies actually exists, we aren't ruling out the possibility that our sexually repressive and deeply religious culture could, in fact, spawn a ridiculous caricature such as the DD. Seriously, everything else about our day and age seems absurd - hello, Ted Haggard - so why couldn't this be real, too?)

Ali Saleem's the perfect segue into a piece on another homo-journo, Michael Musto. Sure, he may not be a Pakistani drag queen, but he's just as pretty. In celebration of his forthcoming retrospective collection of Village Voice columns, La Dolce Musto, the legendary gossip and talking head sat down with those scamps at Radar for a little heart-to-heart (read: publicity).

We won't give away too much, but we will share Musto's 2007 predictions with you:

I think a preacher will probably be caught doing something straight. And it will be really shocking. And I think Madonna will become a theme park. And Trump will have to finally get rid of this Miss U.S.A. and get somebody on the up and up, like a Lindsay Lohan. Someone we can really look up to.

Of course, none of these will come true: in a not-yet-published interview with Queerty, Musto insists he's the worst at making predications. In fact, he's so bad that he prophesized Madonna would flop. Good thing he didn't have money on that one, huh?

Oh, you guys should also check out Musto's new VV column in which he interviews himself. Wild, huh? It's called Musto v. Musto. Find it here.

You guys may want to head on over to Radar and check out their geographic breakdown of American sex lives. It may be the most educational thing we've ever read. Seriously, it's chock full of useful information.

For example, did you know that El Centro, California's got the highest percentage of m4mers? We didn't either. We also learned that New Yorkers buy the most lube, Wyoming residents rent the most gay porn per capita and those sleazoids down in DC procure the highest number of "discreet" vibrators. Saucy.

How could anyone forget Jack E. Jett's interview with Ted Haggard's rentboy-toy, Mike Jones? It shook the very foundations of society, giving us a peek inside the fallen Evangelical's sordid, secretive sex life. Jones' words on Haggard's drug use, fagalicious fantasies and humdrum apology have been imprinted on our memory, not to mention our hearts.

Imagine our elation and subsequent disappointment when we came across a New York Blade interview with Jones only to find out that it's the same interview. Well, almost. From Radar:

JJ: Anything else of note?
MJ: Okay, I'll tell you one little tidbit, and I haven't said this too much so you are going to get a bit of an exclusive: He loved to have sex in the dark. We would have one little candle going.

From The New York Blade:

JJ: Anything else of note?
MJ: He loved to have sex in the dark. We would have one little candle going.

Obviously the Bladers had to edit out the bit about it being a "bit of an exclusive" because, well, it's not. Also gone are references to Jones' penis, discussion on whether or not Haggard is a power bottom and the levels of kinkiness involved in their trysts.

It looks like The Blade's not only republishing month-old interviews, they're desexualizing the entire affair. Perhaps they don't want to get mixed up with their slutty sibling, HX Magazine?

As you all know, Ted Haggard's up to his God-fearing eyeballs in defagification. Of couse, one can't help but wonder what happens at the "sexual counseling" of a disgraced Evangelical leader who confessed to buying meth from a hooker, namely: Mike Jones and "sexual immorality", whatever that means.

Thankfully, we came across two stories detailing Haggard's ordeal. One come to us from the kids at The New York Blade. They report:

The rehabilitation of former superstar pastor Rev. Ted Haggard may not include urine tests or ankle bracelets, but he will have to undergo lie detector tests and confess his failings...Rev. Larry Stockstill, another member of the board overseeing Haggard's rehabilitation, said Haggard will undergo a polygraph test to help determine how honest he is being.

Considering that Haggard had a two-year business relationship with Jones while espousing anti-gay rhetoric on the pulpit, we're not sure how much honesty one can expect.

The second - and, we have to say, far more entertaining - "report" comes from those wannabe-gays at Radar. You're probably wondering: "Why is report in quotation marks?" Well, because it's not really a report at all, but an imagining of Haggard's inner monologue. Here's a taste (for a little context, Haggard's in an underground bunker with his wife, Gayle):

3:32 p.m.
Just before lunch I discovered a cockroach in our cell and named him "Mike Jones." Then, while Gayle was napping, I trained him to lie still while I crushed him to death with my English Standard Version bible.

9:52 p.m.
This evening, James Dobson stopped by for some personal counseling. He stripped me naked and whipped me, then slowly and censoriously licked the blood off every inch of my body until Gayle coughed discreetly and suggested that perhaps I had been cured enough for one evening.

Obviously the kids at Radar didn't do their homework. Everyone knows that Focus on the Family's James Dobson turned his back on his former BFF. It was bigger than anything Paris and Lindsay could concoct. Ever. Even bigger than that time Lindsay called Paris a cunt and pretended that she didn't. And that was big.

Okay, barring some monumental news, this will be the last Ted Haggard-related post of the day. We thought you guys may be interesting in Jack E. Jett's interview with Mike Jones, the little hooker that could (and did) bring down one of America's top Evangelical leaders. You may remember Jett from his contribution to The Totally Frightful Issue. It's worth noting that Jack offered us an insultingly short version of the aforementioned interview. It seems, however, that he prefers the wannabe-homos over at Radar. (Whatever, he's probably just trying to get into Jeff Bercovici's pants. Slut.)

Anyway, it's an "eye-opening" interview in which we learn that Haggie's a bottom (as if we couldn't figure it out), enjoys a nice muscle boy with a big cock (we know) and isn't one for small talk (What? He's made an entire career out of mindless chatter!):

JJ: Was Reverend Haggard kinky in bed?
MJ: I'm not going to comment too much on kinkiness, but I can say that he certainly did enjoy having sex with me.

JJ: Would you call him vanilla?
MJ: Well, for the most part, I would use the term vanilla. But I guess every once in a while you could throw some chocolate in.

JJ: Did he ever kiss you or act affectionately, or did he restrict his visits to sex?
MJ: No, we kissed.

JJ: That's very sweet.
MJ: [LAUGHS] Well, I aim to please.

JJ: Did his personality change after you had sex?
MJ: I think sometimes there was some guilt, and he would get very quiet. Usually he'd just throw his clothes on and leave.

He was probably too busy thinking about how his soul would burn forever to make niceties. You gotta admit, it's a pretty distracting concept.

Also, kudos to Jones for not delving into the kinky aspects of the sordid affair. Great restraint, kiddo! Obviously sex worker "Nicholas" was way off base when he derided you for betraying your client.

We don't know, but those kids over at Radar seem pretty gay. First they were all up in club kid turned killer Michael Alig's jail cell, then John Cook yakked it up with homo-politico Andrew Sullivan and now they bring us the news that Borat's son's a gay porn star.

Or, rather, that's Adrian Cortez: the actor who plays Sacha Baron Cohen's characters son in the movie. Radar reports:

His name is Adrian Cortez, but he's better known by his nom de porn, Stonie. According to his manager, David Forest, Cortez is a 25-year-old gay porn star who has appeared in around 65 films.

Borat's producers first contacted Forest in June 2005, he tells Radar. "They wanted to find someone who would look 13 or 14 but was actually of legal age and would do frontal nudity," he recalls. Cortez immediately sprang to mind, he says, because "he's a small-framed boy but has a large organ." How large? "About eight inches, and thick."

You'd think a father would be proud of a boy like that - not only does he have a big dick, but he's a movie star! Well, an adult movie star; that's sort of the same thing. But, apparently Borat's exploited his son's genitals only to toss him aside like so many bastards. Radar breaks the news that Borat neglected to invite his son to the premiere.

Radar certainly got deep into this story. How deep? About eight inches and with a circumference like you wouldn't believe!