Apparently it's hard to find a good man these days who isn't hooked on crystal, or at least that's the word on certain gay streets. We've never actually dated anyone on crystal before, but in some circles, it's so prevalent you might have to resort to a little detective work to figure out why your boyfriend is so energetic.

The ever-controversial drag queen Hedda Lettuce has come up with her own list of warning signs that, just like Hedda herself, are in rather bad taste but very funny. So without further ado, we bring you:

HOW YOU KNOW YOUR MAN IS HOOKED ON CRYSTAL

1) He can fuck for hours but alas never seems to achieve an erection.
2) When you head over to his apartment for a romantic evening his door is slightly ajar and upon entering he is naked on his bed with his ass in the air getting plowed by 5-7 gentleman callers.
3) When you are fucking him it feels like you are fucking an open window.
4) He is missing his two front teeth.
5) He has picked out all his eyelashes and eyebrows and has glued them to an ashtray and has given it to you for a birthday gift. Your birthday was 6 months ago.
6) He swears Madonna is communicating to him through a filling in his mouth.
7) He has redecorated his apartment by boarding up all his windows with duct tape and cardboard boxes.
8) His breath smells like gasoline.
9) He has overdosed and died.

CRYSTAL METH AND DATING [Hedda Lettuce Blog]