• Gerard Butler. Naked. 'Nuff said. [!! omg blog !!]

• It sure is hard being gay in suburbia. Especially when you can't find a whore to settled down with you. [Daily Herald]

• It's alright to be gay in Latin America. Just remember not to try to be too normal. [The Economist]

• Stephen Colbert on 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'. [PageOneQ]

• The Roxy's closing on Saturday. Get you glitter, glow sticks and shitty club mixes and live it up. [NY Observer]

• South African flick Black Beaulahs takes a look at the lives of three gay men in Soweto. Did you know that "beaulah" is South African slang for beautiful man? Well, now you do... [Mamba Online]

• The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force sez, "Porn stars are just like us!" [AmericaBlog]

• A Forrest Gump sequel? Vomit. [Ain't It Cool?]

• Maryland's Montgomery County School says fuck you to haters and vows to keep teaching about homosexuality. [Washington Times]

Mardi Gras is coming to NYC next Tuesday at the Roxy and we’re wetting our pants with excitement. Our pals over at Spin Cycle with help from LIFEbeat are producing a show that will feature over 75 go-go boys. 75? Um, we’re there.

If that’s not enough Michael Lucas, Robin Byrd, and Reichen Lehmkuhl will all be on hand. The party is benefiting the NO/AIDS Task Force, which was wiped out by Hurricane Katrina.

Oh and get this. MC Hammer is performing live. Yes, the MC Hammer performing live at the Roxy! This is going to be one surreal evening. We just downloaded “You Can’t Touch This” in anticipation.

Break out your Mardi Gras beads and your MC Hammer pants. We’re partying like it’s the early 1990s again!

Manhattan Mardi Gras [Spin Cycle]
Manhattan Mardi Gras Tickets [Smart Tix]

Like we promised you last week, every day between now and Christmas we are listing the reasons why 2005 was gay. So Gay! Need proof? Take a look at the musicians who made 2005 gay, gay, gay!

5. Green Day. The punk trio released the brilliant American Idiot technically in late 2004, however its staying power lasted all through 2005. Front man Billie Joe Armstrong gave kids everywhere one positive message: you can wear make-up and be tough at the same time. And we love him for that.

4. Gwen Stefani. Like Green Day, she too released her Love. Angel. Music. Baby. album in late 2004, but the first single “What You Waiting For?” tanked at radio. Fear not, she rebounded big with hit single after hit single, a clothing line co-designed by Zaldy at Fashion Week, and an album that stayed near the top all year. While Britney becomes a mother, it’s this Southern California girl who has, dare we say, become the new Madonna.

3. Melissa Etheridge. Melissa Etheridge does not get the credit she deserves. It took a battle against cancer and a soaring Janis Joplin cover to prove that this woman, who appeared to be past her prime, still has a lot of rocking left to do. Green Day and Kanye West look like sissies next to her.

2. The 1980s. The 80s have been back in fashion for a while and the decade’s influence on music has been apparent in many hip-hop and pop records of late. But 2005 could have been 1985 all over again. New records were released by Kate Bush, Cyndi Lauper, the Eurythmics, Depeche Mode, and Erasure. This revival gave us a reason to break out our parachute pants and leg warmers.

After the jump, the #1 gayest thing in music in 2005.

[Read On ...]

Queerty’s resident philosophers have been pondering the question of God’s sexual orientation. While some assert that God had a son, and allege that as proof of his heterosexuality, others are waiting to see the DNA test results. Furthermore, this past Saturday evening in a backroom in Roxy, a tweaked out club kid having sex claimed to have seen God.

Was God really at the Roxy this past Saturday? He wasn’t seen any place else, which lends credibility to the sighting. Of course, there is no law stating that a straight dude can’t go to the Roxy on a Saturday, though you’d swear there were.

Yet Queerty has more evidence that God is a weenie-craving homo. His creation of the earth led directly to the production of Broadway musicals. And he provided Cuisinarts to facilitate our lovely dinner parties. So Queerty has a message for all those bigoted Baptists who say that a play about Matthew Shepard is “spitting in God’s face;” don’t worry, we’ve already cleaned God up with a Neutrogena facial cloth, and his complexion is go-on-a-date perfect. If you don’t already know the joke about the nun and the bus driver, go here.

• Los Angeles has introduced an anti-smoking campaign targeted at gays who light up. They say the cig-happy atmosphere surrounding bars and clubs are mostly to blame. We say if the Camel Lights don't get you the smog certainly will.

• There has been lots of speculation over the Roxy’s possible closure next year. Whether or not that’s true, one thing’s for sure - you can’t buy this type of advertising.

• Madge won't be making a "surprise" appearance at the Roxy this weekend, but 1984 will be worshipping the queen tonight with its annual Madonna-thon. Congrats to our contest winner Michael who gets to impress a hot date (and hopefully get some tail afterward) with admission to the club.

• Oddjack is betting on who might be the next gay athlete to come out. Appropriately enough, a pitcher, a catcher, as well as a Kenny Chesney connection are included in the pool.

• Serial adopter Angelina Jolie scares the shit out of children in third world countries by declaring "most of the night I just thought about how quickly I want to adopt again." We hope there's a support group for this sort of thing.

• ABC is trying to outgay Logo by greenlighting a show produced by Elton John and written by a former Sex and the City scribe.

• Adrian Grenier of Entourage fame was spotted at the gay bar Starlight buying drinks. "He said he was just there with a gay friend," reports a spy to the Daily News. His gay BOYfriend, perhaps?

• Robbie Williams shakes his pecker. Via Andy via Trent.

• Janet Jackson has an 18-year-old child who has been raised by sister Rebbie. Thank God Michael was not involved.

• A Jell-O version of San Francisco has been unveiled. Makes sense, you know, rainbow colored and fruity.

• Across the country lower class and middle class queens are outraged. Broadway shows top out at $110 a ticket.

• Liz Smith says the Roxy is closing next year. Across NYC The Gays weep. Thanks Brian.

We were right. The bitch showed up at both Roxy and MisShapes, played some new records, and danced with a bunch of queens. We almost made it. After seeing the hilarious Sock Puppet Showgirls (you should go, if in NYC) we headed over to Roxy where the line was around the corner and the VIP line was 100 deep. No one was being let in and the wind was so hard it made all the plastic disco balls attached to the front of the Roxy fly, smacking a couple queens in the face.

The rain was coming down sideways. We were dressed to the nines and after two minutes of this madness, left. Sorry Madge. But we knew you weren’t singing and we don’t ruin Burberry Prorsum for just anything. Back in the day we would have stood in the rain, coat checked the wet clothing, and danced almost naked. But, you know, we grew up. And ecstasy is just not the same these days.

Our friends had a wonderful time. Gary caught some of the night with his camera videophone. It's a glimpse into a small piece of shiny, gay heaven.

The Madonna rumors continue on and of course we could not let Friday go by without mentioning Madge. So it looks like Madonna is making the club circuit on Saturday night. Get ready girls!

A little birdie informed us that in addition to her appearance at Roxy, the Material Girl is also planning on stopping by MisShapes too. There, like Roxy, she is planning on NOT performing. And the new album's producer, Jacques Lu Cont, is the DJ. Her strategy appears to be dropping by the clubs throughout the night, playing the record, and building buzz. Cute.

Then again this could all be made up and the bitch could be back in England. After all, the real reason she was at Roxy was for roller-skating, not a sound check. Rosie said so.

You know all that stuff we said about Madonna yesterday? We take it all back. Looks like Lourdes had her birthday party at the skate rink and that's the reason Madonna was seen leaving the Roxy early in the week.

Or was it? What do you think?

Our United Nations contact just sent us this: “Someone at DrownedMadonna, a "connected" Madonna resource, just spoke to the event coordinator of the UN Gala in Pasadena and said that 100% Madonna will not be there.”

Here we go again, girls. We say get the outfits together!

We just received an email alerting us to the UN event in California this Saturday. The email states Madonna "is scheduled to attend this event. (She was just announced as co-chair.) Check out the time/location."

We are sticking with our earlier report though. That is until we see something confirming her appearance in Pasadena. Many celebrity committee members don't show for these events.

And who does she think she is, Angelina Jolie?

We know the gays living outside of New York, which means most of you, are bored with the Madonna/Roxy rumor and gossip. We know that you queens who are over Madonna don’t really have an opinion. And we know that you ladies who never really liked Madonna to begin with could care less about Madge, the new album, and all that jazz.

But some queens do and they call us constantly and send group emails all day long with Madonna news and they obsess over every remix and TRL appearance and really bad movie she makes.

So with that said, We’re not saying anyone with any knowledge told us this. It could be deductive reasoning. After all, the Queerty staff is not as dumb as we look. Trust.

This is how Madonna at the Roxy will shake down this weekend. Bet your money on it.

Madonna will be at the Roxy. Madonna will be coming out on stage, thanking the audience, and pumping them up for her album. She will then introduce Mr. Rauhofer’s mix of the new single “Hung Up” and the queens will go nuts.

This likely scenario explains why:

1. Madonna was seen entering the club.
2. Rauhofer, who no longer works at Roxy, suddenly returns to the club.
3. Roxy, Rauhofer, and John Blair are not lying when they say she is “not performing.”
4. The promotional materials are Madonna branded and speak of a “special guest.”

So if you want to see Madge perform, skip Saturday night. If you want to see her speak in front of a packed crowd of gays, break out that new Dior shirt, honey. We’ll be there. Madonna does not come home too often these days. And we’re family.

Oh. It looks like Madonna is performing next Saturday at the Roxy. Some queen dragged us out to Roxy this past Saturday with the same promise. And guess what? No Madonna!

But we did see next week's flyers and they did say "special guest" and were branded with the new album's artwork. No promises. But we'll be there.