Big News in Gayville. And when we say "big," we mean "a sort-of-famous E! network staple homo-journo plans on getting hitched". No, not Steve Kmetko. No, not Mark Malkin. No, not even Ryan Seacrest. Give up? Ted Casablanca! (As if the headline didn't tip you off.)

That's right, everyone's favorite toothy yet handsome columnist has accepted soon-to-be hubbie Jon Powell's proposal. Or, at least, that's what Defamer heard from Stony_Curtis who heard it from Casablanca's The Awful Truth:

Which brings me to why I feel like Ms. Hilton today—kinda/sorta/maybe just a li'l. All legal and loony, really. See, my partner, whose name is Jon Powell, got all rather Paris Latsis when we were on a deserted Hawaiian beach.

Mind you, J. didn't have a huge-butt rock with him, but, he did do something that's often accompanied with such brilliant specimens: He proposed. And I do mean marriage... [And] I said yes.

So, get ready, Ah-nuld, you homo-bashing big-hair. Since the California legislature approved gay marriage, only to be vetoed by your fruit-served self (I mean, do you all know how many gays have serviced Schwarzenegger's girlie coiffure alone?), I suspect my attention to your sorry and sagging behind will only increase during my engagement.

'Cause a gossip columnist can't live by love alone.

Tongues are still wagging over the Ryan Seacrest/Simon Cowell closet outing thing on Tuesday's episode of Fox's American Idol. Last night, everyone's favorite MSNBC newsman, the ever-lovable Keith Olbermann (who, we have to admit, is only our favorite MSNBC newsman because his is the only show on MSNBC we bother to watch) hosted everyone's favorite Village Voice homo-journo, Michael Musto, to discuss the altercation.

Ever eloquent, Musto described the scene thus, "This was the gayest TV since Anderson Cooper introduced Thomas Roberts the other night." Olbermann laughed, "I'm sorry, I don't know if if I can get over the analogy there - I don't think I can." Oh, Olbermann, you're such a cut-up.

This morning, the eternally creepy Don Imus apparently played the Musto/Olbermann exchange, which spurred producer Bernard McGuirck to reply, "He dragged Anderson Cooper into the bath house so to speak..." Easily confused, Imus later asked CNN's Lou Dobbs if Cooper's a gaywad. Equally confused - or uncharacteristically tight-lipped, Dobbs said, "Uh, I have no idea..." Note it wasn't a flat out "no."

(PS: Follow this link to virtual matter for video of Musto on Olbermann on Seacrest.)

Speaking of gagging, here's Pretty on the Outside's ultra disturbing visual of "Sex Simon" and "Racy Ryan"'s extracurricular relationship.

This horrid image comes in response to Ryan and Simon's sorta, kinda outing exchange on Tuesday's episode of American Idol. Either that or it's a sick fantasy.

Anyway you cut it, it's pretty gross.

Ryan Seacrest again fanned flames that he's a flamer on last night's American Idol. There have been a few slip-ups in the past, but this is by far the biggest slip-up that he likes to slip-up into men. Watch our admittedly shitty video and let us know what you think.

What's our opinion? Quite honestly, we're not sure what to think anymore. Yes, Seacrest seems a bit lavender, but perhaps it's all just a publicity-grabbing ruse. If so, it worked. If not - well, we suggest that Seacrest heed Cowell's advice and come on out of that there closet.

Watching the Oscar red carpet madness gives us such a headache. We can't keep track of who's who, what they're doing there and why we should care.

The kids over at E! were certainly no help - not only did they not seem to know the answers to those pressing questions, they didn't seem to give two shits. The complete and utter stupidity of Ryan Seacrest, Giuliana Depandi and homo extraordinaire Jay Manuel from America's Next Top Model was only eclipsed by former The View co-host Debbie Manopoulos. When asked how she stays so thin, she said "I don't eat". The duo over at ABC weren't any better and Joan and Melissa Rivers on TV Guide really couldn't hold our attention.

As hard as it may be to believe, the only person we could focus on in the celebrity cluster fuck was Sally Kirkland. Coincidentally enough, her reality defying, rabbi designed dress seems to be made from the rainbow flag. Thus, she's our Oscar patron saint.

So, round of applause for Ms. Kirkland. Crazy's never looked so good. Or so disturbing.

See some more red carpet shots, after the jump...

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• So, Italian PM Romano Prodi's handed in his resignation over some bullshit - apparently he wanted expand the US military base northern Italy and send more troops to Afghanistan, but some colleagues thought that the price too high. That doesn't constitute quitting, we don't think. But is sure is a convenient death for that gay marriage bill, huh? [BBC News]

• Meanwhile, things are a fright down over in Tanzania. Apparently there's a man-raping bat demon on the loose and the only way to stop it's by getting lubed up and sleeping with a bunch of men. Actually, we may have found our next travel destination... [BBC News via Can O Whoop Ass]

• From man-raping bat demons to soul-sucking brain zombies: the cinematic backdrop for The Georgraphy Club author and known homosexual, Brent Hartinger's latest title: Split Screen: Attack of the Soul-Sucking Brain Zombies. We haven't read it, but we're down for pretty much anything that involves zombies. [AfterEllen Blog]

• In other soul-sucking brain zombie news: Howard K. Stern. [TMZ]

• Despite all these crumbling governments and ghoulish monsters, there's still more Oprah on Ellen Promotional Madness! (Co-Starring Steadman.) [YouTube]

• At least Guantanamo's got something going for it: Gaytanamo. [Gay Porn Blog]

• Oh, right, we forgot about yesterday's weirdness: that spiteful exchange between Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest. You kids can fill in the blanks, we're sure. [IHT]

• UPDATE: Don't forget to come get drunk with us at the Jimmy Im endorsed, eastern bloc housed Goodtimes. Details after the jump...

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• Someone buy Carson Kressley's book for Carson Kressley, please! (Thanks, Radar.)

• Maybe Kressley can then give the book to Ontario's Health Minister, George Smitherman - he's marrying his long-time beau this summer.

• We're sure President Bush won't be invited. We're also sure he'll be really offended. You know, because he's so compassionate.

• Here's a little tonic for your upset tummy: rumor has it that John Barrowman may sign on to play a seductive gay villain opposite Daniel Craig's James Bond.

• After you're done thinking about Barrowman getting naked with Bond, why not think about some of the most famous young designers, some of whom we'd like to get naked with, too. After we play dress up, of course.

• Now you've picked out your wardrobe, allouw John Mayer to provide a lesson in how not to open an interview with Ryan Seacrest, "You’re like the Anderson Cooper of E!” Oh, wait, actually, we think every interview with Ryan Seacrest should start like that...

We didn't even know Ryan Seacrest had his own radio show, but apparently the other day he had living skeleton Kate Bosworth as a guest, and they had a very awkward exchange about the good looks of Kate's boyfriend Orlando Bloom:

RYAN: "Orlando compliments you left and right, but said he's afraid to put love ahead of his career. Why would he say that?"

KATE: "I don't know, man, you'd have to ask him!"

RYAN: "Well, don't blame me. I see him at the gym."

KATE: "Oh, do you?"

RYAN: "Yeah!"

After the jump, read the rest of the interview, wherein Kate Bostworth calls Ryan Seacrest gay and he gets embarassed.

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• Watching Anderson Cooper giggle with Jon Stewart about Angelina Jolie's hotness is like watching Ellen DeGeneres fawn over Jesse Metcalfe.

• Sure, Ryan Seacrest, you're totally into girls — even if Vince Vaughn is "at the top of my hump island when it comes to guys!" [Wizbang Pop]

• Jonathan Rhys Meyers is looking for a premiere gay role to really take his career to the next level. 'Cause the fag he played in 1998's Velvet Goldmine wasn't socially important enough. [Towleroad]

You remember those photos of the tight-lipped "kiss" between American Idol's Ryan Seacrest and Desperate Housewives star Teri Hatcher. Hatcher is now saying she would rather use a dating service than put herself through another agonizing photoshoot date with Seacrest, and that they most certainly are not dating, which begs the question. Yes, that very same question.

Teri Hatcher Says She's Not With Ryan Seacrest [Starpulse]

• A West Virginia police chief allegedly blocked life-saving measures for Claude Green, pictured, because Green was gay. Unbelievable. [SF Chronicle]

• Ryan Seacrest undresses a 17-year-old boy. With his eyes. [Aanthems]

• A celebrity comes out of the closet. On Pinoy Big Brother. [The Manila Bulletin]

• The Da Vinci Code and Load will be released on the same day!. [The Book Standard]

• Myspace the movie. Brilliant. [You Tube]

• Gay bar attacker Jacob Robida's bedroom was decorated with "homemade posters slurring gays, African-Americans, and Jews; neo-Nazi literature and skinhead paraphernalia; a makeshift coffin; and an empty knife sheath." And this guy tried to bludgeon people? You don't say! [The Boston Globe]

• Ryan Seacrest did not storm off a radio show after being asked about his sexuality. But we're sure everyone agrees that the question still stands. [Editor & Publisher]

• We're sure you're all tired of the plethora of Brokeback Mountain trailer parodies. But for those of you who can't get enough, we present Brokeback to the Future. [You Tube via Defamer]

• The New York Times finally discovers gay ski week in Aspen and all the fabulous drag queens that go with it. [NY Times]

• The Elton John/Bernie Taupin musical Lestat appears to be in trouble. Delays and cancellations are never a good sign. [Philadelphia Daily News]

• Effectively ignoring the attitudes of their more progressive Spanish neighbors, Portugal denies some dykes the right to get married. [BBC]