Earth's days are totally numbered. Not only are we in the middle of a protracted world war, being ravaged by a tireless retrovirus and watching as millions starve, but the planet seems to be getting hotter everyday. While Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio and a slew of other hot stars have joined the Global Warming crusade, some scientists think it may be too late to change earthling's Earth destructing ways. Rather than spend time educating people on cutting carbon emissions and the such, they're just going to take control of the weather:

Frustrated with the limits of public policy to tackle global warming, some scientists say the time has come to engineer a way to control the weather.
...
One idea put forth by a physicist involved in climate-control discussions would involve bombarding the Arctic stratosphere with specially engineered particles to deflect the sun’s rays, thereby lowering temperatures.

Didn't the evil Carradine Cassadine family have a similar idea on General Hospital?

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• We found this video over at Best Week Ever and thought we'd pass it along to you. If you ever needed proof that Fox News is a bigger joke than The Daily Show, here it is. Seriously, the anchor's laughing through the entire vasectomy story. There's nothing funny about men getting their tubes tied. Nothing. Vasectomies are totally, unequivocally unfunny. We're not kidding. Okay, we are kidding, but Fox News still sucks impotent balls.

• Ah! Gonorrhea has totally gone super bug!! Does sex have a future?

• German scientists have successfully made "immature sperm" from bone marrow. Wow, talk about fucking with nature. Of course, it's for a good cause: if they can whip these little puppies into shape, they may be able to help with fertility treatment. Or lead to the end of civilization as we know it. It's a toss up.

• Shia LaBeouf will appear in the next Indiana Jones movie. Of course, it'll take another five thousand years for it to be made, but we're sure it'll be worth the wait. That is, if Harrison Ford doesn't die first.

• Turns out the cocaine soda is just as illegal as the real thing. Well, it's marketing is, at least.

• Government looking to dismantle the internet? But where will we go?

• Alvin Tan's older than dirt. And proud of it.

• We know Monday's the furthest thing from your mind right now, but we just wanted to tell you to be on your best behavior for guest editor Gregory Angelo! The former Next EIC will be filling in for that vacation-taking shit bag, Andrew Belonsky. Where's Belonsky off to? Hell. He's got a hot date. Get it? Show Mr. Angelo some love... or else we'll have to send the zombified Giorgio Armani to eat your brains. Scary shit, that...

Modern medicine's marvelous. We have penicillin, protease inhibitors and a slew of other life saving tonics. But, of course, all drugs come with a price. You may get a stomach ache or your hair may fall out. You may suffer sleepless nights from Wellbutrin or drowsiness from Nyquil. Some drugs, such as the depression squashing Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, often have detrimental effects on the libido.

While this may put a damper on some people's lives, one Christian patient recent wrote to conservative blogger Jimmy Akin wondering if he could/should use his SSRIs to help curb his carnal appetite. Akin replies that such methods must only be taken when necessary. And, not surprisingly, the gays qualify as necessary:

In pathological cases (as with sex offenders or people with strong homosexual desires that are resistant to other treatments)... the use of medicine as part of temptation management would be legitimate...

Gee, what a surprise: a Christian conservative clumped gays and sex offenders together.

If Akin wants to curb our sex lives, why not just make us all eunuchs. That would be far more efficient and wouldn't tarnish medicine's good name. He must have taken his crazy pills. Or his stupid pills. Or both...

Medicine and Avoiding Temptation [Jimmy Akin]

Mankind's sex obsessed. Not just the acts of sex, but the facts of sex. For example, what causes Sam's proclivity for whips, while Sally prefers chains? What makes one person desire one thing, while their lover yearns for another? Some shrinks may lay the blame on childhood memories, but some scientists are looking at the more nebulous realm of desire.

Writing for The New York Times, Natalie Angier takes a look at the birds, the bees and everything inbetweens:

Unabashed about acting on their academic appetites, sexologists have gained a wealth of new and often surprising insights into the nature and architecture of sexual desire. They are tracing how men and women diverge in their experience, and where they converge. They are learning how and why people pursue the erotic partners they do, and the circumstances under which those tastes are either fixed or fluid.

Historically, sex research has focussed on the acts themselves - the dirty deeds that inform one's so-called sexual identity. New research suggests, however, that sex isn't so much about the acts as the arousal - the seemingly backward prerequisite for desire.

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The United States may have dragged the UK into the Iraq War (and, in turn, the Brits may drag the US into a war with Iran), but not all the nations' team-ups end up so deadly. In fact, their newest cooperative effort may end up saving some. An American and British joint study has found evidence suggestion that green tea may help thwart the world's least favorite retrovirus: HIV. Medical News Today reports:

The research team did test tube experiments on a green tea flavonoid called epigallocatechin gallate (EGCG) and showed that it binds with CD4 immune system T-cell receptors and stops HIV from doing the same.

One of the researchers, Professor Mike Williamson of the Department of Molecular Biology and Biotechnology at the University of Sheffield said, ""Our research shows that drinking green tea could reduce the risk of becoming infected by HIV, and could also slow down the spread of HIV."

Of course, these findings are hardly conclusive. As we learned with that African microbicide debacle, breakthroughs can often break down. Still, coupled with the news that human produce a protein that can disintegrate the virus, as well as the discovery of the bug's Achilles Heel, things are looking up in this war. We're still a long way off, but it's always good to stay positive.

First noticed about twenty years ago, this is the first image of a bizarre hexagon floating above Saturn's north pole. Like our lovely planet, Saturn has a polar vortex. That is: currents of air swirling around the top of the gaseous orb. Our vortex, however, flow in a circular motion, while Saturn's, as you can see, defies common sense. NASA's Kevin Baines remarks:

We've never seen anything like this on any other planet. Indeed, Saturn's thick atmosphere where circularly-shaped waves and convective cells dominate is perhaps the last place you'd expect to see such a six-sided geometric figure, yet there it is.

Queer indeed.

(PS: We think it's a space ship lying in wait for a signal to destroy us. Everyone panic!)

Mysterious hexagon spotted above Saturn [Daily Mail]

Baptist Reverend Albert Mohler Jr. made headlines when he advocated aborting would-be gay babies, writing:

If a biological basis is found, and if a prenatal test is then developed, and if a successful treatment to reverse the sexual orientation to heterosexual is ever developed, we would support its use as we should unapologetically support the use of any appropriate means to avoid sexual temptation and the inevitable effects of sin.

Not surprisingly, these alarming comments made international headlines and riled gay activists. Gay activists Wayne Besen, however, wonders about turning the tables and eliminating religious fundamentalists.

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In an effort to rid the world of the homosexual scourge, Baptist Reverend Albert Mohler has an ungodly suggestion: genetic cleansing! That's right, boys and girls, Mohler prays for the day that science can help concerned parents pick the gay away. Mohler writes:

If a biological basis is found, and if a prenatal test is then developed, and if a successful treatment to reverse the sexual orientation to heterosexual is ever developed, we would support its use as we should unapologetically support the use of any appropriate means to avoid sexual temptation and the inevitable effects of sin.

You see, Mohler thinks that homosexuality is one of God's many punishments for original sin. In ridding the world of faggotry, then, we bring ourselves on step closer to man's "true origins".

What we don't understand about this is that if all humans are made in God's image, why is homosexuality sinful? Also, isn't fucking with people's genes going against God's will and, thus, more naughty than gay nookie?

Yo, if there's a problem, Bill Gates will solve it. He's kind of like Vanilla Ice in that respect, only hopefully more successful. The geeky billionaire's expected to announce today that his Gates Foundation and the Canadian government will test a new AIDS vaccine.

Gates has dedicated his life and his loot to combating the world's deadliest diseases. Of these efforts, Gates tells Canadian Broadcasting Corporation:

This money is going to be spent on some very important causes in this century, and of the top 20 diseases that create the inequity, we will have either had drugs or vaccines to virtually eliminate most all of those. AIDS is the toughest, but certainly in my lifetime, I'd be very surprised if we don't have a vaccine.

Of course, Gates doesn't plan on dying anytime soon: he's arranged to have his brain implanted in a titanium robot. If he doesn't sort all of the world's problems by then, he'll continue on in robotic form. If he's still unsuccessful, he'll either give up or go on a killing rampage that will only end when he's supreme ruler of our lonely planet.

Archaeologists got a bit of romantic surprise when they uncovered these skeletons in their final embrace. Discovered near the northern Italian city of Mantova, the petrified pair are estimated to be over 5,000 years old and certainly the first of their kind. Lead archaeologist Elena Menotti says:

There has not been a double burial found in the Neolithic period, much less two people hugging -- and they really are hugging. I must say that when we discovered it, we all became very excited. I've been doing this job for 25 years. I've done digs at Pompeii, all the famous sites. But I've never been so moved because this is the discovery of something special.

Menotti thinks they couple - who she believes to be a man and a woman, but we'd like to think are two men - died young, for their teeth are pretty much intact. Scientists are now working on confirming their age and time of death.

Kids these days! You guys may be interested to hear that an Austrian boy started taking hormones at twelve-years old in his effort to become a woman. Or, rather, a girl.

While some families would refuse their child's wishes, dismissing them as part of a larger phase, the boy's parents realized their son would never be comfortable with his biological body. According to an article from Der Spiegel:

At the age of two, Tim tried on his older sister's clothes, played with Barbies and said, "I'm a girl." Her parents thought it was a phase, but at the age of four Tim was still bawling after every haircut. At last he ran into his room with a pair of scissors and hollered that he wanted to "cut off my thing!" -- and it was clear to his parents that the problem was serious. From then on, at home, Tim went by "Kim."

Certainly there has been protest, including opposition from the family pediatrician, who insists they're acting a little too hasty. The family, however, maintains they've made the right decision. Now, two years on, "Tim" lives quite happily as "Kim".

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Here's some worrisome news: a fresh school of intersex fish have been found in the Potomac River. Some of your eco-avengers may remember that scientists made a similar discovery back in 2003, when they captured a number of male fish whose testes were covered in the cells that form ovaries: an anomaly people attribute to leaked pesticides and other chemical concoctions. China View reports:

A primary suspect has been a class of man-made chemicals called endocrine disrupter compounds (EDCs). These chemicals mimic natural hormones and interfere with the endocrine system's normal functioning. The new study, available on the U.S. Geological Survey website, confirms that EDCs are prevalent in the Potomac River's water.

Now scientists have found another DC-based school of fish suffering from mysterious gender-bending.

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