Here's a little sex tip to start your morning off: Boy Butter doesn't taste too good on toast. It may seem tempting to spread a schmear onto your morning bagel, Eggo or, if you will, biali, but don't. It also keeps better in the nightstand next to your bed rather than in your refrigerator next to the mayonnaise. Y'see, Boy Butter is actually a personal lubricant—not exactly part of your traditional balanced breakfast.

It can get a little confusing, we know—what with Boy Butter's supermarket-ready packaging, name and design. Worry not, though: Unilever—manufacturers of the synthesized spread I Can't Believe It's Not Butter—is looking to end any margarine misunderstandings by slapping Boy Butter with a lawsuit alleging trademark infringement requiring Boy Butter to recall all their lube presently on the market, cease production of new lubrication products and turn their profits over to Unilever.

Would someone please pass the jelly?