We remember it as if we weren't total drunken, stoner messes: Baby Suri Cruise's Earth-shaking birth. With the little bundle's arrival, some devastating truths were revealed: one, sort-of-famous performer Amnesia Sparkles is sort of cute; two, Jesus really was black; and three, we care. There, we said it. We care.

Well, we care only when it involves a drag queen, a minor and offensive New York celebrity, and a fake baby. We'll let you decide who's who in this picture...