It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for: the publication of activist hooker Mike Jones’ tell-all memoir, I Had to Say Something: The Art of Ted Haggard's Fall.

The 240-page volume gets down and dirty on Jones’ first shameful encounters with the disgraced Evangelical leader, their three-year working relationship and Haggard’s inevitable, damned descent into sex, drugs and orgies...

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Colorado Springs has a bad rap. Known more for its history of homo-hating residents - Ted Haggard, Focus on The Family and scores of other Evangelical wackos - than its mountain ranges, the city's on a mission to remake its image. And, appropriately enough, the political face-lift comes in the form of The Diversity Forum...

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365Gay recently posted news regarding fallen evangelical pastor Ted Haggard and the "new beginning" he's set to make since overcoming the addictions and same-sex carnal desires that haunted him for years. For the record, Haggard declares he wasn't ever "gay," though:

"Haggard is continuing to receive counseling, which officials said will include an exploration of his sexuality. Haggard has told his advisers he does not believe he's gay."

Well, Ted, why didn't you just tell us that in the first place? You could have spared yourself and your family all of that embarrassment on the national stage not to mention all of that "de-gaying" therapy. That Ted, though—he always was a jokester!

Ted Haggard may claim to be cured of his queer cravings, but he'll forever be a national punchline. The most recent contribution to the cut-up comes from song writing satirist, Roy Zimmerman. Do yourself a favor and listen to his sure to be a smash hit, "Ted Haggard's Completely Heterosexual".

Joe from Joe.My.God - the lovely blog from whence the video came - says he laughed so hard he kicked his speakers out. We didn't laugh quite so hard, but we will shamefully admit that we felt a little piddle. But that could just be from the excitement of passing something along to you, our lovely and insatiable readers. Enjoy!

Since the beginning of time, one question has plagued man kind: Who gets off more - evangelicals or sex pots? It stumped Edison, Einstein and all those other dudes with brains bigger than ours.

Now, Details wants you to take a stab, if you will, with their "Evangelist Face or O-Face" - um - face off.

Give it a go, here. God knows your not doing anything right now anyway. Except, maybe, scratching your [enter gender specific genitals and/or transitioning junk].

Hooker-turned-hero Mike Jones is nothing if not tenacious. As we reported earlier in the week, eBay pulled the plug on his charitable auction of his massage table - the same massage table upon which he used to fuck fallen Evangelical pastor, Ted Haggard.

eBay representatives insisted the matter amounted to nothing more than a minor technicality in filing. Others, however, wonder if the Christian Right had something to do with it. Delaware-based Transforming Congregations' Reverend Karen Booth penned an angry letter, promising the website would feel her and her brethren's wrath unless they cancel the auction:

I have put an alert on my ministry’s national website and have also informed other national Christian ministries, including the American Family Association. (The auction is also being discussed on several Internet blogs.) If the offensive listing is not removed, I will encourage my supporters to boycott eBay, which I also intend to do.

Days later, the wank table got yanked. But, now it's back. So, if you guys want to own a piece of homo-history - not to mention help Project Angel Heart - you should head on over to eBay and place your bid.

And, since you're feeling so generous, send Karen Booth a little electronic love: transcong@aol.com. [Thanks, Joe]

Your dreams of owning a piece of Ted Haggard may be over. Mike Jones put the massage table where he worked over the disgraced Evangelical minister up for auction to raise money Project Angel Heart - an organization that brings food to people with HIV/AIDS.

To make sure the site had no problems with his actions, Jones had a pre-posting conversation with a representative, got the go ahead and put it up for auction. Then, nine days later, eBay's pulled the infamous table.

A company representative claims they pulled it because it violated eBay's fund raising regulations, but Jones thinks there are more insidious powers at work.

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Ted Haggard may have surprised the Evangelical world when he admitted to behaving "immorally" with hooker-turned-hero Mike Jones, but according to some at his Colorado Springs-based New Life Church, Haggard's pre-scandal behavior should have led to a preemptive sex panic.

The mega-churches new assistant pastor and who seems poised to carry the congregation's torch, Rob Brendle, comments:

[Haggard's] loose discussions about sexuality might have seemed refreshingly raw and real, especially since church had always been so stuffy and prudish in the past. In retrospect, some of his comments and interactions -- that at the time seemed edgy, but innocent enough -- now seem questionable.

Another member of the tarnished and increasingly struggling church cites "overt suggestions to improper activities" among Haggard's warning signs. And even the men involved in his defagication have admitted that admittedly sinful Haggard will likely struggle against these "immoral" tendencies for a long time, if not the rest of his life.

Haggard, a man who once stood as one of the most powerful men in the nation, has since been booted from the Church and will be relocating his family elsewhere. Rather than leading a congregation, old Teddy and his wife, Gayle, reportedly plan to take online psychology courses so, he says, "we can work together serving others the rest of our lives."

Yeah, he's a person we'd hire as a shrink.

Haggard's church finds evidence of strange behavior before downfall [San Francisco Chronicle]

• Thats right folks! You can own a piece of history - hooker-turned-activist Mike Jones is auctioning off his old massage table. And, no, he's not keeping the money - it's going to charity. The current asking price's $500. Someone out there must be willing to top that...get it? [eBay]

• We wanted to post the music video for M's New Wave classic, "Pop Muzik", but some schmuck disabled its embedding code. So you're just going to have to watch it the new fashioned way. [YouTube]

• Speaking of YouTube - Turkey lifted its silly ban. [The Age]

• GLAAD has officially entered the war against Ann Coulter, but have the tides already turned? [San Francisco Chronicle]

• Patrick Letellier may not like running, but that didn't stop him from trotting along to fight AIDS. [MSNBC]

• Anglican priest Shawn Sanford Beck may have lost his job for supporting gay-marriage, but he's not about to change his mind. Well, done, Beck. Sorry about the job thing, though. Think about it this way - you're a total martyr. [Winnipeg Sun]

• Fuck! We totally missed trans activist and professor Jenny Boylan's appearance on All My Children! [TMZ]

• Egads! A British man lost sight in one eye after a gay attack. [Gay UK]

• Down-low: the myth that would not die... [Slate]

New Life Church may want forget that whole Ted Haggard scandal, but, like the Super Bowl, the brouhaha simply won't cease. As we noted yesterday, the church has sacked about 30-50 employees. Today The New York Times expands on that story, reporting that the Church has found itself in a bit of a financial bind:

Since the announcement of Mr. Haggard’s removal on Nov. 5, New Life’s donations have fallen to $4.9 million in the past four months, compared with $5.3 million in the same period a year earlier...

Of the economic strain, associate pastor and potential king, Rob Brendle said:

These are difficult times, and these have been difficult decisions. But the floor of this church has not fallen out... I would say that the people at New Life are confident in the process of transition that is under way and hopeful for the future. There is a pervasive sense that our best days are ahead of us.

Let's hope so, because they're certainly not behind you.

There's no shortage of criticism for reparative therapy: the so-called conversion therapy employed by ex-gayers in their efforts to cleanse the world of the homosexual scourge. While a number of psychologists have come out against the controversial treatment - the same treatment used on Ted Haggard - the American Psychological Association's upping the ante by establishing a five-person task force to examine the method's potentially hazardous repercussions.

Though the head-shrinking group's yet to select members for this task force, they are considering including at least one person who claims to have been successfully transformed. One doctor, Grove City College's Dr. Warren Throckmorton worries that if the APA comes out against reparative therapy, "homosexuals who are discontented with their lifestyle will have fewer options," according to The Christian Post. Throckmorton tells them:

What we're talking about is the right of clients who are unhappy with their feeling (of same-sex attraction). Those people have the right to seek therapy to help them live the way they want to live - the way they value.

Well, yes, they have the right to seek therapy, but do therapists have the right to pursue methods that have been called harmful and, even worse, ineffective? We think not...

Yesterday marked New Life Church's Post-Ted Haggard potentially cathartic "Day of Hope". Herding the 14,000 strong flock, church leaders confessed that a number of witnesses had stepped forward to confirm the incomprehensible depths of Haggard's unholiness. Speaking to the congregation, Revered Larry Stockstill paraphrased a two and a half page letter detailing Haggard's transgressions:

We have verified the reality of [Haggard's] struggle through numerous individuals who reported to us firsthand knowledge of everything from sordid conversation to overt suggestions to improper activities to improper relationships. These findings established a pattern of behavior that culminated in the final relationship in which Ted was, as a matter of grace, caught.

While some hoped the summation would bring some closure, it seems the nightmare may have just begun. Stockstill went on to tell parishioners that offcials have discovered some more dubious staffers:

I can report we have found a few staff members struggling with unrelated sin issues. Each such person has been confronted and has submitted to discipline.

Hmmm, we wonder what this submission entailed. Do you think potential king Rob Brendle administered said discipline? He may look innocent, but we bet he bounds and gags with the best of the them.

Meanwhile, the church will continue to finance the Haggard family's broken existence through the end of the year. Mama Haggard, Gayle, has taken some time away from the madness to continue her "sexual counseling" elsewhere. Either she was a hard core dyke or she's taking a much needed vacation.