This interview sort of fell into our laps. Editor Andrew Belonsky ran into an old friend of his who casually mentioned that she andher girlfriend had dabbled in the strap-on arts.

Ever ready, Belonsky pulled out his tape recorder for another impromptu interview a la his chat with make-up wearing straight boy, Jake X.

After the jump see what Sarah X had to say about fake penises, who is and isn't gay and why she won't be inviting Tom Selleck to her next party.

(As for the name "Sarah X": the friend didn't want to use her real name, so she suggested her fantasy moniker from childhood.)

Andrew Belonsky: You were just telling me that you and your girlfriend tried to use a strap-on last night for the first time.

Sarah X: Yeah. I freaked out and I couldn’t do it.

AB: Why?

SX: First of all, I didn’t know it was going to look so much like a real penis.

AB: [Laughs] What did you think it was going to look like?

SX: Another friend of mine had described her strap-on to me and told me it was green. So I assumed that it would be some absurd, not really a penis type thing. But this was flesh colored and silicone and very penis like. So much of why our relationship means so much to me is that it’s making me realize I don’t need a penis in my life. Then, all of a sudden, it was two girls and a penis. It was so silly. It was like, “What is this doing here? Why do we need this to enhance our sex?”

AB: Did it remind you of your ex-boyfriend?

SX: It reminded me of the tension exist between my girlfriend and me: my past male relationships. It reminded us both of the things that make us crazy and jealous. She has the strap on because she bought it with her ex-girlfriend.

AB: She fucked her ex-girlfriend with it?

SX: Yeah. [Laughs]

AB: Did she suggest the strap-on?

SX: It’s come up in conversation a couple times. We’ve been discussing ways we could feel closer to each other during sex. There’s definitely a big distance. The vaginas can’t really communicate very well: they can’t really touch each other – they can, but they can’t really do that much. We joke that they’re each other’s long lost friends. I guess we decided that [the strap-on] might make us feel more connected. Then I saw it and all the strings and straps and…I was like, “I don’t want this thing in me. It has nothing to do with you.”

AB: Was she disappointed?

SX: No. She was really uncomfortable about taking it out to begin with. It was an hour-long procedure. I think she was afraid that because it was making me uncomfortable, that she was making me uncomfortable, but it had nothing to do with her. It was just the object itself.

AB: You’ve always had a very iffy relationship with penises…

SX: Exactly. They’re strange. I don’t necessarily feel comfortable with them, but when they’re not attached to a body and made of silicone... My girlfriend – whose vagina I love – she’s going to put this thing on? I don’t know.

AB: Would you ever fuck her with a strap-on? Maybe if you reclaimed the penis?

SX: It’s funny, because before she took it out I had all these huge ideas about what we were going to do with it. I was like, “I think we should trade off and we’ll each practice fucking each other.” I thought it was going to be fine…until I saw it. This is just step one. I feel like maybe now that I’ve seen it and I know what it looks like, the next time I have a couple drinks in me…

AB: Does it have a name?

SX: No.

AB: What if she got one that’s green or “an absurd color”.

SX: That could be better. Then it would feel more like a toy and not a fake penis.

AB: And, also, it wouldn’t be the same one that she used to use with her ex-girlfriend.

SX: Right. That’s awkward. Once she took it out, I was like, “Can you wash that off”?

AB: But other than that, you’re enjoying the sexual adventures of lesbianica?

SX: Yeah. I’m very pleasantly surprised. She’s the only person who has made me orgasm other than myself.

AB: Did you tell her this?

SX: Yeah, she knows.

AB: You let the cat out of the bag, so to speak.

SX: We’ve been working on it for a long time. She was very aware of what was going on.

AB: Let’s talk about how your girlfriend hasn’t come out to her parents, but that you recently told your parents that you’re dating. How does this make you feel?

SX: It kind of annoys me. I realized that I was procrastinating and stalling. No time’s going to feel completely right to tell my parents. I was like, “Fuck it, this has to happen soon.” That very night I told my mother. It wasn’t easy, but it was kind of like ripping off a band-aid. Thinking about it isn’t going to make it any better. That was a month and a half ago. [My girlfriend] has been talking like she’s going to tell her parents soon, [but] there seems like there’s always a new reason why she can’t.

AB: Do you think it’s because of her religious background?

SX: No. I think it’s more her relationship with her parents and what telling them will bring out.

AB: What do you mean?

SX: We’ve had this conversation about who it would be harder for – would it be harder for me to tell my parents because it would be a complete shock to my parents? Or would it be harder for her because her parents have been hinting at that they know about this or have a feeling… They’ve been hinting at her for a long time that if she were a lesbian or were bisexual, they would be okay with it. Is it harder when there’s so much history or is it harder when you’re shocking their socks off?

AB: Have you ever thought of a time limit? Would you ever leave her if she doesn’t tell her parents?

SX: No.

AB: She could, in theory, stay in the closet forever?

SX: Yes, but I think it would be – I think it is a growing tension in our relationship.

AB: You don’t describe yourself as a lesbian, right?

SX: No.

AB: Does she?

SX: No.

AB: Do you think she’s a lesbian?

SX: I think if she doesn’t identify herself that way, then she’s not.

AB: Had you known me in high school and I was telling you I was sleeping with that boy, would you think I was gay, but I hadn’t come out of the closet yet?

SX: No. It doesn’t help the situation to be like, “Oh, yeah, I’m sure you’re not gay. Hahaha.” You have to meet [someone] where they’re at: if someone thinks they’re bisexual and they end up being gay, that’s fine – that’s the evolution that has to take place.

AB: Has your girlfriend ever had sex with men?

SX: Yes.

AB: Do you think she enjoyed it?

SX: I don’t think so.

AB: Do you think she’s attracted to any men?

SX: My high-school science teacher. I think she might leave me for him if he ever proposed to her. And Burt Reynolds. Oh, not Burt Reynolds...what’s his name?

AB: Tom Selleck?

SX: Tom Selleck!

AB: I get them confused, too.