We've never understood the argument that anal sex isn't natural. Seriously - have these anal attackers ever even done it in the poop chute? It's a perfect fit! Unless, of course, you're sleeping with some loosey-goosey gutter slut.

Regardless, the Utah legislature continues to toe the anti-sodomy line: they've just voted to uphold the state's anachronistic laws against so-called deviant sexual practices. Well, as far as gay couples are concerned. Only married hetero couples are allowed to get down and dirty. Openly gay Senator Scott McCoy attempted to repeal the law, but the ruling GOP refused to comply. Or even debate. Of their staunch conservative stance, McCoy mused:

I have a hard time understanding how the state could say we have an interest in the sex, in the intimate associations of two unmarried persons, but we don’t have an interest in the intimate associations of two married people. It’s black or white. It’s the exact same action. What’s the difference if it’s done in a married relationship? There’s no rational distinction between those two settings.

The rational, of course, lies in many of the lawmaker's religious leanings and the fact that they think homos will burn in hell for all eternity. Unfortunately, not all the politicians could find the words to describe their aversion. "If you have to ask why sodomy should be illegal in Utah..." Senate Majority leader Curt Bramble said before trailing off and continuing, "...Because I believe sodomy should be illegal in Utah.” Oh, well, he must think he's the voice of God, or something.

• Now that you're mind's been completely blown by Hilary Duff's incredible charisma, you may be interested to hear that pot activists, Americans for Safe Access have filed a lawsuit against the federal government. Basing their argument on last week's study affirming marijuana's medicinal affects in HIV patients - that is, the patients getting high felt way better than those getting a stupid placebo - the ASA hopes to end the government's reign of bummer-inducing tyranny. [CBS News]

• Meanwhile, the democracy-seeking Second Life Liberation Army has launched its first attack against cyber-world Second Life - blowing up an American Apparel and Reebok stores, thus sparking what may become a virtual war on terror. One militant member said, "The population of the world should have a say in the running of the world". Um, he does know Second Life doesn't really exist? [Second Life Liberation Army]

• Utah-based journo Jay Walker's blowin' up Fred Phelps and Friends' spot. He thinks that if the "God Hates Fags" protesters insist on blowing Leviticus out of proportion, they'd better start practicing the Bible's other "outrageous" laws, like stoning rape victims. [The Daily Utah]

• Come hell or high water, New York Bishop Mark Sisk will not let the Anglican Communion blow up his moral integrity. Of the group's prescribed ban on the American Episcopal's gay loving ways, Sisk says, "I am not in the least prepared to make any concession that strikes at the heart of my conviction that gay and lesbian people are God's beloved children." Go on, girl! [NYDN]

• Speaking of girls going on: is Britney Spears looking to blow up the world record for most rehab visits in a week? [Jossip]

• The Roxy will close its doors on March 10th. It'll will be blown up a few days later. [Joe. My. God.]

• Go blow up David Lachapelle's spot at Soho's Taschen store. In turn, he'll sign your copy of his new book and give you an invite to the after party. It's going on right now, you'd better get going. And so should we... [Gothamist]

While HRC and its homies were living it up, New Jersey's Evesham School District put the smack down on a video called That's a Family! A raw piece of educational material, the tawdry film features swaths of families, including a family with gay parents and another with - gasp - single mothers! A number of concerned parents called the video "disturbing" - a word we don't think quite sums up the horrors of realistic pedagogy - and rallied for the film to be banned from the curriculum. After two weeks of deliberation, the board has crumbled to the hysterical parents' demands and the children's education will continue to be safe against anything progressive, true or in anyway relevant to the world, their lives and/or rationality.

[Read On ...]

We've got too much exciting stuff planned for you today to dwell in the Foley drudges, so we'll try to make this quick.

First Foley-related point: New (anonymous) allegations claim that the openly gay Republican, Jim Kolbe, knew of Foley's naughty little emails as far back as 2000. Not surprisingly, Kolbe denies the allegations. Five bucks the mysterious allegations came from Dennis Hasturd's office. Okay, make it ten.

Second Foley-related point: Of the scandal, Republican Chris Cannon tries to deflect some of the blame. He says, "These kids are actually precocious...[This email] looks like uh, maybe this one email is a prank where you had a bunch of kids sitting [around] egging this guy on.

Frankly, this is the responsibility of the parents...If you get online you may find people who are creepy. There are creepy people out there who will do and say creepy things. Avoid them. That's what you have to do. And maybe we can say that a little more to the pages"
Or, rather than repeating warnings about the internet, why not tell Congressional leaders to stop trying to sleep with pages because that's just creepy.

When Democrats responded negatively to Cannon's words, he back tracked and put more blame on the parents. As long as a Republican doesn't take the fall, Cannon would probably blame his own mother.

Third Foley-related point: Since Foley resigned from his post, he's escaped official Congressional censure for this entire scandal. But, he's far from safe - there's still the possibility of federal charges. Even if the government takes pity on him, he'll still have to face the Floridians. If found guilty, he'll be forced to wear sleeveless shirts before being fed to the crocs. That's the Florida way.

Since they're pretty much losing the battle against gay marriage, conservatives are now turning their attention toward banning gays& lesbians from adopting children. They're up and running with November ballot inititatives. Someone please save the children from The Gays! But there are already some surprisingly strange laws already on the books across the country. For example, single gays can adopt kids in Mississippi, but queer couple cannot. This is logical. Well, not really.

At least Utah is consistent. All unmarried couples (that includes straights!) are prevented from adopting.

But conservatives are already losing this battle, too. Last week a Missouri judge ruled a lesbian can be a foster mother. It may not be adoption per se, but it's certainly a step in that direction for the state.

Drives to ban gay adoption heat up in 16 states [USA Today]

Missouri judge says lesbian can be foster mom [The Advocate]

The Sundance Film Festival can be pretty gay to begin with. But, starting tonight, Queer Lounge will make sure that both out and closeted celluloid-loving filmmakers, execs, and stars have a physical spot to hook up at the biggest Indie bash of the year.

For those of you treking out to Park City, be sure to check out the many GLBT parties and talks Queer Lounge will be sponsoring. If we weren’t chained to out desk, forced to blog all week long, we’d be jetting over to catch Rosie O’Donnell and her spiky-haired wife chat about their gay cruise (not the kind that star in Mission: Impossible movies) documentary. Where Rosie goes, excitement follows.

This year’s Queer Lounge’s theme couldn’t be more fabulous: classic, 1940’s Hollywood. We love it!

Queer Lounge Builds Audiences For Gay Films At Sundance [Out in America]
Queer Lounge [Official Site]
Sundance Film Festival [Official Site]

Multi-millionare Mormon mogul Larry Miller has refused to respond to questions regarding his decision to can Brokeback Mountain at the last minute from one of his movie theaters in Utah. Reporters cornered him before speaking, ironically, at an NAACP conference on equality.

Local affiliate KSL has video of Miller reaching for a reporter’s long, hard mic.

“I said everything I had to say when I pulled the movie. OK? Anything else you want to know?”

Watch the action carefully, but listen to the rest of the report even more carefully and you’ll hear the “emotional” Miller use the word “twinks,” and whimpering, “I love you” to a tall, handsome black man.

Yes, ladies, this closet queen may have pulled Brokeback Mountain because he related to Ennis Del Mar just a tad bit too much.

'Brokeback Mountain' Wins Award; Larry Miller Remains Mum [KSL]

Recently, there was a big hoopla in the blog world about the Utah theater that pulled Brokeback Mountain. We received the email below and it points out where the film is playing in Utah: The Broadway Center Theater.

My name is Thomas Nelson, and I'm the co-president of Lesbian & Gay Student Union at the University of Utah. I've loved your coverage of queer stuff in Utah, from our Queer Spelling Bee in October to the recent Brokeback Mountain drama with Larry H. Miller.

However, I think that the real compelling story is where the movie is playing in Utah. The Broadway Center Theatre, operated by the Salt Lake Film Society, shows great independent film, and Brokeback Mountain has only bolstered their position in the local queer community.

Larry H. Miller and his businesses are kind of terrible, and I'm glad that none of our gay dollars will go to support the Utah Jazz, his giant desert racetrack, his baseball team, his bad restaurants, his numerous car dealerships, or his unpleasant theaters. Recently Larry H. Miller has perpetuated the Mormon Church's official lies about its origins by producing the Work and the Glory movies. He's not worth the fuss.

Jordan Commons, by the way, is probably the last place I would want to see Brokeback Mountain. Jordan Commons is the kind theater where Mormon mothers breast feed their latest offspring while they throw back a few Krispy Kreme donuts (which they sell by the dozen at the concession stands) while they watch weird locally produced movies like Singles Ward or Baptists at Our Barbecue.

Salt Lake Film Society [Main Page]

Homos, homo supporters, as well as those homo Mormons (we know you’re out there – we’ve seen Latter Days and Angels in America) hoping to buy a ticket to Brokeback Mountain at Salt lake City’s Megaplex at Jordan Commons were greeted instead with a sign that read; "There has been a change in booking and we will not be showing 'Brokeback Mountain.' We apologize for any inconvenience."

Change in booking can roughly be translated to this: “Gay cowboys not welcome.” But Utah isn't the only place Brokeback's been banished.

As for the reneging in Utah, one open-minded group says:

Gayle Ruzicka, president of the conservative Utah Eagle Forum, said not showing the film set an example for the people of Utah.

"I just think (pulling the show) tells the young people especially that maybe there is something wrong with this show," she said.

But for those moral folks who want to see some wholesome entertainment for the entire family, Jordan Commons is still showing the new family-friendly (albeight R-rated) movie Hostel!

Two enamored men swapping spit is just plain wrong, but watching teenagers being bound, gagged, and then tortured to death? So much less detrimental to society.

Utah Theater Cancels 'Brokeback Mountain' [AP via My Way]
Poulsbo theater isn't showing gay-themed 'Brokeback Mountain' [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

Being an out homo in Mormon country has to be difficult. So we think it is pretty bold (and very comical) of Utah’s only openly gay State Senator, Scott McCoy, to own a license plate emblazoned with the words “The Gay.”

"I think it's funny, but I don't want to reenforce (sic) that that's all I am," McCoy said Wednesday, noting he has standard plates on his vehicle now.

The term came from a Salt Lake Tribune story quoting conservative Sen. Chris Buttars' reaction to hearing that McCoy had been elected by Democrats to fill a vacant seat. "The gay?" asked a surprised Buttars, who then declined to comment.

Unfortunately, the plates aren’t actually on his car. He’s keeping them as souvenirs.

McCoy should take this and run with it. We see the potential for a lucrative “The Gay” t-shirt line here.

State senator has a lot more on his plate than most [Salt Lake Tribune]

• Boy George and Anna Nicole Smith are teaming up on a reality show. Makes us we wish we lived in the UK so we can watch what will surely be a coked-up train wreck. [Hello Magazine]

• Latvia has banned same-sex marriage. How do you say "straights only" in Latvian? [Reuters]

• Senator Chris Buttars wants to ban gay-straight alliance clubs in high school. Says the man with the unfortunate surname: "In my mind, if you are in the chess club, what do you talk about? Chess. If you are in the dance club, what do you talk about? Dance. If you are in a gay club, what do you talk about?” Why, fashion of course! [Desert News]

• Jamie Bell, who played a ballerina in Billy Elliot and used to live with the film's much older director, can't possibly understand why people think he might be gay. [Hollywood.com]

• George Michael will be at Elton John’s wedding next week, but not as a hired wedding singer like we had hoped. [Sydney Morning Herald]

• Oh good. Trent is NOT crazy. Wonder if he knows if Madonna’s playing the Roxy?

• Bea Arthur is doing a benefit for the Ali Forney Center. We are so going.

• The University of Utah held a Queer Spelling Bee, where “Queertestants” had to spell words like debonair, fag hag, and DeGeneres.

• Michael Jackson is going back to court. This time as a jurist. He may be picked if the lawyers are looking to fill the jury with middle-aged white women.

• Looks like Musto is hitting all the gay blogs. We thought we were special.