Another week complete, readers! To those of you who survived intact, well done. To those of you who didn’t…well, we’re sorry to hear that. We’ll keep things rockin’ down here until we see you on the flip side.
Now, for those of you launching into a weekend, already on your weekend and even those of you who have to work through the weekend (poor saps), we’d like you to take a second to read our comments on your comments on our earlier comments. That’s right! It’s Queerty ReBUTTal time!!!
And, as always, we have some surprises for you, including a random movie reference and a very special message from a celebrity who puts the fun in fundamentalism!
• Let’s start with our first story of the week: Patrick McHenry’s Very Gay Voter Fraud Scandal. You may recall we regaled you with the news that a grand jury had indicted a man named Michael Aaron Lay on charges of voter fraud. As the muckrakers dugs deeper, they found that Lay – and at least three other gents – listed McHenry’s address on their voter registration. Needless to say, the gay folk had a field day and Michael Rogers at Blogactive gleefully gossiped:
I’ve received tons of tips from across the state, including one from an elected official who told me, “I can tell you Patrick McHenry is gay. I’ve known him long enough to know.”
We had a laugh, too, claiming that the sight of McHenry having sex would kill our sperm. All this joy over the potential end to a hateful politician’s career rubbed one reader the wrong way: “If he committed voter fraud he should be punished. I think it’s funny you want him punished for being gay.” Hmm, it seems that we’re celebrating the alleged unmasking of a vocal homophobe… If that’s not cause to celebrate, what is? We echo reader “NY Studman”: “Dude, he’s not being punished for being gay. He’s being “punished” for being a hypocritical, self-hating asshole.” Dude, that’s so on the money.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
• Speaking of celebrating people’s downfalls, we also spent some of Monday’s marvelous time to inform you that WFNY canned JV and Elvis – the New York radio hosts known to misuse the word “pansy” (“Pansy Shock Jocks Get Booted”) It seems the boys pulled a racist prank on a Chinese restaurant and radio executives sacked ’em. We didn’t get as many comments as we anticipated, but we definitely got some doozies, including this gem from “cd”: “dumb faggots. suck a dick and choke on it.” From your lips to God’s ears.
Irrational reader Ty up in Westchester wrote:
You cum guzzlers of all people should know how to take a joke. Cause you know there is nothing funnier than being gay. Think about it, you let someone stick a dick among other things right in your poop shoot–and then you have colorful parades to celebrate how proud you are of this fact.. Now that is funny.
God bless you fags. Even though we lost JV&Elvis, we are all still laughing at you.
God bless you, too, Ty. And may your penis become covered in painful, pussy blisters. Amen.
• Some of you were certainly saying “Amen” when Reverend Jerry Falwell died Tuesday. Responding to our ingeniously entitled post – Jerry Falwell Dead! – reader Tom wrote:
It’s a shame that I don’t believe in heaven or hell because right now if I did, I’d be happy knowing he’s burning in the deepest depths of the nether region. So I guess I’ll just have to be content knowing the worms will soon be sick of him too.
A thought. Will his grave site be declared a toxic waste dump?
We don’t know, but we’ll get someone right on that story. Reliable responder Paul Raposo also took a bit of delight in Falwell’s demise:
Right now he’s sitting on the right hand of Satan, giving him a handjob. I see nothing wrong in rejoicing at this man’s death.
Nor did reader adamblast:
I can’t help but be glad. This is the man who revelled in our despair throughout the 80s. (Those who believe AIDS was god’s wrath on gays first got their message from Falwell.) He is the godfather of the modern Christian ultra-right, founder of the original so-called “Moral Majority.” Fred Phelps-lite, but with infinitely more political clout. His influence over the American political scene is everywhere, sadly. I wonder which republican candidates will go to his funeral. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Bush went.
Obviously President Bush’s going to the funeral! There’s no way in hell he’d miss it. He’ll probably make a speech of some sort. Perhaps he’ll speak out against the Lesbian Death Avengers, who took responsibility for Falwell’s not-so-fond farewell.
• Another controversial happening on Tuesday. In our pot-flavored Happy Endings: Dude, It’s Totally The Best Thing Ever, we mentioned a high school student named Johnny Vera. Trangendered Vera recently won prom queen, which we celebrated. We accidentally used male pronouns, however, leading reader to inquire:
can i just ask why we’re not referring to the trans teen who won prom queen with female pronouns? it says clearly in the article (in which they disrespectfully use male pronouns at every turn) that she prefers female pronouns. just wondering why that isn’t being respected in a queer blog?
Our apologies. We got thrown off by the name “Johnny”. We punish ourselves with 100 lashings with a cowboy-themed go-go boy’s thong. Ouch!
• Mike Jones had some talking to do this week. Or, at least, his book did. The reformed activist hooker published his Ted Haggard related tell-all, I Had To Say Something: The Art of Ted Haggard’s Fall. Obviously we had something to say about what John Ireland had to say. And, guess what, some of you had something to say about what we had to say about what John Ireland had to say. What you say? Well, reader Frozen North griped:
Hm. Self-righteous much?
You seem to consider it too far beneath you to actually read, but you don’t have any problems exploiting it to make a “news” related article for your website.
We think FN’s offended by our remark: “…This book’s definitely next on our reading list – right after The Art of The Colonic.” F.N., that’s so unfair. I Had To Say‘s totally on our reading list. Right after The Art of The Colonic, which is right after Shaving Your Balls 101.
Colorado based reader Greg also came to Jones’ rescue, insisting he knows “Mike” – first name basis! – personally and he’s totally cool. He also points out that the book deals with Haggard’s attempt to connect with Jones spiritually. Greg ends his long winded, yet just as appreciated comment with:
Although I hate what Haggard was doing against the gay community, I also feel sorry for him.
I guess if all you can see is the “down and dirty on Jones’ first shameful encounters with the disgraced Evangelical leader”. I feel sorry for you as well.
That’s very sweet, thank you. Don’t waste your prayers on us, though. We’re a lost cause – a painful reality we attempted to suppress until you brought it up. B-O-O. H-O-O. (Name that movie!)
• We were especially proud of our AIDS Walk art article this week (AIDS Walk Art’s On A Mission), in which we chatted about the fundraiser’s new poster campaign and its ties to social realism and all that. Well, we just love reader cjc’s comment, “Great cause. And great art. It makes me want to start busting out the ol’ Anthem of the Soviet Union”, but we’d like to hear what other songs this piece inspires. Hint, hint…
• Thursday brought an interesting story about two Chicago 16-year olds charged with a hate crime after passing out some anti-gay material. Remember? “Mean Girls Charged With Hate Crime”… Anyway, these girls had a high school falling out, printed some nasty pamphlets showing their former male friend kissing another guy, wrote “God Hates Fags”, got arrested, hate crime charge, but should it be a hate crime.. You get the drift.
We got loads of comments on that one, but one remark stuck out more than all the others. We won’t tarnish it with copy and pasting. We won’t tarnish the comment from someone claiming to be Fred Phelps’ kin:
We thought “Magormissabib!” to be some sort of curse, but then we remembered it’s an obscure reference to Jeremiah 20:3… Psych!! We didn’t remember that – Christian Answers told us:
Meaning: fear on every side
This name appears only once in the Bible in Jeremiah 20:3. It is a symbolical name given to the priest Pashur, expressive of the fate announced by the prophet as about to come upon him.
Pashur was to be carried to Babylon, and there die.
The Christian Post has a similar explanation:
(terror on every side ), the name giver. by Jeremiah to Pashur the priest when he smote him and put him in the stocks for prophesying against the idolatry of Jerusalem. (Jeremiah 20:3)
Obviously Magormissabib’s a very useful word. And sexy. Use it this weekend when you’re trying to get laid. Report back on Monday.
Over and out,
Queerty…
