We take it for granted that the rainbow flag is a universally recognized symbol of LGBT pride and general loving acceptance — hell, even Putin has something dumb to say about it — but the bubble is real, and we live within its iridescent convex walls.
Over the weekend, a lifeguard at Carolina Beach in North Carolina chose to add to the 4th festivities by flying a rainbow flag at lifeguard tower #37, resulting in what sounds like the plot of an episode of Parks and Recreation.
“Pretty much immediately someone complained,” lifeguard Zach Hupp told WECT. “Told one of the other lifeguards that they thought because I was flying that flag that I would only rescue gay people.”
How exactly a lifeguard would determine if a drowning swimmer was gay remains beyond our scope, but maybe it has something to do with the way in which one flails.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
“I feel like with that flag, I would hope that everyone would feel welcome to come down to the beach, especially near Freeman Park which is filled with other flags that may turn some people away,” Hupp added.
But the town wasn’t having it, and went so far as to amend official policy to be more specific on which flags are permitted to fly.
And they might have a point, as lifeguard flags are used to cue people in to weather conditions. So unless there are mermen swimming near shore, the new rule sounds solid.
But that doesn’t make the confusion any less amusing.
“It wasn’t anything I was trying to go against the town, I’m honestly surprised it became as big of a deal as it has,” Hupp said.
Ororo Munroe
…. Wow
Will Tom Hanse
There are so many stupid people in this world…
Paul Zaragoza
Ha! That’s too funny…
Milton Appleby
Only gays will be saved. Ha!
Will N Van
No, no. He actually meant he would only save people from gay sharks. https://youtu.be/Oe8MkkqSUKg
Damian Healy
I mean, you’ve really got to be a special kind of stupid to think that.
And yet, they are the ones who can reproduce.
God, you fucked up, mate. ð??
Dean Long
#dumbasses
Vance Carlisle Avinger
Clearly this pic is from Sebastian Beach and nowhere near the brown waters of NC!
Valerie Anderson
Lol How stupid is that!
Leonard Woodrow
It seems bleedin’ idiots abound in Carolina.
Craig Bankert
Kinda like gay people fearing the bible beating ER doctor will refuse to treat them in an emergency because of their deeply held religious beliefs. Fascinating.
SaraYork
Maybe their hate has led them to believe that everyone is as hate-filled as they are.
Paul Galero-Phillips
Are people really that stupid.
Darryl Moir
Better then letting us drown like in the past, but please get your head out of your ass.
Andrew Crump
Really I mean really come on there more likely to die of lack of oxygen from haveing there head so far up there ass than drowning
Jim Fortier
Stupid people
Hawg G Wilde
Arconcyyon
Sorry ! More but about is point beache and beache present is they public iglbt beache yes no not @ Band the that present because is very and tuor very public ilgbt beache use present is last beache blue .
Dave Basora
Okay, I live in Miami so I’ve seen, heard of and even participated in some really stupid, STUPID things.
This goes right up to my top 5 with a bullet
Joel Quinones
Really? That would be something only Republicans would come up with.
Lee Morris
well come on now it’s in the Carolinas what do you expect from the South, well then there is these guys, must be where the STUPID comes from. (satire)
Phoenix Lopez Harman
They knew exactly what the flag represents, they just wanted to whine about it!
Stephen Meeks
If only…
Ward Dustin
Who else is worth saving?
pattygale
The Lifeguard should have informed them that unlike many of them, HE did not discriminate and would save even straight homophobes. I have to say, it was necessary to wait 10 minutes and stop laughing before I could type.
Will L
Oh, he’ll save them but what if they need mouth-to-mouth?
Larry Pike
Well I guess if the American flag gets flown at the beach only Americans get saved? Dumb people
SteveDenver
Some people like to be confused and think that playing stupid is clever.
David J Stob
That headline made me LOL ð???
Joseph Puleo
Oy …. No sweethearts only if your a hot man Gay OR Str8
Hank Trout
This happened because the people on the beach assumed that the lifeguard was a bigoted asshole. Like them.
LandStander
@Arconcyyon: Um… What?
Mark Pointon
Lol…
James Dauria
and these idiots are allowed to have kids & vote-and are fearful of Gay people-what a world!
Johnny Jaqua
Oh the life guard has monitored your actions on the beach instead of watching the water to determine your sexuality.
Johnny Mulkerrin
As it should be.
Alvaro Ramirez
Get over yourselves
Jayson A Messner
And the gay angel said … “only save the rainbow children and those that are their friends …. the haters and bigots will be fish food. “
OhHellNo
“Because, um, North Carolina. Yeah, I know. I’m so embarrassed.” – God
Mack
@James Dauria: Scary isn’t it?
Peter Mins
Stupidity knows no boundaries.
Brian Alexander-Fetterman
Actually only people who are not stupid will be rescued.
Rick Fowlie
What a bunch of morons
onthemark
“How exactly a lifeguard would determine if a drowning swimmer was gay remains beyond our scope, but maybe it has something to do with the way in which one flails.”
That, and a proper response to the lifeguard’s Madonna trivia question.
Olympia Manning
Chuck Cardillo
Hard to believe people can be so stupid. Oh, sorry, no it’s not hard to believe, people keep proving it more and more every day.
Brian K Combs
maybe they should if they believe that, less burden of ignorance on our society
Tarra Mazzella
Sounds good to me! Less kids!
Sidney Davies
the amount of stupid is strong.
Londale Foster
Pahahahahaha
musctop
The lifeguard should have clarified–he’s only saving hot people. And lets face it that’s usually the gay guys.
Taz Calandruccio
ROFL
Roberto Y Enzo Hoggelini
Idiots!
Gina
From a different coast comes this beach town’s story: http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-newport-beach-gay-marriage-email-20150708-story.html Councilman Peotter received substantial backing from Howard Ahmanson, Jr. who funded Prop 8. That guy, Howard Ahmanson, Jr., lives in Corona del Mar, where he bought the local election to get his man, Scott Peotter, elected. Here’s one response: http://www.newportbeachindy.com/oped-response-to-newport-beach-council-member-scott-peotters-newsletter/ And here’s the original post: http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Newport-Beach-Council-Update-ART-in-the-PARK.html?soid=1117270525093&aid=z6UYemX_89c
Gus Anderson
Got some straight people at that beach who just aren’t very intelligent.
Lito Velázquez
This isn’t an Onion article?!
Carlos Rico
These are the people that want a straight parade. Let’s give it to them and called it and call it Moron pride.
Gina
Peel the Onion. I’m crying already. There’s some bad business in Newport Beach that you all need to pay attention to:
http://www.dailypilot.com/opinion/tn-dpt-me-0712-commetnary1-20150710,0,7589451.story
Tell Everyone.
jd2222248
I guess the lifeguard could use the Relgious Right Law to only save the homosexuals. But maybe not! 🙂
Zenguy
@Craig Bankert:
It’s scary to think about it, but that scenario is likely to play out eventually. Religious freedom can be used to justify any any type of discrimination.
We should turn that tactic on its head. If business owners find out that customers are devout bible thumpers, they should be allowed to refuse service on the basis of freedom from religion. Same and equal difference!
Giancarlo85
Some people really are stupid.
@Gina: LOL At that article.
“Tolerance needs to be a two-way street. The LGBT community appears to be intolerant of my deeply held views.”
Nobody is taking away his right to have his views. Again that’s a used up old line from christian conservatives who know they lost in the court system. They can have whatever view they want, but they do not have the right to impose that view onto others.
And usually they respond that “gay marriage is being forced on everyone”. No it’s not. If you don’t want gay marriage, don’t have one.
Jim Platt
Shows how disgustingly stupid people become based on ignorance and fear……………..
Robert Rupp
One more reason to believe homophobic people aren’t the sharpest tacks in the box
Scott Haltom
No doubt some of that comes from people like televanglist who want to use fear for their own purposes.
Milk
Not true. Good looking straight guys with buff bodies and big bulges will be save as well.
Roger Honeycutt
Lol
Roger Honeycutt
You can easily tell the gay swimmers they have cute swim suits and can’t so the breast stroke
Curt Scott
No stupids, it means there is a gay undertow warning… you get sucked under, and if you’re lucky enough to come back up you’ll be fabuloooouuus!!
DTOM74
@Vance Carlisle Avinger: Hmmm I was just at Sebastian Beach in Ft. Laud and I never saw one lifeguard…
jwtraveler
I can understand the concern. It makes perfect sense. They’ve been flying the Confederate flag for 150 years to show that only white people will receive the protections of the Constitution and have their civil rights recognized. Why shouldn’t the rainbow flag have the same connotation?
There is still the question of how you determine that a drowning person is gay, but we can leave that discussion for another day.
Jacob Carter
I get why people are making light of this. Concerns that a lifeguard under a rainbow flag might only attempt to save Gay swimmers are ridiculous. However, doesn’t this also indicate success on the part of New Right radicals? Think about it. A propaganda campaign that demonizes a population to such an extent that people fear one of “them” wouldn’t save a drowning man seems like a highly successful one.
Maude
Last I heard, there was about 500 rainbow flag burnings in England, Ireland, and Scotland.