Queerty is better as a member

Log in | Register
SWITCHING SIDES

Ranker.com Lists “Good” Reasons For Straight Guys To Go Gay

Ranker.com just published a list of reasonswhy straight dudes should consider going gay, and it’s a little silly—they basically boil down to: no fear of pregnancy, a new circle of friends to chill, with and a better physique to show off.

The rest of the list kind of just rehashes tired stereotypes about gay men, like we’re more fun, sassier and run Hollywood. (Which, yeah, are all true.)

Here’s what’s wrong with Ranker’s roundup:

* Sure you can’t get pregnant from gay sex, but you have to be even more super-duper careful with condoms. You might not knock anyone up, but you’re eventually going to get something bad down there if you don’t protect yourself. And gay sex is just messier than straight sex—there’s all that lube and twice as much boy batter.

* Yes, you’ll open yourself to a lot of new friends, but you don’t have to be gay to do that. You just have to not be an uptight, close-lipped macho jerk.

* You might get yourself a better body but you’re also going to be judged on your appearance a lot more than if you were a breeder.  It’s going to take a lot of gym time and self-restraint. (See how far a sparkling personality gets you on Grindr.)

A friend of writer Ian Tindell explains: “Gay men are easy. You won’t need to take them on a bunch of expensive dates to get some action. For gay guys, sex is like a handshake, and the ‘getting to know you’ part comes afterwards… They just like sex as much as we [straight guys] do and want it just as often.”

Actually, that’s the best reason for straight men to go homo.

photo by: VarsityLife
By:           Evan Mulvihill
On:           Apr 17, 2012
Tagged: , , , , ,
  • 41 Comments
    • James D.'s Mother
      James D.'s Mother

      @ james… Honey, I’m sorry I raised a self-hating child…but you wouldn’t “regret” being gay if you weren’t sooooo obnoxious. And the stupid remark about “even gays don’t want to be gay” is really beneath contempt. In a right-handed world, left-handed people are always at a disadvantage, but that doesn’t mean they hated themselves…that just means they have to cope with a lot more crap — especially from haters and trolls like you.

      Now, get a low-self-esteem boyfriend (someone like yourself) or new batteries for your “lady’s best friend” (which I know you keep in your sock drawer by your bed in our basement) and leave the good folks alone. Ok?

      Love,
      Mom

      Apr 17, 2012 at 7:33 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • M
      M

      @James D.’s Mother:
      I think I love you :*

      Apr 17, 2012 at 8:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • v
      v

      @jason
      Agree somewhat that “c) men put out for sex more readily than women”. That’s because straight women are dealing with men who label them whores if they are willing to have no strings sex. The other reasons you list are equally true of men and women. Gay men don’t have to hate and compete with women. That thinking is so retro.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 8:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 13Zeroither
      13Zeroither

      @James D. @jason why do you guys have to be such trolls?

      Apr 17, 2012 at 8:59 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jason's Mother
      Jason's Mother

      @ jason ….More (reasonable)reasons:

      a) men aren’t vain like women. …(Let mommy take away your hairspray, gym membership and lip gloss — then we’ll see about that one.)

      b) men aren’t attention whores like women. …(Then why are you here, Jason?)

      c) men put out for sex much more readily than women. …(Because they don’t have something to regret nine months later — like I did. But, after all, I guess I helped you develop your fancy dance-steps by your dodging that coat-hanger wire for the last few months of that.)

      d) men are basically superior to women. …(Yep, I often thought that was true while changing your poopy diapers. Your dad always said that you made him gag — and that’s without the diaper duty. But you might have something there, son. If it weren’t for men, what would we women do for entertainment with the lack of wars, murders, rapes and other forms of good ol’ insecure macho “fear of the other guy having a bigger d*ck” forms of violence? Yep, you ARE superior and, I’m sure, a real “power bottom”.)

      Hugs,
      Mom

      Apr 17, 2012 at 9:14 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fitz
      Fitz

      Actually, not all of us are uptight and narcissistic about the perfect body. Give me a boy with a little pudge and an open heart ANY day over the vapid Castro Queens.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 9:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • michael
      michael

      The list would have been more effective if it was just this:

      1) blowjobs
      2) blowjobs
      3) blowjobs

      The only reason a straight guy needs to go gay is a way more intense blowjob anytime you want one.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 9:54 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fitz
      Fitz

      If your definition of gayness is oral sex, then you’re a boring person. There is a lot more to it than just sex. Please read the brochure.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 9:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg
      the other Greg

      uhhhh… The headline is a little confusing. So what would be the “Bad” Reasons for Straight Guys to Go Gay?

      Apr 17, 2012 at 9:59 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Not really
      Not really

      @Fitz: Actually, there isn’t more to it than just sex. Being gay/homosexual is the act of romantic/sexual attraction or engaging in sexual behavior with someone of the same gender. The lifestyle choices, cultural and social stereotypes and consequences that may accompany being gay don’t may you gay. Having sexual attraction to someone of same sex mays you gay.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 10:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Not really
      Not really

      @Fitz: may(s) = make(s)

      Apr 17, 2012 at 10:26 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • FYI
      FYI

      @the other Greg who wrote: “uhhhh… The headline is a little confusing. So what would be the “Bad” Reasons for Straight Guys to Go Gay?”

      ————-

      …well, for one thing, if a “straight-to-gay” guy said (as straight dudes often do) “Don’t fuckaround with me!” to another cute dude…well…he might get awfully lonely after a while.

      Of course, more realistically, it is pretty obvious that a “straight-to-gay” man would lose his right to marry the person he is in love with (right away) in the majority of the states in America. Furthermore, he could be fired from his job for being “straight-to-gay” (in the majority of states) for no other reason that for being “straight-to-gay”. Sooooo…that might be a few of the “BAD” Reasons for Straight Guys to Go Gay. …Not that there should be any at all.

      I think that most people would be just “sexual” if left alone (although many would still have their gender preferences) — that is, if fabricated social “taboos” were just cast aside after a few generations or so. I believe this is the way of the future, as it was in the past. What is old is new again — eventually.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 10:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mich
      mich

      If a straight guy decides he wants a taste of bent, it’s really up to him. Have fun and best of luck, I say. But if it’s just gonna lead to regrets and loathing, don’t bother. We got enough self-hating gays as it is.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 10:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rawrzellers
      Rawrzellers

      The part about looking perfect is the fucking worst. I hate myself in the gay community because I’m so awkward. Like I thought my community was supposed to make me feel safe and good about myself, yet I wake up every day trying to eat less and less :/

      Apr 17, 2012 at 10:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • FYI
      FYI

      @Rawrzellers: I know what you mean, it’s really difficult to meet shallow people unless you become one of them. Life is soooo hard at times. :)

      Apr 17, 2012 at 10:37 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Adam
      Adam

      I love wearing my boyfriend’s clothes! That one is true, true, true.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 10:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hf2hvit
      hf2hvit

      @James D.: DORK!

      Apr 17, 2012 at 10:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mich
      mich

      @Rawrzellers:
      I can relate to that. And how ironic is it that the same gay meat-market that worships uber-masculine standards adopts the ‘feminine’ value of striving to look perfect just to get a man.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 10:47 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fitz
      Fitz

      @Not really: I don’t agree at all. My attraction to men is bigger than my sexual attraction to them. I bond with (and crave) men in a way that straight guys don’t. I love women (my mom was one), but I don’t feel the same kind of comfort and whatnot. I think it’s a child’s mistake to think that it’s your penis that’s gay. It’s your whole being.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 11:02 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Michael
      Michael

      @Fitz: Do you know what a joke is? Sarcasm maybe? Wow, learn to lighten up. Obviously it went over your head but the joke is the only reason a straight guy would need to go gay is the blowjob. It’s pathetic you can’t see through your own bitterness to lighten up a little bit.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 11:22 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Michael
      Michael

      Wow, could we maybe nominate Fitz as the most bitter and jaded person on here?

      Apr 17, 2012 at 11:24 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fitz
      Fitz

      @Michael: What the hell are you talking about. Why are obese sexless people so hector-projectorish?

      Apr 17, 2012 at 11:50 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • staniel
      staniel

      This is why the right wingers always say that gays are trying to recruit. And apparently they are correct.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 11:52 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Charlie in Charge
      Charlie in Charge

      The fringe benefits of being a ‘mo are endless. They should at least try it on a trial basis.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 11:53 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mich
      mich

      Right wingers say that? Nyaww shucks I guess they figured out our plan for Gaytopia

      Apr 17, 2012 at 11:58 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Timmeeeyyy!!!
      Timmeeeyyy!!!

      Well I don’t know about you, but I LOVE being reduced to a cultural stereotype! Again.
      Sincerely,
      The tots hot sassy gay best guuurrrrlfriend (snap)

      Apr 17, 2012 at 12:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Larry
      Larry

      dumbest article EVER…however james mother/ jasons mother are quite clever and I I think queerity would benefit from hiring them

      Apr 17, 2012 at 12:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chance
      Chance

      The whole idea of this article is ridiculous. If someone is gay, they’re gay. If they’re straight, they’re straight. If they’re bi, they’re bi. Yes, some people experiment, but then they either like it or they don’t. I will be the first to admit that I have had crushes on straight guys and have hoped that my straight best friend would wake up one day and realize he was as much in love with me as I was with him, but let’s be realistic.

      Add to that, if the article had been about “reasons gay guys should go straight,” a lot of gay people would be up in arms (seriously…how many gay guys have a good opinion of the so-called “ex-gay ministries” out there?)

      There might be humor in this, but when so many of us struggle to be taken seriously as it is, and it’s a struggle to be accepted for who we are…how can we really expect people to believe that being gay is NOT A CHOICE when there are articles like this BS?

      Apr 17, 2012 at 12:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bryan
      Bryan

      The premise of the article is stupid but some of the point(s) are true, it is a lot easier for to be in a relationship with a guy than a girls. The latter require more work.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 3:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BlogShag
      BlogShag

      “Good Reasons For Straight Guys To Go Gay?” Whenever I see headlines or people talking like this, it screams that the author or that person is bisexual, unless they are talking about gay for pay

      Apr 17, 2012 at 3:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • peter
      peter

      well my sex life is easily 1000 times better than any of my straight friends. they only dream about getting their girlfriends to do threesomes, much less six or seven-somes . . .

      Apr 17, 2012 at 5:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • rev sigmund
      rev sigmund

      @peter:
      its that attitude and wreckless lifestyle that caused the HIV/AIDS epidemic to spread out of control.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 5:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • michael
      michael [Different person #1 using similar name]

      Fits, you come across as beyond bitter. Btw, you might want to check yourself first before you attempt to dish because you come across as witless and lame. I am actually a very fit and very attractive man, something I am beyond sure isn’t shared between us.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 5:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      When a man courts another man, it’s basically a bat of an eyelid and they’re off to bed. When a man courts a woman, there’s a whole ritual associated with it, unless she’s drunk.

      Face it – women are demanding individuals with low sex drives relative to men. They demand attention, they demand flattery, and they demand money.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 6:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • J Stratford
      J Stratford

      @jason: gays are vain and attention whores too.

      We put out more. check
      Superior? ehhh

      Apr 17, 2012 at 6:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • J Stratford
      J Stratford

      @Chance: an article saying why gay men should go straight is funny if the reasons are funny like 1) you don’t have to change your underwear everyday. 2) you can get a girl even if you have “love handles”, … etc.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 6:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Charlie in Charge
      Charlie in Charge

      You know y’all it gets rough out there and sometimes it’s fun to be reminded of the ways in which it is wonderful to be gay. Sometimes I hear things like “Of course being gay isn’t a choice, who would choose to have to deal with…” and I know that speaker is trying to be helpful but it’s nice to read a few ways (however satirical) that we have a good thing going.

      If you read this article and thought “These suggestions don’t apply to my experience of homosexuality. I am offended that I am being reduced to a stereotype and lumped in with the kinds of Hollywood-approved gays I don’t relate to.” then maybe you need to lighten up.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 6:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Andrew
      Andrew

      BlogShag-Or they’re one of those gay men who actually believes that all men even hetero men want or have sex with men. Gay men like this are out there and yes they actually do believe this, some need to believe this about straight men. It doesn’t mean that the author of the piece of bisexual and there’s nothing wrong with being bisexual. “Gay” for pay is just another term for being bisexual since no actual hetero or straight guy is going to do gay porn or have sex with men for money.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 8:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Giltrbee
      Giltrbee

      I’m sorry, I don’t give it out like handshakes, I’m not a meet & greet at a presidential rally, you gonna have to wait a least two or three dates. I’m not a one night stand I’m the girl you take home to your parents.

      Apr 17, 2012 at 9:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BlackRockRitual
      BlackRockRitual

      Hey, I care a great deal about personality!

      Oh wait… I’m bisexual.

      Apr 23, 2012 at 2:36 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • HugoHunter
      HugoHunter

      there is an excellent site about straight guys going gay for pay is called beefcakehunter.com

      Aug 4, 2014 at 10:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

    Add your Comment

    Please log in to add your comment

    Need an account? Register It's free and easy.



  • QUEERTY DAILY

     


    POPULAR ON QUEERTY


    FROM AROUND THE WEB

    Copyright 2014 Queerty, Inc.
    Follow Queerty at Queerty.com, twitter.com/queerty and facebook.com/queerty.