“All my life I thought I just had a shitty personality because I couldn’t seem to form good relationships with anyone, whether platonic or otherwise,” begins the online confession. But you might want to hold off on doling out the empathy until you’ve heard him out.
“My experience cat fishing has convinced me otherwise. It is so so easy to talk to people when they think you’re someone who is attractive,” he continues, and suddenly we feel a little queasy.
Related: Hundreds Of Straight Bros Tricked Into Flirting With Each Other In Best Tinder Hack Ever
Catfishing, of course, is the act of using a false identity on social media to lure in unsuspecting victims, whether it be to convince them to send you racy photos or the mere entertainment value of tricking someone into trusting you. And this Redditor is apparently a pro, utilizing apps like Grindr and Tinder to chat hot guys up.
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And while the act is entirely irredeemable, something about this remorseless catfisher gives us the feels.
Related: Mother Opens Grindr, Finds Her Husband’s Headless Torso In Their Bathroom
“Guys open up to me, take revealing pictures of themselves, and express their love for me…Turns out my people skills have been good enough all this time, I’m just too damn ugly for anyone to take me seriously. This is at once maddening and liberating,” he reveals.
Can you really blame a guy who’s been made to feel like he’s less-than because of the way he looks for finding an outlet?
Related: Closeted Gay Teen Finds Homophobic Dad On Grindr
Well, it turns out you can. Yeah, you definitely can. Especially after you hear the real crux — his agenda, if you will.
“I like taking hot guys down a peg. They’ve been given so much and are so blissfully unaware if it. I love getting them to take pics of themselves playing with their ass…For all the benefits they receive for being born good looking I feel like they deserve to be punished just a little but for it. I think that’s fair. Ultimately I’m not really hurting anyone. Just temporarily embarrassing them. But they can handle it.”
Alright that’s a bit too twisted, and coming from us that’s saying something.
Yet another reminder that you never know who you’re really dealing with online. Be careful out there!
Paul Tidd
That’s why you never send nudes to strangers. If they want to see, they can see it in person, after they buy you dinner, and prove to be who they say that they are.
TrueWords
This is why I have NEVER sent a nude picture of myself for a hookup (when I was single and happily married now)…if you can not cam with me in “real time” then you are a FAKE and I have never been seduced by the lure of pictures and words they are too easy to snag from somewhere else on the internet and some people know how to say the “right thing online because they have ulterior motives and are plain psychos”…there is too much technology out there for me to believe otherwise when someone says to me that they can not cam, I press delete…this has ALWAYS been my rule…lastly I would only meet up in person in a neutral place first to get a feel (make sure that they were not high or dangerous) for that person that is near my home…then a quick walk to my place (not traveling outwards to be disappointed that someone gave me the wrong address or that there place looks like a trash bin) because there are people who like to secretly video tape…the world even the GAY WORLD is full of strange, callous, spiteful, bitchy, vengeful, deceptive and weird people so I have found that having some rules of engagement was essential for maximum enjoyment..
The above manner secured me some hot sex and even hotter repeated sex…
Ryuun12
What did he do? All it says is that he humiliated them. Which sounds like all he’s referring to is receiving pics of them in compromising positions. Sorry, but if you’re willing to give out those kind of pics online that’s your fault.
I did not get “chills down my spine”. I somewhat understand where the guy is coming from. Guys (especially online) can be picky assholes. I myself feel I’m worthless and ugly, because of online dating. I understand his point of wanting to knock hot guys down a peg because lets face it, guys in the hotter population (though I’m NOT saying all of them) tend to be very shallow and rude. So yeah, they should get a reality check.
I don’t agree that he should be catfishing them, but if all he’s doing is collecting pics, then… who cares? The other guys are sending the pics of their own free will. Unless there is more to the story, it doesn’t sound like this guy is bad at all. He’s just a guy who’s hurt and wants people to feel what he’s feeling.
I was expecting that he would rape or beat them up or rob them. But it doesn’t even sound like he meets them!
TrueWords
@Ryuun12: then you first of all need a self-esteem check and then secondly you are an asshole just like this person…or maybe you can switch those around either way you get the point…
I myself feel I’m worthless and ugly, because of online dating. I understand his point of wanting to knock hot guys down a peg because lets face it, guys in the hotter population (though I’m NOT saying all of them) tend to be very shallow and rude. So yeah, they should get a reality check.
wklotz1
How is this really news or article worthy? With ever-advancing smart phone technology cat fishing has been around for awhile and is increasing in the both the mainstream and queer dating world. The confessor barely says much and it really didn’t send chills down my spine. Catfishing is deceitful but I can see why people do it. The standards of beauty in the gay community is even more complex than those of the heteronormative world. But, just keep keepin’ on.
Jose C. Arroyo
What a terrible person. One day someone gonna get him. Envy is an ugly color for people to wear.
wklotz1
@wklotz1:
…are* even more complex than
TrueWords
The rules about beauty are there but gay men need to determine how they want to be engaged…just because I enter the three ring circus of online hook up the level of wants and needs should not overpower your sense of self…but alas many gay men are using their time LESS with real engagement (such as actually meeting) but rather online where the veil of lies and deceit have become for many a game of cloak and dagger…
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Leon Wilborn
On one hand, this guy sounds like a bitter troll who needs to find something better to do than act out a vendetta against attractive men. On the other hand, guys need to be more careful about what pictures they send…but I didn’t find this spine chilling at all, but that’s because I don’t use apps.
Mark Bryan
OR, people could treat everyone with respect and dignity (and not send out their nudes to just anyone with a nice picture), and people like this guy would be much less common.
Gerald GeeLocke Panuthos
disturbing… to say the least.
Deon Letsoalo
Well, that was anti-climactic!
Glücklich
My husband has the only compromising photo of me, which he took himself.
Thom Capuchin
It’s sweet he thinks he’s embarrassing these guys. Obviously you can’t embarrass anyone who is willing to send a nude photo of themselves. They’ll keep on living their lives while he continues to jerk off to it. Sorry troll, maybe if you at least tried to be interesting IRL, you wouldn’t have to go to extremes to see “hot” guys naked.
curan
You should not punish someone for something that they did not do, and you should not reward someone for something that they did not do.
Beauty is something that you did not do. It either happened to you, or it didn’t.
Every person is unique, and no one can say how important they will be. Beauty should be the least of our concerns in those that we choose to keep in our lives.
enfilmigult
@Ryuun12: Okay dude. Do what you want, but don’t lie to yourself about what you’re doing. Humiliating guys for not finding the real you physically attractive is not giving them a “reality check,” it’s giving yourself a feeling of sweet vengeance against the fact that you can’t just force hot guys to be interested in you. The problem is you’re no better, or you would be pursuing some kind of healthy relationship with a non-shallow, non-rude non-hot guy instead of wasting your time banging your head against this wall.
And, along with the self-deluding bullshit that you’re performing some kind of public service, it’s also self-deluding bullshit to pretend that situation has them doing anything “of their own free will.” You’re tricking them, and you know full well that if they had all the information about the cirumstances they wouldn’t be doing it. If you can’t own up to that maybe you shouldn’t be doing it.
Giancarlo85
@Leon Wilborn: That is true. This guy sounds like a desperate ugly ass… But yes, people should exercise caution and not send nude pics at all.
This story doesn’t surprise me though. Guys have fake profiles all the time on these dating sites.
jantheman4903
i have lost out as i don’t have a webcam..hell i only have a landline/ my elderly dad lives with me and is 10 feet away now. i do understand the verification..but there are also men DYING to show themselves off…and thats who this guy catches i bet. have a good day all.
musctop
It’s kind of sad and hilarious at the same time. What does this guy win? Guys who will post naked and compromising pics are going to do that anyway because they have nothing to lose. But at the end of the day all this guy has is his own dick in his hand masturbating to something he’ll never have. So how is he the winner here?
John_SD
@Ryuun12:
“I did not get “chills down my spine”. I somewhat understand where the guy is coming from. Guys (especially online) can be picky assholes.”
This is the most shallow comment possible. People have the right to have their type and their interests and to only date, marry or have sex with those they want to. They are NOT your sex objects and they do not have to sacrifice anything just so you can screw them.
“I myself feel I’m worthless and ugly, because of online dating.”
That is your problem and not the problem of those who aren’t interested in you. Placing blame on other people for not wanting to hook up or date you is extremely shallow. The fact is that there probably are a lot of guys who would date or have sex with this guy but he is so shallow he thinks they are ugly and is too busy taking the hotties down a peg. That speaks volumes ABOUT HIM and not about those who aren’t interested in him. It’s not like those he labels as “hot” are thinking “he’s ugly.” Hardly, it’s just a matter of being interested. Does this guy think every guy he likes or thinks is hot should have sex with him, find him attractive or want to be with him?
“I understand his point of wanting to knock hot guys down a peg because lets face it, guys in the hotter population (though I’m NOT saying all of them) tend to be very shallow and rude. So yeah, they should get a reality check.”
When dealing with shallow people like you and this guy that is very true. A lot of people you project onto or label as hot, etc do not want to deal with the nonsense all of the time. They do not want to have people they are not interested in acting like idiots. Your comment speaks volumes. Specifically the part of “guys in the hotter population…tend to be very shallow and rude.” Really? A hotter population? Or just the population of sex objects that you think should have sex with you because you like them and are entitled to their bodies? I know of very few guys who think that they are part of a “hotter population” and it’s not shallow to say that you aren’t interested and when these people are harassed by perverts who turn them into sexual objects and fantasies some of them can naturally get rude. If you are objectified every damn day by shallow people you probably would too.
Let me paraphrase the basic argument of this guy and you:
1) I think X is hot
2) If X does not think I’m hot and won’t have sex with me or date me X is shallow
What’s even more disgusting is that none of you shallow people would ever have sex with the people you call ugly.
“it doesn’t sound like this guy is bad at all. He’s just a guy who’s hurt and wants people to feel what he’s feeling.”
Hurt? I am certain there are literally thousands and maybe millions of guys who like him, find him attractive and would be with him if he would give them a second chance but instead he is busy harassing people that do not like him because he’s not their type. It’s gross.
“I was expecting that he would rape or beat them up or rob them. But it doesn’t even sound like he meets them!”
No, he is just a pervert who harasses people he thinks are hot and tricks them into hoping that they are going to have a relationship with someone who they find attractive only to learn that an asshole tricked them into having hope that they may have found the one for them. It’s disgusting, predatory and shallow.
Your kind saying others are shallow is ironic because you are the shallow ones.
Mark Burgett
Yeah, not really. This happens all the time. The reality that we’re on an app where your looks come first and your personality comes second, if at all, reinforces a lot of what’s wrong with the gay community. And considering how many porn sites use fake app accounts to elicit amateur nude photos from young or underage guys to post on their sites drives this point home.
John_SD
@wklotz1:
“Catfishing is deceitful but I can see why people do it. The standards of beauty in the gay community is even more complex than those of the heteronormative world. But, just keep keepin’ on.”
Let’s be very clear about one thing and that the standards that we are talking about are not those of people who simply want who they want instead it is the shallow and depraved individuals who label certain guys hot and then demand that they be interested in them. I think the real issue is the fact that these so-called “non-hot” guys as they like to label themselves really think certain guys are ugly and others are hot and they demand that the men they label as hot like them and have sex with them while they would never have sex or date the people they consider ugly. They label these men who refuse to let them turn them into sex objects as shallow.
The only standard of beauty in the gay community is the individual. If I find someone who is funny, kind and sweet beautiful and he happens to be my physical type that I also find attractive and someone else comes along and says “look at those two. He only dates the hot guys and won’ let me fuck him. He’s shallow for not being my sex toy.”
Let’s say this from a so-called hot guy’s perspective (there are plenty of people who do not find me the least bit attractive) These guys are depraved and don’t want to get to know me. They call me names like porn star and babe and hot ass. You name it. They send me pics of their dicks and comments like “hey you” or “hello” and then they show a complete lack of social skills.
In a few notable instances they act like this predator and show some social skills but it’s not because they have the skills but are instead sociopaths. The reason this guy does not have anyone is because he’s nuts. He looks at other men and ranks them on their hotness level and then demands that all the hotties get with him and ignores those he considers the uglies. When those he objectifies won’t date or have sex with him he does shit like this. This is the truth of it:
If someone who is into twink looking guys is approached by a jock he doesn’t have to act like he’s interested in the jock regardless of the fact that there are many who are into jocks who would ate him. If a guy who is into jocks is approached by a twink he does not have to pretend to be into him, go on dates with him or have sex with him just to make that other guy feel good. The reality is that how people look is just as important of a criteria for people as other traits are. It’s a valid one. Do you people seriously think that people who don’t find someone else attractive should have sex with them or is it that every single person on the planet must find every other person attractive or be labeled shallow if they don’t?
This is not an indictment of those people like you say are resorting to standards of beauty yet they aren’t the ones doing that. It is men like this who are doing that. It is him who has the issues. It is him who is ignoring thousands of guys who would love to date him because he is busy chasing after people he objectifies and wants to get with.
This is why it is so upsetting to many people. Acting like certain people are born hot. What exactly does he mean by that? This sounds more like a guy who is really into objectification and who may not even be gay but a predator who wants to fuck those he thinks are hotter than he is because it’s a way for him to live through them.
The reality is that no one is hot and no one is ugly to every single person. If he can’t find a single guy to date or have sex with it’s not because they are too picky. It’s because HE IS.
Daniel Bujes
Coming from someone that has been on the spectrum of “really good looking” to “hideously fat” and now am “kinda good looking” I feel this man is justified.
When I was twink bod with lean muscle guys wouldn’t leave me alone. I got an injury and along with depression went up to 300lbs – guys would avoid eye contact and I would never get messaged first on apps. Now that I am thinner and more muscular again, I am getting messages and responses and cruised all the time.
Not many people get to witness these reactions in such a short time as I have. But when you do, you look at the gay community very differently.
David Tillman
Too funny
Mykaels
If I rolled my eyes any harder, they would punch a hole in the ceiling.
Some guys boost their self esteem by deriding everyone else. Whether through wit, or charm, or looks, or class, or status (pick which one you want), this happens. It is a game many people play. Hot jock looks down on me cause I am 36 and overweight, I look down on him because I have a 185 IQ. Everyone uses it for offense and defense, and more often than not, all these attacks do is hide insecurities.
Focusing on this guy is like standing in the fire and complaining it is hot. He is a symptom of the real problem: a community that judges instead of unites. And we keep reinforcing this pattern over and over.
Jock hates his job because everyone looks down on his because they assume he is dumb because all he EVER talks about is working out at the gym. He leaves work that day frustrated and decides dancing is in order. At the club, he ignores all the ugly guys sitting off by themselves and dances with the hotties. The next day he calls in sick and delivers his application to a new company. He hands it directly to a manager, who was one of the uglies at the club, who recognizes him and throws away the application as soon as jock leaves, because . Its a systemic problem that permeates every aspect of our society.
And until we stop this, there are going to be more and more articles of how the old people are charged extra to hang out with the young, the uglies are catfishing, etc etc etc.
John_SD
@Leon Wilborn:
“On one hand, this guy sounds like a bitter troll who needs to find something better to do than act out a vendetta against attractive men.”
It’s just another example of how shallow some people are and how they project their shallow thinking on to the objects of their shallowness. He’s bitter that guys he’s attracted to don’t always find him attractive yet he won’t date those guys that aren’t his type either. He expects people he’s attracted to physically to sacrifice their own priorities in relationships so that he can have what he wants. He’s no different than the shallow guy who looks at female models on TV and then demands that those women be into him even if they aren’t looking for his type yet when a woman who he considers fat, ugly or ordinary comes his way and shows interest in him then it’s like “I won’t date or marry her. I want that porn star, model or ‘hottie'”
Why would any person that a person like that labels as hot want to date or have sex with a person who thinks that way? It’s not just that he’s bitter. He’s bitter because he’s shallow. Guys have the right to only date guys they actually find attractive. That is a “duh” statement.
Duh, if you aren’t physically attracted to someone you aren’t going to date or have sex with them
Duh, if you aren’t physically attracted to women you aren’t going to date or marry a woman and you aren’t shallow for only liking men
Duh, if you aren’t compatible with someone on an emotional, physical, mental or social level you aren’t going to date them. Someone who is a CEO of a company and who has his or her act together isn’t going to start to date a McDonald’s minimum wage worker who plays video games all day even if she’s the model he wants to get with.
Now, it is easier said then done but if you aren’t the physical, mental, social or financial type of someone else maybe you should actually strive to be those things. That or start accepting those you reject yourself. Which this man clearly doesn’t. He’s busy taking hotties down a peg. Sadly, all the ‘uglies’s as he has labeled them are thinking that they would love to get with him but he’s too shallow for them to even look at.
Every day in this country women are ignored by shallow men for the very same reason this man ignores other men while pursuing the “hotties.” Guys have this image of beauty that they use on others and sadly the reality is that those who call other’s hotties are the ones engaging in it. I have straight friends with pictures of models on their wall and they will be chasing “attractive women” as they see it yet there are “ordinary” looking women they refer to as fat, ugly or say that they don’t have to accept them and can’t understand why the “MODEL” type doesn’t want them.
This is what is happening here. A very shallow man has objectified other men and fitted them into a physical category and the only goes after those he finds attractive and if they do not return his interest he maligns them as shallow when the reality is that he’s a bitter troll who refuses all the advances of the “uglies” while attacking the “hotties” for being shallow. LOL. It is so freaking hilarious and I can’t help but laugh because it’s clear to me whose the shallow ones.
Clai Green
Too funny ummm don’t send nudes that’s what you get !
NoCagada
“Yet another reminder that you never know who you’re really dealing with online.”
And meeting somebody in a bar is better? Do you EVER really know? I had a friend when I was a kid. His dad was a really nice guy…turned out he was murdering women for 15 years and dumping their bodies til he got caught. Do you EVER really know???
John_SD
@NoCagada:
“And meeting somebody in a bar is better?”
Yes, meeting people in a public place allows for people to get a sense of another person and it is a place of safety. Of course, even in cases like that giving someone too much information can still lead to stalking or other serious problems. It is easy with just a few pieces of information to find someone. If you give a person your first name and your profession they could likely locate you online. Even simple information such as a friends name can do this. This is why some sense goes into any interaction we have with others whether it’s online or in person.
We can never truly know anyone completely without being that person ourselves and even then we can’t really say we truly know ourselves yet that does not mean that we should not live our lives. If someone I meet and become friends with murders me. I’m dead and that that is that. I have no fear of that happening to me. I could easily walk out of a far after meeting someone and get hit by a sober mother of 3 on her way to pick up her 3 kids from a friends house.
Your line of thinking is dangerously close to mentally ill. I do not say that to offend you but to merely point out that living our life with the thinking that we never really know someone is not the way to live. It’s true that you didn’t know your friends father as well as you thought but it’s also true that you don’t know yourself that well either. If in 10 years you get a mental disease that results in you becoming a serial killer I think your family and friends will deal with that reality when it comes.
Glücklich
Catfishing as a panacea to bitterness is a clear sign of the Reddit user having too much time on his hands. Same point I make when people in my office start bitching about each other or spend too much time on personal phone calls: “Well, you obviously don’t have enough to do.”
Pick up a book, develop some interests aside from having sex, go for a walk…anything to get off the damned mobile apps or from in front of a screen and one is much more likely to meet people whose sole motivation is appearance.
Everyone HAS to bring more to the table than looks or money.
Greg Morris
That’s why reverse Google image search is valuable. Had a guy hit me up who was hot asking me to take videos of myself pissing. Thought it was odd so I did a search and found his pic all over tumblr and pinterest. Then I asked him to send me another pic of him, which he did but this one was faceless. I noticed that the hair patterns were different so my assumption was confirmed and I called him out on it. He got all pissy, accused me of being an ass and to leave him alone. Needless to say I was already a step ahead of him. But I do wonder how many others he has tricked because it was a hot profile pic. He just chose a guy who questions everything on the apps.
Spike
So what’s the big deal, Queerty, he has only proven that most hot guys . . you know, the one that appear in all of your underwear posts, are just plain stupid and easily deceived once they think they have gotten the attention of another hot guy. It’s called common sense, which few of them have. Thank you to this reddit user for reminding us of this. And figures that Queerty would take offense.
Glücklich
@Glücklich: one is much more likely to meet people whose sole motivation is *NOT* appearance.
TrueWords
Catfishing is for people who have WAY too much time on their hands when they should have their dick in it…
AtticusBennett
yeah i can blame him. FUCK this “oh, mean shallow gays are so mean and shallow!” bullshit. it’s BULLSHIT.
here’s the kicker – what does this guy actually look like, AND – does he go after guys that look like him?
i have zero sympathy for men who complain about how “shallow gay men are” and yet they themselves have a narrow and shallow idea of what’s attractive!
feeling ugly while only ever going for the type of guys that aren’t into you is YOUR OWN PROBLEM – the out of shape guy who only goes for “men’s health”-looking types. what nonsense.
there’s no doubt a sea of guys much like the Catfisher whom he could fuck, date, marry, whatever. alas, he’s too busy shallowly looking at “those shallow hot guys” to realize that he himself is just as shallow.
i dealt with a Grindr cat-fisher just yesterday. i could tell the pic he was sending was not actually of him. so i asked “take a pic right now. stick your tongue out or something so i know it’s right now”
minutes go by, and he sends over two more pics of that same totally–not-him dude.
i repeat “ok, thanks. now take a pic right now. flash me a peace sign. so i know it’s you”
20 mins go by. then the angry response from him which hilariously said “i don’t spend all day taking selfies you know, and you haven’t even sent me anything back”
i replied that i don’t need to send anything back as i have a main profile pic with my face, and a link to my instagram account. he doesn’t need to “take selfies all day” – just take one. right now. on grindr.
he got angrier. lots of “fuck you” and finished with “why don’t you go DREAM about being with me!?”
well, i don’t dream about being with guys who use fake pics. that’s why.
and this story is nonsense. it’s not that other gay men are shallow – it’s that this catfishes s just as shallow, if not more so, than the guys he criticizes, yet only has eyes for.
no sympathy.
AtticusBennett
@Daniel Bujes: how many 300 pound guys do you currently hit on?
James Sigmon
Grindr, is as fake as the profiles and peoples picture
AtticusBennett
@Spike: ironic considering the photo you’re choosing to use as your avatar, eh?
i mean, what do you look like? an ultra-ripped-and-buff white guy in a speedo? methinks not.
o.codone
no story here.
Christopher Kingry
The guy is committing fraud, plain and simple. No doubt he’s using stolen photos to represent himself, which is identity theft.
TrueWords
@AtticusBennett: If you can not cam…you are NOT real…I want to see the goods before I get excited…conversation is not enough and I do not share nude pics…that is just asking for trouble…also supplying men free porn…that is what myvidster is for
AtticusBennett
the piety of the catfishes is pathetic. and, like all pathetic trolls, he doesn’t even see how sad he is.
it’s like that wannabe-masc-straight-acting NOT OUT gay guy who spends his time online calling other guys “fems” – haha, you called them fems. but guess what? they’re Out, they have real lives, and all you have is anonymous unloved bitterness. kudos!
its simple – this guy would have a better life if he wasn’t so shallow. he could meet and date guys that look like him. but he doesn’t want that. he wants guys that aren’t into him. because he’s just as shallow as the guys he wants to “take down a peg”
YEARS ago i was a gym bunny – i went from cute to superstar in a month, because i built me a wicked hot body. all it meant was that new ultra-shallow guys would hit on me. it was boring. but this isn’t a gay thing – it’s a human thing.
you can choose to care about shallow people, or not. this catfish coward chooses to care. and be shallow.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnw1sEZ_sus
DistingueTraces
I really don’t see the big deal.
I’m always very up front about who I am and what I’m looking for on dating apps, not as a point of pride but simply because it’s the quickest way to get what I want. But that is not the norm — I would say the majority of people online are there just to spin out one fantasy or another.
Even if it’s a real picture, guys online are rarely honest about why they’re there. Many say they’re versatile but aren’t, say they’re “masc” (lol who cares) but aren’t, say they’re single but aren’t, say they weigh what they weighed three years ago, say they want to meet but really just want to collect pictures — or to collect compliments.
Etc, etc.
And so what? It’s a bore, but it’s only flirting after all, no harm’s been done other than wasting time, and weren’t you online to waste a little time anyway?
I see no difference between these trivial deceptions I encounter every day and the self-flattering lies of the guy in this story.
Stache99
@TrueWords: The meeting in neutral place I can agree but there’s nothing wrong with sending nude pics. Are you some public personality where your dick needs to be under lock and key? I mean if you expect me to suck it I should at least get to see if I even want it. All men are not created equal after all.
In my experience the ones who get all uptight over this are the ones you least would want to see naked or be with.
Stache99
@TrueWords: Btw. I’m not saying your great personality and wit wouldn’t count. The older I get the more I seem to consider talk foreplay.
level75RDM
@Glücklich: Pretty much. The fact he’s bought into the whole “sex=self-worth” thing just shows how shallow he is. Maybe if he’d stop collecting pictures and find something worthwhile to do with his time, he’d whine a lot less.
Stache99
@Daniel Bujes: I understand but it isn’t necessarily just the gay community your talking about. People naturally respond better to that. Btw. I need a good personality to go with it. Now I might make some exeptions for those “big personalities” but that’s another story:)
Stache99
@DistingueTraces: Yeah, I don’t really care myself. It’s just some harmless fun. Now if I decide to meet up just please look like your pics or description please and not what you looked like twenty years ago or god forbid someone else.
Nick Jackson
They hate us cuz they ain’t us.
Sansacro
Does anyone even read some of these commenter’s Proust-length comments? Just wondering. . .
tdh1980
All of this slut shaming regarding which kinds of men send nude photographs is making me think I’ve slipped into a time warp. Let’s be sex-positive guys. Being chaste doesn’t make you more virtuous; it simply means you have less sex.
Though the trope is that “opposites attract,” by and large like seeks out like, so the probability that someone extremely attractive in the conventional sense will be interested in a person who is not is very remote. The challenge for all of us is to deprogram ourselves from thinking there is only one, narrowly-defined standard of beauty because that causes us to miss out on several otherwise good guys who each can be attractive in a myriad of other ways. I’ve surprised myself with the types of guys to whom I’ve been drawn when I’ve allowed my mind to be open to the possibilities. Plus, my nearly 35 years of living has come to show me that there indeed is somebody out there for everybody. EVERY. SINGLE. BODY. Even some of the worst people I know.
level75RDM
@tdh1980: There is no slut shaming going here. You should be more discerning about who you send potentially compromising pictures of yourself to because there are people out there who will take advantage of that. Kind of like this weirdo redittor (who is, by the way, utilizing deceit to manipulate people. Where is he virtue in that?)
And yes, there are wonderful guys out there who may not have the looks but may be great relationship material nonetheless. This guy, who readily admits to lying to manipulate others, is not one of them.
tdh1980
@level75RDM: I’m referring to the general chastisement regarding sending nudes to strangers, as if a stranger’s possesion of an image of one’s junk is the worst thing in the world that can happen. I’d like to believe we’ve reached an age in which we’ve evolved beyond that type of thinking. Everyone has private parts, and they’re nothing of which to be ashamed or embarrassed. I don’t condone anything this dude has done, however.
Walker
So basically what I’m reading here and in some of the comments is, “Sending nude pictures to random strangers on the Internet is fine…unless the guy is actually ugly, in which case he’s a horrible person for convincing you he was someone actually worthwhile– we mean pretty.”
Yeah, you’re the horrible person, sorry. This guy has proven that.
Raymond DiGiacomo
“Twisted?” “Chilling?” C’mon: he’s just yet another internet phoney with too much time on his hands.
David Bolton
@John_SD:
Right? What annoys me most about this story is the inherent sense of entitlement that the “catfisher” is given because he’s at a disadvantage and people should feel sorry for him!
Wah wah. IF this person is even real (which I doubt), he sounds like a borderline sociopath. People who don’t fit in with a particular kind of group usually find another one in which they do fit. Especially adults. This guy is at best a lazy asshole and at worst a lying, manipulative narcissist.
But what I don’t get is the whole “chills down your spine” because this guy got you to send him a pic or engage him in conversation? I mean—these are hookup sites and anyone who got put out by taking 5 seconds out of their day to take a dick pic needs to get a fucking clue. I have naked pics all over the internet of me and could care less if someone sees them. So I unlocked for you and you’re not actually hot? OMG! I’m going to kill myself!
And as someone who actually did have an online stalker who snowed me into believing we could have a relationship—I can tell you that these things take MONTHS with HOURS every day devoted to it. Someone who makes a few sweet comments isn’t going to get anyone to “declare their love” unless he’s online 24/7 and they are too.
But after all… this guy ends the day starting with nothing and ending it with nothing. He could be improving himself and instead he’s wrecking his own life.
Wooly
These aps may help guys but often hinder them as well. Being blind I find them quite useless myself, although I did enjoy the phone lines of the past. I agree with a lot of guys here that this guy is wasting his time and just being bitter. Go out, meet people get involved and set reallistic expectations. There are a ton of guys out there and although some are shallow a lot are not. I’ve been partnered now for 12 years but before I had my share of fun times. So if a blind chubby guy like me can find happiness anyone can. Now I’m not saying my partner is agreek god with a steal rod. He’s good enough for me and we have fun which is the main thing. After all, beauty fades and then you have to deal with the rest of him. This is why one should connect deeper then the surface.
SteveDenver
People who are stupid enough to send nudes to strangers deserve what they get.
Robert Burger
I kinda get what he’s saying, it’s all too true when you understand the complexities and egotism that most guys have.
Too often do we see the “shaming” of guys with “no fats, no fems, no blacks, no Asians, no twinks”… It’s just his way of saying “you think you need someone to be physically Adonis, in order to enjoy their convo, and that’s BULLSHIT”….
musclemutt
@Paul Tidd: Would you consider payment by PayPal in lieu of dinner as the cost of handing over your nudie pix ?
Clark35
This is why I don’t go on grindr or send out nude pics of myself that have my face.
cflekken
I don’t get it. How are his actions “taking them down a peg”? If anything, he’s feeding their egos. Asking for noodies or whatever is just reinforcing the fact that you think they’re hot. How exactly did he humiliate them? By no longer responding to them? Please. The gay world is chock full of flakes and guys online are well aware that there are a bunch of pervs out there who just want to nut to a nood pic because they’re basically cowards to do anything in person. The irony, in many of those situations, might be that the other person is fawking with him right back. How does he know that the pics he’s being sent are real?
Silly rabbit. Tricks are for kids and hookers.
Oli1023
This guy is not only ugly on the outside, but on the inside as well. Hot guys are “given so much”? Who even cares if they’re not shallow? I pity this wretch.
Jacob23
All this demonstrates is that Grindr and similar apps are cold, selfish, predatory environments. Goodlooking people judged him based on his appearance and treated him like crap. Of course, that is to be expected on an app where you select sex partners like slabs of meat at a butchers shop. Now he takes revenge by lying to these people and manipulating them. The entire thing is a huge waste of time and emotional energy. And for little to no upside. If things go well on Grindr, if everything works out the way it is supposed to, all you get is a loveless orgasm with a complete stranger. We need to dump the entire cesspool and focus on rich, enduring relationships.
stanhope
Let us see if we can deepen the analysis here a bit. Catfishing doesn’t only occur in the context presented. A friend of mine was what Alan Helms referred to in his book as a UT. A UT, in case you are unfamiliar with the term, is a universal type. Regardless of your stated preference, many if not most find the UT imminently attractive. My friend, not too tall at 5’10”, not overly build but blessed by nature to have a great body, full head of thick hair, naturally tanned skin and an engaging smile. When I first saw him years ago enter a bar and the subsequent reaction to him reminded me of the old song “I wonder why he’s the greatest dancer.” Unlike many like him, he did not have a smarmy attitude nor was he ugly to people who approached him that were not of interest….and we all know the type who’s shyt doesn’t stink.
My friend wound up having a hereditary disorder that ultimately led to both of his legs being amputated each one year apart. Imagine going from a default setting of one of the hottest guys in the room to invisible. Don’t quarrel with me on the term as he uses it and reams of research on the disabled backs it up. Online he was approached by this hot looking, former Marine, with a sparkling personality. Said person corresponded with him and over time…things developed. Imagine my friend’s hurt when he learned it was just a catfisher. In fact that is how I became familiar with the term. To say these things are harmless is wrong.
corey
So that its called when Rentboy dudes use fake pics lol
Gabriel Dor
How is this even a story? I thought it would be about a grindr serial killer the way it was titled. Yes, always use caution on apps!
David Bolton
@Jacob23: I disagree. I don’t have to be in love with someone to have a satisfying sexual encounter. Even if it is with a complete stranger. Sometimes that’s one of great things about being an unattached adult with a healthy sex drive and a little bit of imagination in bed.
Joshua Grubb
Messed up
Jeremy Young
Listen, I get it. I’d never do it as I’m not a sociopath, and have accepted that no one hot would talk to me, but I definitely get what’s driving the guy. So the headline seems hyperbolic to me, and a little plain-guyphobic.
Our Bodies, Our Confidence: For gay men.
Que negative comments from people who just don’t get the point of this guy’s experiment….
NoCagada
@John_SD: OK, fool. Try GOOGLE (if you’re intelligent enough) and look up RANDY KRAFT before you find your next trick in a bar.
tricky ricky
i am an autistic who had no idea what cat fishing was. now that i know i think it just goes to show what depths of depravity that so called normal people will go to just for kicks. there seems to be an endless stream of questionable, oft times reprehensible, behaviors you are willing to engage in just for the hell of it, because you can. — as one who spends his life trying with great difficulty to do what e.m. forster wrote that we should do, only connect, it amazes me how willingly those that can do it easily will go out of their way to do it in a manner which causes pain to another for the entertainment value. — i myself am incapable of pretending to be anyone other than who i am online. i only have one voice. and i wouldn’t have it any other way.
NoCagada
@Clark35: That’s why? Who would want one…a closeted FOX watcher?
Arcamenel
I get the guys point of view as someone who rarely if ever gets messages on said apps but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s wrong and kind of pointless. He’s not “knocking them down a peg” as he only targets them because they are attractive and in his mind he’s absolutely sure they wouldn’t give him the time of day if the really knew what he looks like. It’s going off a lot of assumptions and honestly the only take a way from all this is this guy really needs to love himself more.
All that aside do salacious pictures actually do anything for anyone anymore? I don’t ask for nudes and when I do get some it’s not a big deal. Still pictures of dicks and butts stopped stimulating me once I finished puberty.
Dymension
@TrueWords: Don’t know what the fuss is. I kind of agree with Ryuun12. The fact you call him an asshole tells me more about you. Perhaps you are the type of guy he’s targeting? You like to be an asshole but you can’t take the heat when someone hits back?
Dymension
@Jose C. Arroyo: Dude, you’re whacked!
TrueWords
@Dymension: You are correct…I am an asshole and I am doing my job…which is clearing the shit that you are backing up with your lame rationalizing…
sportyguy1983
Only dumb@sses send out x-rated vids and/or pics that show their faces. Let them be catfished.
DarthKitsune
Not so much spine chilling as just plain sad. I feel bad for this guy. What must it feel like to truly believe that you are too ugly to attract anyone?
Trajan Saldana
It’s GRINDR. Who goes in expecting deep spirituality? I would think the name speaks for itself.
Jay
I don’t get the big deal here. Looking at Grindr, most of the profiles are probably fake anyway. If guys are dumb enough to send dick pics or picks of their asshole, then that’s their problem. It would be one thing if you go around and lead guys on for months, or post those embarrassing pics all over the internet, but if you are just collecting pics and having a fake pic yourself, then at least 50% of the guys on Grindr are guilty.
I do see how some people on Grindr can be total dicks if you try to chat with them, like they are better than everyone else. I don’t condone lying and pretending to be someone else, but I can understand it.
Glücklich
@Our Bodies, Our Confidence: For gay men.:
Experiment? The guy’s a sociopathic loser. Maybe he should shop himself around on a platform that is not the digital embodiment of bespoke on demand. I’ve had really great experience with this one called REAL LIFE.
If he’s having problems interacting with people, he needs to choose different people with whom to interact. As I have learned over years of dealing with difficult clients and employees, managing expectations is an art, not a science. How many 7’s and 8’s has HE rejected in exclusive pursuit of 11’s?
By the way, the word you meant to begin your ludicrous comment with was “Cue.”
Daniel-Reader
So he (or she, because it could just as easily be a straight female) is ugly on the inside, too. Wow, that is the kind of ugly that is eternal.
Anastahsa Beaverhaüsen
All in a Day…
Palto
@Paul Tidd: you old be buying the dinner in many instances.
Palto
@AtticusBennett: I know this may be hard to believe for you but there are guys who are into different shapes and sizes then themselves. Your ‘stick to your own kind’ way of thinking is ludicrous. Not everybody may find you as attractive as you find yourself for example. I for one would want a heftier guy minus your lisp.
Palto
@Nick Jackson: spoken like a true narcissist. You’re not all that.
jason smeds
Well, if you’re stupid enough to use dating apps, don’t be surprised when something unpleasant happens to you.
John
Ummm, could it also be the “catfisher” is being “catfished” himself? He definitely has some low self esteem issues that he perceives himself as ugly.
Glücklich
@Palto:
Uh, you missed Atticus’ point by several miles. “Stick to your own kind” is the antithesis of Atticus’ video and many of his other comments.
Your closing critique of was unnecessary.
Glücklich
@Glücklich: …”Closing critique *of him* was unnecessary.”
AtticusBennett
@Palto: thing is – i don’t have the problems this cat fishing coward has. know why? my type isn’t based on aesthetics. you utterly missed my point, largely intentionally i can see, so could you make a comment about “lisps” – right. sure. like i believe you, or care.
it’s not “stick to your own kind” – at all. it’s “realize that you’re your own worst enemy”
no doubt, this trolling coward catfish goes for a narrow idea of “hot” – which he himself doesn’t fit. meaning – there are great guys HE IS IGNORING, because he’s obsessed with One Type Of Hot Guy – who aren’t into him. it’s not “stick to your own kind” – it’s “don’t blame other people for being just as shallow as you are”
get it?
as for my “lisp” – thanks for that comment. truly. because it shows what a broken boy you are. know who makes those kinds of comments? insecure homos who still worry about disappointing their daddy’s. so, thanks. 🙂
Daniel Lachowski
I have Grindr 🙂
OhHellNo
Dear catfisher,
If your “apology” is any indication of how you talk online, I’m guessing that the reason you don’t get much attention is that you’re even uglier on the inside as you imagine you are outside. Pretty is as pretty does, loser, and it only takes one or two messages back and forth to tell if you’re an asshole.
AtticusBennett
remember those Teen Films where the nerd is in love with the cheerleader and we’re supposed to root for him because the cheerleader would be “shallow” to not pick the nerd? my question was always “why didn’t the guy find a female nerd who likely had more in common with him to fall in love with?”
is the nerd not just as shallow as the jock-characters who are posited as the “bad guys” for only having eyes for the cheerleader?
Matt G
So this guy reveals that he’s not that attractive on the outside and even uglier inside……
I really don’t have a lot of sympathy for people that bemoan the fact that guys a lot more attractive than them don’t give them the time of day while at the same time not giving guys of a relatively equal attractiveness the time of day. To me, it’s the same as people cruising for dick who say they are looking for an age range at least a decade below them… you are playing into that culture of idolization of youth when you do that, and when you do things like catfish hot guys because you think you deserve them you play into the culture of superficiality as well.
I’ve had a few guys go off on me because I gave what I thought was a reasonably respectful rejection and claim it’s because I’m attractive and therefore shallow, superficial, self-obsessed, etc… when the only thing that was attracting them to me int he first place was my looks
people like this have a lot of self-work to do…….
NJjoe
To think he feels has to take good-looking guys down a peg because he feels ugly on the outside? This guy is a psycho. He’s ugly on the inside as well. What a nut job!
Wayne Langley
Seriously? If these observations are newsworthy and notable, then I should write a fricking novel about it! Happens to me 5 or 6 times daily, being approached by fake @-holes pretending to be interested and suddenly the conversation disappears into oblivion. Take it with a grain of salt and consider the source! It’s all a numbers game in the first place… If you’re on sex apps looking for meaningful connections, you may as well be casting your net into your toilet bowl! What you catch depends on where you’re going fishing!
san39730
I kind of get what he is saying. The catfishing part is just mean and vindictive, but the part about how high the level of superficiality within the gay community is sadly on point. The sad thing is you can not even begin to talk about how vain and appearance-oriented a lot of gay men have become, they are not hearing it, especially when it’s true. And I do think that is a topic we as a community need to sit down and have a frank discussion about.
Glücklich
@san39730:
I don’t refute the notion some gay men are driven totally by looks, and the increasing fetishism of “types” portrayed by the gay media seems to only exacerbate it. Like any cultural phenomena, for lack of a better term, reported as news, extreme examples make the best stories. Grindr and sites of its ilk concentrate extreme behavior making for a good headline. Just like screaming homophobia makes for a better headline than those who are merely uncomfortable with gays.
What I’m trying to say is I believe the vast majority of gay men are not driven exclusively by looks any more than any other person with eyes. Take Grinder out of the picture. Unless you’re communicating as pen pals with no knowledge of a person’s appearance, appearance is the first impression.
Hell, I’m driven by looks. It’s what attracted me to my husband, and I can just eat him alive; what keeps me interested goes way beyond his looks.
gregpcb
I love that Dan Tracer didn’t bother provide a link to the confession. It would seem that he deleted a few details, probably misguided attempt to make it “more gay” Here’s the complete confession.
I catfish hot guys on grindr/reddit/kik/tinder and it makes me happy
submitted 9 days ago by Confessionthrwawayyy
[Light]: Casual confessions
All my life I thought I just had a shitty personality because I couldn’t seem to form good relationships with anyone, whether platonic or otherwise. My experience cat fishing has convinced me otherwise. It is so so easy to talk to people when they think you’re someone who is attractive. Conversations flow like a waterfall when I’m pretending to be a hot skinny white girl. Guys open up to me, take revealing pictures of themselves, and express their love for me when they don’t realize I’m an ugly black guy. Turns out my people skills have been good enough all this time, I’m just too damm ugly for anyone to take me seriously. this is at once maddening and liberating. I like taking hot guys down a peg. They’ve been given so much and are so blissfully unaware if it. I love getting them to take pics of theirselves playing with their ass and then revealing I was a guy the whole time. For all the benefits they receive for being born good looking I feel like they deserve to be punished just a little but for it. I think that’s fair. Ultimately I’m not really hurting anyone. Just temporarily embarrassing them. But they can handle it.
http://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/350dgg/i_catfish_hot_guys_on_grindrredditkiktinder_and/
CarlIsle
@Ryuun12: I was waiting for the chills down my spine too and they never came. I thought it would end with some Jeffrey Dahmer-esque scenario judging by the headline and the writer’s outrage.
One guy willingly sends another guy nude photos of himself. Big deal. I’m sure I’ve been fooled by a fake or two in my time on hook up apps. They can do what they want with my dick and ass pics. No one knows they are of me since I always crop out my face and I don’t have any distinctive tattoos or birthmarks.
Stories like these don’t do anything for Queerty’s credibility or image.
Mykey
Nothing is new with catfishing! What do you expect when you’re online 24/7 on any dating app? Do you expect strangers to be honest! Plus I blame those guys who think they’re too hot and have very high superficial expectations, I really don’t have pity for them…