Trixie’s elimination was as shocking to the other contestants as it was to us, apparently. They enter the workroom looking as though they’ve just witnessed a beheading. Maybe Ru got power-hungry and upped the stakes on the whole “lip sync for your life” thing? Has anyone seen Trixie lately? Speaking of the recently deceased, Pearl is a bitter betty about her critique. Back home, everybody loves her! That line ranks right up there with “I’m not here to make friends” in terms of its brazen obviousness. I’d love for one of the contestants so tell the off-screen interviewer, “back home, I’m known as one of the worst drag queens in the city, and yet somehow I still got picked to be on this show!” Kasha, who has lived a thousand lifetimes and accumulated the wisdom of the rocks themselves, thinks that Night of the Living-for-Herself Dead over there should pull up her Pull-Ups and take it like a big girl, and I couldn’t agree more.
But tomorrow is a new day (as the interview segments continually remind us). Ginger whimsically wheelbarrows Katya into the workroom, which is either an active choice to display their intention that joy will outweigh fear, or a sign that they’re not getting enough sleep. Ru throws down a video message that places even further weight on those damn collectible statuettes. There must be a warehouse full of them somewhere with a supplier breathing down her neck. Of course, she’s not just here to hock merch; her main job is to make the contestants jump through hoops like bedazzled monkeys for our collective amusement. Today, that means wrapping themselves in paper to show us what it looks like when celebrities have nightmares about turning into grotesque pinatas.
The creations are overall pretty enjoyable. Ginger sells her addled Lil Kim harder than Ru sells all the random crap she’s been selling us (remember that fragrance last year?), and Violet gets points for using extra material for make-up and boob contour. But one team takes an extra lap on the step-and-repeat: Katya’s ululating Björk gets color commentary from Kasha’s version of Joan Rivers. If the Queen of the Red Carpet is in Hell right now, I guarantee that part of her punishment is watching drag queens do lackluster impersonations of her. Still, it’s enough to pull down a win for the demented duo.
Their prize is to serve as hosts for the Despy Awards, this week’s main challenge. The remaining teams are presenters. Everyone needs to write banter and prepare a speech in case they win something. But anyone who has watched this season (hell, anyone who accidentally left an episode of this season on in the living room while making a snack in the kitchen) could tell you that these queens take to comedy like a fish to calculus.
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Fame and Violet immediately struggle (though Fame’s description of her teammate as “dark-sided” is the funniest thing she’s said in her whole life up to this point), but it’s Max and Pearl who teeter closest to the brink. During their critique with our glorious hostess, Pearl takes umbrage at the suggestion that she comes across as lifeless. At least, I think that’s umbrage; her face and voice remain expressionless throughout, but she gets up and leaves afterward, so either she was mad or she had to shit. And Kasha and Katya are done writing by the time she returns, so either she was really mad or she had to take a massive shit.
Since these girls are collectively as funny as Carrot Top’s opening act, Kathy Griffin has been enlisted to write the jokes for them. I mean: to critique their performances. She tells everyone “no” as vociferously as she can, and then goes backstage to write new jokes for them. I mean: and then leaves. She just goes home and that’s it, and everyone gets magically better at comedy writing by the time the mainstage presentation comes around.
The following day, we get our usual montage of runway prep and backstory. Pearl starts to tell us a sad tale about how she was an angry teen with abandonment issues, but never reaches the end, presumably because she has fallen asleep again. The direct counterpoint to this downer is Fame. Whatever Sleeping Beauty was about to say, it couldn’t possibly compare to this lady’s history of drug-addicted mother figures and murdered grandparents. And she’s still singing to the hens! If her imitation of a clucking chicken doesn’t win you over, then you have a cheap RuPaul figurine where your heart should be.
Also, Fame and Violet seem to be forming a friendship, and it’s nice that their programming allows for that.
The awards get underway and progress pretty much as expected. Ginger and Katya sparkle on the stage, and everyone else sure does try. Fame is named Sexy, Sexy Drag Queen, Jaidynn is Busted, and Violet is Shadiest. The judges are particularly impressed with Max and Pearl, whose joint win has everything to do with their edited-out-so-we-can’t-see-how-bad-it-was opening banter and dead-on impersonation of Ms. Minj, and nothing to do with this week’s drama. Nothing at all.
But for every winner, there are several empty-handed nominees. In this case, the bottom two are Kasha (who the judges think should have excelled in a comedy challenge) and Kandy (who I keep forgetting is still here). That Ho over there starts small, and though she eventually builds in intensity, I don’t think she ever reaches the delicious heights that Mrs. Davis does. But I’m not the one making the decisions here, and Ru continues carrying out her vendetta against camp queens by eliminating Our Lady of Boxed Wine. Because let’s face it: this season really needs to hold onto the precious resource of vaguely pretty, personality-free queens. At this rate, America’s Next Drag Superstar is going to be one of the work room dress forms.
Chris J. Kelly performs under the drag name Ariel Italic; in addition to this recap, he hosts weekly Drag Race viewings at the 9th Avenue Saloon in New York City.
Roland Hamburger
Cam
I just don’t care this year. They’ve gotten rid of almost anybody with a little it of personality.
I get that they are trying to set Pearl up as another Adore “Wow Pearl, remember when you first got here and didn’t show emotion, and then you cried on stage during the (Insert episode number here) and then everything changed?
But these fake story-lines are just BORING! Just give us some fun queens. Oh, and why has winning the mini-challenge become more of a punishment than anything else?
Again, just imagine almost ANY previous queens being on this season. Raven, Manilla, Alaska, Detox, Roxxxy, Ben DeLaCreme, Pandora, Ongina, Even ones that weren’t as high up in their own seasons like Tatiana, Laganja, or Delta Work would EASILY have been the front runner this season.
Desert Boy
Ginger Minj has it all wrapped up. If she doesn’t win, I’ll be surprised.
McShane
Well, as it turns out I really do have a cheap RuPaul figurine where my heart should be.
@Cam: “Your tone seems very pointed right now.” 😉
Cam
@McShane:
This comment just made my day. (But does that mean I’m Phi Phi?!?!)
drunken housewife
Re wanting someone to say, “I’m the worst drag queen in my city”: Sharon Needles did it already! She talked on camera about how back in Pittsburgh, they never wanted her to do anything and she was really looked down upon in the local scene. Of course, now Ms. Needles is a huge star and Pittsburgh declared “Sharon Needles Day”, so she got many of the last laughs to be had.
Dave in Northridge
Getting rid of Trixie and Kasha this early is just Ru thinking “Sharon Needles-Jinxx-Bianca” and deciding she doesn’t want a comedy queen for the fourth year in a row. I agree with you ALMOST 100%, Cam, but don’t be surprised when Ginger Minj gets aufed within the next three weeks for something really specious.
CarlIsle
The only funny thing about this instalment of Drag Race was the ugly big gold bow on RuPaul’s head. I would love to be IT savvy enough to make a little video starting with Ru’s head then switching to Michelle saying “No” as she did about Kandy’s beard shading. Alas, I’m not good with these things.
RuPaul is losing respect with his erratic judging and after seeing him on The View in the lead up to this season, I wonder what is going on in his personal life. Did anyone else see it? He was bouncing off the walls.
spiffy
@Dave in Northridge: Don’t forget there are still Katya and Max. Ginger may be a favorite now; but I don’t believe she’s being edited as a complete sweetheart.
I haven’t watched this episode yet; but how Kandy managed to be safe AGAIN is just completely baffling.
Cam
Is anybody else wondering what the hell Michelle Visage was thinking with the Botox this year?
Her job is to be a bit over the top on a show where she judges drag queens. Now her face is completely frozen, she has no expression and she just looks vaguely irritated all the time.
Mykaels
And the award for most busted season is:
This.
Seriously, the best two challenges, The Library and Snatch Game, are going to so severely suck, because the people with wit and talent are being tossed faster than Steve Grand’s salad.