Coming into the fourth-season finale of Drag Race, I’m already conflicted: After dragging out the coronation for another episode, the producers decided they’d rather manufacture three endings than risk the winner’s identity leaking. They filmed all three girls winning the contest and only aired the true victor. So after sitting through forty minutes of hype and nine minutes of Absolut Vodka commercials, we had to watch a queen pretend like she just won the title of America’s Next Drag Superstar?! And for the losing girls? I’m sure a producer somewhere had to tell them “Look more disappointed—you just lost! Can you cry?”
Not without their mascara running!
As the true finale/reunion show starts all of our girls from this season return to the stage. Our top three are dressed in gold (Sharon is wearing a beer mug costume for some reason—a Party City purchase?), and everyone else is rocking a darker palette. After each queen takes her walk, the disembodied voice of Michelle Visage booms from above, “the star of our show; the original Supermodel of the World; the one, the only RuPaul!”
It’s nice to see that Ru hasn’t let this ridiculous staging and production value go to her head.
Ru proceeds to speak with the first four girls who are eliminated. She asks them about their regrets and—gasp!—everyone basically had the same answer: America didn’t get the chance to see their potential.
But wait, we do get somewhat of a chance when Ru informs that these girls will have the chance to do some reading. They missed the mini-challenge, so this is basically their makeup opportunity. It’s exciting. Madame LaQueer gets out glasses and starts with Jiggly, “Where’s your teeth? I know! Hanging out with your good taste.”
Not bad, Madame. But then all Jiggly had to do was mime like a Pointer Sister and it pretty much clenches checkmate.
And Kenya Michaels (left) is so difficult to understand we need Charo to come on stage and habla the Español with her ¡Cuchi-cuchi!
After all the also-rans and never-weres get their moment, we transition to the Willam segment. Finally! I hadn’t realized Willam wasn’t on stage already (not even during the opening dance numbers) until she was dragged out kicking and screaming by the Pit Crew. Who fights the Pit Crew? Just relish their muscular embrace and all will be okay in the world.
We finally get to find out the answer to the question on every queen’s mind: What did Willam do? Well, apparently when you’re cast on Drag Race, you’re not allowed to tell anyone that you were chosen or have contact with the outside world during taping. So when her husband got suspicious as to why she needed to pack all of this drag for an “overseas non-union horror movie”—the b.s. excuse Willam gave him— he got suspicious and followed Willam to her hotel room, where they made sweet, sweet love.
And that was against the rules.
Whatever, I don’t care anymore. You win, Logo PR Hype Machine. Ever since this incident happened, Willam has willed all of us into submission. But the fact that she said the contestants aren’t even allowed to tell people they were on Drag Race just sounds bizarre—and pretty much filled up my bullshit quota for the show.
We never did find out why Willam blew chunks off the side of the stage, even though folks at the reunion-show taping say it was brought up.
It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to fall down. Get up, look sickening—and make them eat it!
Ru also takes this moment to announce that Latrice will be joining the faculty at Drag U for the spinoff’s third season on logo. More cheering! Hooray!
As we approach the big finale, Jiggly reveals she’s devastated by how Phi Phi sabotaged her during the magazine challenge and Willam coins the term “RuPologize”—which RuPaul instantly steals. Sharon, Chad and Phi Phi introduce the family members that they have in the audience—including Sharon’s “girlfriend with a penis” Alaska.
There are tears all around. So many tears. Phi Phi gets a case of the semi-ugly cries and the makeup starts to run.
They take a break from the interviewing to give the “Miss Congeniality” award to Latrice Royale! She wins airfare and hotel accommodations to anywhere in the U.S. Oh, and a sash that says “Miss Congeniality.” Never forget the sash.
We take a moment to hear from the judges. They are sitting in the audience surrounded by the fans and seat fillers (subtly hinting at the fact that RuPaul runs this show). Michelle Visage says that all of the queens would be fit to represent Ru (yawn!). Santino Rice and Billy Brasfield shout in unison: “Don’t F*ck it up!”
Meh. Give us an answer! Stop dodging questions.
And now, the final moment. America’s Next Drag Superstar is: Sharon Needles!
Hooooooray! Aw. So many tears. So much awkward rigidity from Phi Phi. So many hugs from Chad Michaels. RuPaul places the tiara on Sharon’s head—and it immediately disappears behind her Ouija-board headpiece.
After a trip down the runway, the new queen sends us—and the season—on our way with a great Sharon line: “Happy Halloween, everybody!”
Jason Sweeten assumes that when you “booooo,” you’re just a ghost cheering.
Charlie in Charge
Very happy Sharon won – she had wit and creativity and looks stunning in everything except that damned beer costume. It got REALLY tense and awkward to watch when people were laying into Phi Phi. I didn’t care for her piranha-like attitude on most Untucked episodes but this part of the show was excruciating.
I also don’t buy that people’s family members can’t know you are on Drag Race – obviously Alaska and Chad’s BF knew. The rule against visits make sense.
Eddy
I hope Ru gets a budget that will allow her to have an actual LIVE finale, that way the winner will be a surprise, cause lawd knows a queen can’t keep her mouth shut! Great that Sharon won, she has the potential to transcend drag and cross over, if she wants to. I just hope she doesn’t get sucked into Lady Gaga’s vortex and stays a singular sensation!!
Texndoc
In the UnTucked shows, numerous times someone was asked “What does your family (your parents) think about you doing the show?”. Please. Not “telling anyone” is BS.
Texndoc
And the PhiPhi attack pissed me off as well. Sharon should have won and did, but PhiPhi made the entire series a hell of a lot more interesting and fun. God Jiggly, you could be outwitted and outplayed by a mollusk.
Gary Indiana
Despite all the problems, I have to say that RuPaul sparkled like nothing else. Having a live audience really makes a difference in his energy.
Aedan
Meh. I really loved the laying into Phi Phi part. The only problem? None of it seemed to reach him. He seemed entirely unapologetic about his actions on the show and only showed perfunctory remorse (that felt as real as his cleavage) when prodded about it. I’m sorry- but I’m with Willam here- there is something deeply wrong about Phi Phi and he needs some help.
Other than that the night was amazing, Chad was flawless as always and Sharon was brilliant. Both were winners in my eyes. I just hope Sharon goes on to bigger and better things and also grows from this experience. You ARE a role model now Sharon- please remember this and work with it.
n900mixalot
That was an hilarious read! Well-done Queerty.
Made me smile, AND I dont have to watch the show.
JP
It was retarded for them to mix the reunion and the finale together. The reunions should be more about the girls talking about their experience on the show with eachother. It was too much all jammed into an hour. Willam likely did drugs and there are obviously lawyers involved and they can’t talk about it. There’s a key moment before Willam get’s pulled off the show where Phi Phi says “What Willam is doing will make us all look bad and get us all in trouble”. Screwing his boyfriend would not have gotten all of them in trouble unless it was a gang bang. It’s not adding up Ru, sorry. This nonsense that they have to go into hiding from the world while taping is ridiculous and frankly insulting to the audience.
Stephen
It’s common practice for reality tv contestants to be sequestered for filming. While it’s not really against the rules to tell your parents or spouse (obviously they all knew), you’re supposed to be cut off from contact during filming.
Frederick
Hip, hip, hurray for Sharon! I’m just sorry Chad didn’t get the Miss Congeniality award; I like Latrice, but I truly feel Chad deserved it more than her. Otherwise, it was pleasurable to see Jiggly and Willam tell Phi Phi what they thought of her; I’m with Willam-Phi Phi needs professional help.
Spike
The show sucked, filming the three different endings, clearly with none of them knowing who actually won when it was announced, ruined what would have otherwise made for great reaction shots, esp when PeePee realized she lost. When Sharon took center stage, you can see PeePee leaning into Chad and saying something – probably in reference to the multiple endings. Ru spend the entire run doing everything possible to to get these Queens to rip each other a new snatch and when the times comes for the money shot, it’s nothing but a ruined orgasm. Major fail.
Geno
I <3 Sharon.!
Kevin
Making fun of a child abuse victim in tears is very becoming of you.
Phi Phi might have been a bitch, along with editing to make her into the show’s villain, but for you to make fun of her for crying over her abusive father is ridiculous.
His religious father tried putting him in a pysch ward for being gay. Something that really happens every day in this country. I would cry too if forced to discuss it on national tv.
QJ201
@Kevin: Being abused as a child does not excuse bad behavior as an adult. My stepfather clocking me in the mouth and calling me faggot didn’t turn me into a selfish twat.
We Like To Party
I think it was brilliant of the producers to film three different endings. All the people on-line who swore they knew the winner simply lied.
The attack on Phi Phi was wonderful. Jiggly lit into her. And, Will was classic. I love her. Phi Phi is clearly emotionally disturbed and delusional. I would have been disappointed if she had won. She didn’t deserve to win. She is very mediocre. I hate her “dancing.” I hate her. I say more attacks on Phi Phi.
I have to chime in with the underwhelming minority who think Latrice is a bit overrated. It’s just over-the-top. She’s a nice girl and all,but c’mon. She ain’t all that.
Pearl
I love Rupaul’s drag Race but I hated this tired episode. It was shallow, boring, and unfulfilling. Everyone seemed worn out. No one was really happy, not even Sharon when she won. I’m pleased she did but I’m leaving this season disappointed.
Also, nothing was revealed about why Willam really left. They’ve asked the queens on the show many times how their loved ones feel about them being on Drag Race so obviously the queens can tell people they’re going to be on drag race. That story is BS.
Comixbear
I would have loved to see the REAL reaction Phi Phi had last night when she saw that the real winner was Sharon!
Callie
@Texndoc: You know Jiggly has to look up the word “mollusk” to even know what what it means. LOL.
toferdavid
luved the reunion episode. brilliance with an audience by ru. willam was comedic. latrice, chad and sharon role models.
Cody Hampton
This season is awesome, I cant wait for the next one! Thanks for the update though, you can hardly find the articles about it.
So Yo
@Texndoc: You think Phi Phi made the show more interesting? She very nearly ruined the enjoyment of the show for me and my friends. Just too much negativity!
Dashrop
I wish we could have an unedited reunion/coronation show! I mean come on… They show untucked after each new episode, so obviously we’d stay for another 30 mins… Let us hear all of what Willam said, and maybe more gratuitous Pit Crew views! 😉
Sad to not have Raja present the crown to Sharon. But his plaid full body and face outfit was fun!
ScaryRussianHeather
@#12 Kevin “His religious father tried putting him in a pysch ward for being gay. Something that really happens every day in this country. I would cry too if forced to discuss it on national tv.”
The solution to that is easy. Don’t discuss it then. Phi2 wasn’t forced, she brought it up all on her own way early in the season.
And where did you hear this psych ward story? Phi2 has never said that. She said she was in the hospital after a fight on her 18th birthday and INFERRED to RUPAUL that it was from getting beaten up. I’ve never once met a human who omitted the reason they were in the hospital when getting beaten up. I went to the hospital too one time, when I fell on grass and jammed my thumb. eyeroll.
ScaryRussianHeather
“Sad to not have Raja present the crown to Sharon. But his plaid full body and face outfit was fun!”
She did, at the actual live finale afterparty when Sharon got the check from Absolut.
Jasmine Glick
So glad Sharon won. Chad, lovely classy person but been there seen his drag before. Phi Phi, well, the producers should have a psych test for candidates – he is an immature troubled kid and needs therapy – you could see his anger issues and I had him clocked as an abused kid with his defensiveness. William is an hysterical comedienne but I would like to see his imbd profile ’cause I think he pads his acting resume more then his bra…
Princess Peach
@Dashrop:
Queen Raja was there.
If you look @ shots of the audience Raja is the one in the Leigh Bowrey esque tartan gimp costume