Boys and ladyboys, it’s our tenth episode: In an effort to extend the fabulousness of Season Four for another week (think of the ad revenue!), the show is bringing back a departed queen. And since this is not the first season they’re doing this, it’s only a matter of time before the mysterious holding place for our fallen ladies gets a sponsor.
Sooooo…. any last-minute guesses who is returning? Well, Dida would be too soon. Willam would interfere with them promoting the reunion show (we’ll learn she smuggled a phone or something equally anticlimactic soon enough). Jiggly? The judges would have sent her home sooner if they had gotten the chance. London, Paris, Milan? Eh/meh/nah.
It appears we’re going back to Episode Five (remember February?) to ressurect a little piece of Puerto Rico: Kenya Michaels!
Oh. Hooray?
I don’t really feel much about this. I’ll always remember Kenya as the queen who bombed as Beyoncé at Snatch Game—passing out from too many drugs! And gave the most confused performance of a prison guard in Drag Race’s extensive history.
So I must agree with the impromptu shirts our girls made before her arrival: Top Four and No Mo!
Alas, I’ll just grin and bear it.
Oh, awesome… that’s the perfect pun segue for the mini-challenge: decorating stuffed bears! Because, well, the producers blew their budget on that wet t-shirt contest and bedazzling a stuffed animal is clearly an appropriate test for America’s next drag superstar.
Well, at least the rules are easy to explain. See this pile crafts? See that bear? GO!
The main challenge is revealed: DILF, or Dads I’d Like to Frock, where our queens will transform their assigned partner into a sister queen. We’ve seen this before with older men (Season 2) and jocks (Season 3), but this is the year of the dad. Yup, actual dads. The five gentlemen introduce themselves and assertively state how many children they’ve fathered.
It’s as awkward as it sounds.
Kenya’s prize from the mini-challenge allows her to assign the DILFS. She takes cues from Phi Phi, doing her best to create difficult pairings, mostly just frustrating Sharon Needles by giving her the burliest one: “He’s too manly to be pretty!”
Coincidentally, I suffer from the exact same problem.
For the main challenge, our girls must dress up their DILFs in “baby-bump realness.” Yup, we’re due for a maternity challenge. And to add a random performance element, they also have to execute a burlesque routine—because pregnancy and stripping are like PB & J..
For this episode, there’s always one question that rarely gets answer: Why? Why do these (as described by Latrice) “burly, truck drivin’ men for real for real” sign up? Sharon’s DILF claims he wants to bring out his inner diva—and maybe that’s reason enough—but I’d still like to hear more justification for why someone would volunteer to have Phi Phi O’Hara boss them around for two days.
When we make it to the runway, we meet our guest judges: Ghost Whisperer extraordinaire Jennifer Love Hewitt and Modern Family’s Jesse Tyler Ferguson.
The strip teases are a disaster. I think? Or maybe they are brilliant? Tiny snippets of each routine are edited together to form this burlesque Frankenstein, so we don’t see anyone’s full act. But based on the given 2.3 seconds for each one, I’m pretty sure Phi Phi and Chad do well. The rest seem… well, maybe the editors were doing us a favor.
For the main stage, it’s a baby-bump parade, which is my new favorite kind of parade. Because instead of them throwing beads or candy, they’re throwing “carnival pregnancy realness.” Yup. You think you’ve been served every possible type of realness, and then Chad Michaels serves you carnival… pregnancy… realness.
Chad Michaels, never stop being Chad Michaels. That is all.
Latrice Royale and her partner look so mismatched that it seems intentional. Sharon… gets through it. Phi Phi and her DILF make teen pregnancy look like adorable, neon fun time. But the happiness is almost instantly stomped out when Kenya Michaels and her DILF serve the most unnecessarily sad runway in the history of runways. Is “pre-partum depression realness” in the Drag Race realness lexicon?
Because we just witnessed it.
As much as I’d like to think my angry keystrokes have an impact, they didn’t stop Phi Phi from winning the challenge. Homegirl gets a trip Vegas. Woooo. Chad earns high marks (finishing second), and Sharon narrowly escapes the bottom two.
Sigh. Latrice Royale, you and Kenya Michaels are in the bottom once again. The song is “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman” by Aretha Franklin.
Is there a word for watching something that’s simultaneously beautiful and excruciating? Well, we need one for this lip-synch. Latrice sings to her baby bump, and it represents all that is perfect in the world.
Then there’s Kenya Michaels.
But I’m blaming Santino Rice and Michelle for this. You brought her back! You deemed her worthy of returning—and possibly winning—this show! And now, we have a queen doing the splits while wearing a maternity suit. When she tosses her wig, I can feel the pain on Jennifer Love Hewitt’s face. And it is such intense, pitying pain.
There’s no question about this one. Heck, there’s not even any interview commentary to lighten the mood. Kenya Michaels, sashay away. Again. Faster please. Thank you.
Queerty, what did y’all think of this week? Is Latrice in danger of not making it to the final three? How awkward was the fight between Chad and Sharon’s DILF?
Next week: it’s a canine couture. Sure. Great. Thanks. Just no more maternity ballet.
Jason Sweeten is worried about Latrice (twice in the bottom two!) and wants to know that it will all be okay.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Texndoc
I thought it was an empty calories filler episode. I don’t like when outsiders invade the queens space. Well, maybe next week when they all get dogs (from the previews). I don’t get the judging – from the teddy bears to the strip off to the runway, I didn’t think one was any worse or better than the other.
The show looks like it gets back on track next week. PhiPhi-Chad conflict. Yay.
Kevin
I want to know why everyone jumped on Phi Phi for playing a role (Southern Republican Woman) and making that bad racist joke, yet no one has called Latrice out for saying “How dare she call me the help, Im not black I am polynesian”. What Latrice, only black people can be help? She is the real racist.
Chad…eh..I can only see Cher so many times. Plus once you have had surgery to look like a woman I consider that cheating. If he was a real drag queen he would use make up to achieve his look not a Dr.
Bye bye Latrice next week!
ScaryRussianHeather
I thought the workroom behavior of Sharon’s DILF was inexcusable. It wasn’t meant to be funny, it was famehoaring. That guy has been on Millionaire Matchmaker, too. While Chad wasn’t having any of it, we know it was hard on him. And most likely affected him the entire episode even on the runway. Shame on the other queens especially Sharon for not stepping in, too.
Considering the RPDR bullying focus the last episode, it was pathetic we had to sit through the ~one of a kind horrifying story~ of Phi2 being estranged from her father (eyeroll), while the obvious – hetero nasty realness was completely ignored.
And Michelle Visage, get over it. Chad Michaels is classy perfection and just because he didn’t “take a risk” [to your liking] doesn’t make you right. Who did? Well, the nasty hetero took a risk by failing to realize a 20 year drag veteran is more than capable of cutting a bitch while cutting out her dress pattern with scissors in hand.
I’m over the show RN. I hope the dog episode is more entertaining. Canine humor will be an improvement.
ScaryRussianHeather
The more I think about it, the more disgusted I get. Season 3 Jocks was all about “how did you get along with your sister?”. This season that was irrelevant and was all about the Phi2 redemption arc. #manipulative
Aedan
Why. Is. Phi Phi. Still. There? Seriously. I’m sick of him. I was sick of him since episode three. He is painful to watch and has really been bringing this season down. God. Ugh. Fuck. Kenya came back to torture us with another excuse to keep Phi Phi there? Blech.
Frederick
I thought Pee Pee O’Hara’s tears and sad story about her father’s rejection were so fake and just a ploy to get the judges & the television viewers to feel sorry for her. Well, the only people I felt sorry for were Sharon Needles (for Pee Pee pulling Kenya’s dumbass puppet strings-which backfired on the stupid bitch, since Kenya ultimately got eliminated again- to pair Sharon with the burliest guy out of the five) and Chad for having to put up with Mr.Burly’s stupid confrontation. I wonder if Pee Pee ever thought that maybe her father’s rejection has nothing to do with her being gay, but is based on her being a nasty, conniving bitch…
Charlie in Charge
It was painful, maybe the challenges are too complicated but week after week since the snatch game the theme has been that everyone performs fairly horribly at the task.
Go!
Phecal² needs to GO! I predict she’s gone in next weeks episode.
Aedan
@8 Go!
I agree. He does not deserve to be in the top three. At all.
alejandro
@Go!: Phecal O’Hara LOL.
this episode has been the worst episode ever. Where is the fabulousness? And why did they bring Kenya back? I was hoping this episode to be great, but i’m so disapointed… Even Piggly Caliente is more entertaining to watch..
stevoj
@Kevin: *deep sigh* please shut the the hell up
this episode was all over the place and kinda hard to watch. bringing back Kenya was a flop and you would hope that after the EXACT same thing happened to Carmen (wasn’t the challenge the same too?) Ru would tell Michelle to just be quiet
and how was she “out of her element”… which one of these contestants excels in Baby Bump, DILF Daddy/Mommy realness?! i call shenanigans on this whole challenge
they were paired with actual fathers (cool sounds fun), and they have to make them their moms (oh i get it), but they’re all pregnant (say what now…?), and they have to do a strip tease (*changes channel and ponders life*)
and i honestly couldn’t even be mad at phi phi because i was still trying to process everything else. she did deserve to win though
overall it was a mess. a literal hot dayum mess. and that cringe worthy LSFYL really sealed the deal
you know i never cared for Jennifer Love-Hewitt but i felt that we connected during that catastrophe. i saw the pain in her eyes and it was probably the only “realness” we got during that entire episode
Texndoc
Regarding Sharon’s DILF, or as she said DILK (Dad I’d Like to KILL) she most certainly did slap him down when he got pissy with Chad. What do you mean “Sharon didn’t step in”?
DenverBarbie
I’m pleading with the drag gods next week- please do not let Phi Phi become the (less pretty) Rebecca Glasscock of season 4. I’m not convinced Phi Phi has the lip synching skills to send Latrice home, but that’s who it’ll come right on down to.
This episode was mediocre at best, with Kenya’s return taking it down to awful. I don’t think Kenya is fierce at all, just terrifying. I would have much preferred Willam (ratings gold) or The Princess (perhaps quiet, but aesthetically- the most talented of the season) in her place, if I was even convinced that bringing a queen back was a good idea.
Saving grace this episode was Sharon’s runway look. She is so damn spooky and beautiful!
Nervous about the theme next week, but it will be nice to send Phi Phi home so the show can get back to talent. Or rather, get to talent. Finally.
(I’m posting this again, Queerty, because I was marked for spam.)
Houston Bill
That was, in my opinion, the worst episode in all four seasons. It was unwatchable. If they need to extend the season, might I suggest keeping two contestents in the race as a surprise (…you both stay).
ONTD
Well at least Phi Phi’s father can tell people he rejected her because she’s an insufferable, useless piece of crap.
no one
if phi phi was my son I’d reject him too.
Alexis du Champignon
I thought that Mike, Sharon’s DILF was HOT! Beautiful bod, handsome face, and you know he’d be hot in the sack! Yum!
Is he really straight???
JustMe81
This ep was blah, the best part for me was Ru shading Michelle Visage and Santino getting his life off it. I was so disappointed that Phi Phi is staying another week, but I understand why. She’ll make it to the top three just so Ru has an easy elim. Latrice is EV.ERY.THING for me on this show (except that too-light foundation…seriously girl, Fashion Fair comes in several shades, please pick the one right for you), but I see her sashaying away next week because I see Sharon and Chad racing for the finish line. Le sigh at this season.
Curtis
Totally felt the same way about the bear challenge. I was like, how did you even pick the winner, they all looked the same except or Sharon’s xD
@Alexis du Champignon: rly?…
Curtis
@JustMe81: Don’t fret. its time for a big , black queen. And Ru knows it.
Catatonic
One of the worst episodes. It’s like they ran out of ideas and it seemed almost completely scripted. The “DILF’s” being difficult was so over the top and unrealistic.
And the fact that a broke-down queen like PhiPhi can STILL be there shows how irrelevant the whole competition is. Some reality villans we love to hate – others are just awful and unwatchable. It’s obvious which is PhiPhi.
Deedee
While I haven’t seen the episode yet, this column and the readers responses were so hilarious, this alone is reason enough to watch!
Nunya Bizness
Personally — my biggest joy in this episode came from watching Latrice Royale during her lip synch… DEMOLISHING the competition by simply standing in one place; while Kenya Michaels continued to desperately jeté and arabesque her way into elimination (again).
Spike
If it wasn’t obvious that there is A LOT of off camera direction regarding what topics to ask or how one might cause a little drama before, this episode pretty much confirms it. Not a single conversation between the DILFs and the Girls seemed spontaneous, and PeePee turning on the water works was WAY to convenient, as it pertained to the shows theme involving ‘Dads’.
Bringing back Kenya Micheals was pointless, she was eliminated for a reason . . . should have brought back Willam.
ventolin
it’s interesting how everybody and their mother are on phi phi’s neck and yet she was the best in this wacky challenge, and you ask why didn’t she went home?. I don’t like her very much but people saying she deserved to be left by her father… to much for my stomach. Girl is annoying but you people are sick
Aedan
@ventolin
Phi Phi is more than annoying. He’s manipulative, spiteful, jealous, hateful, angry, strangely unintelligent and massively egotistical. He’s constantly commending himself and saying things went in his favor when they obviously did not. Sure editing can alter how things come across- but he seems only too eager to portray himself as a plain ol’ asshole.
And when it comes to him winning the challenge? First of all I argue Chad’s work was more impressive since his guy was far more manly. Secondly- This kind of challenge is generally a bust anyways. It comes down, ultimately, to who gets stuck with whom. Every single season it is clear that not all guest men are created equal and it tends to be the contestant who gets paired with the most enthusiastic or “fishy” naturally comes out on top. Sure Phi Phi did alright- he manipulated the arrangement so he got placed with what he thought was the best possible “daddy”. And how did he know? Easy: you could tell within the first camera panning which would work more naturally than others (expressions, bone structure, posture). He then gave the hardest ones to the people he hated (the annoying daddy with Sharon- who I think did the best job with what she was given- she knew that he would never be girly so she went the evil villainess route- and I think that worked). The only wild card was Kenya’s because while he was pretty he had a horrendous attitude about the whole thing.
And when it comes to people saying Phi Phi’s father was right to abandon him? It would be sick if they meant it. You are on a gay site- id think you would recognize catty bitchiness when you see it but you obviously don’t. They are saying this ridiculous statement more to emphasize how horrible Phi Phi has been this whole time. If they actually meant it? Sure they are horrible- but I doubt they do.
Alexis du Champignon
@Curtis: Yes, gurl! He made me all hot and bothered, loved his look!