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HAIL XENU

Scientology Is Definitely Not Meddling With Orange Is The New Black

McGillis And CruiseHooray, an opportunity to roll our eyes at how crazy celebrities are! Let’s dig in.

The latest Tom Cruise kerfuffle started a few days ago when gossip blogs decided that actress Laura Prepon is dating Tom Cruise. While Laura would no doubt love for this to be true, it isn’t, she says. Their only link is that they’ve both been convinced to give a ton of money to Scientology.

The gossipers also (falsely, according to Laura) reported that Cruise was displeased with her role on Orange is the New Black, since she plays a lesbian. Scientology leadership has had an unpleasant attitude towards LGBTs, dating back to the 1950s when its inventor L. Ron Hubbard wrote:

The sexual pervert (and by this term Dianetics, to be brief, includes any and all forms of deviation in Dynamic II [i.e. sexuality] such as homosexuality, lesbianism, sexual sadism, etc., and all down the catalog of Ellis and Krafft-Ebing) is actually quite ill physically… he is very far from culpable for his condition, but he is also far from normal and extremely dangerous to society.

These days the organization is a little quieter about homosexuality, though according to former members they call it a “1.1 tone,” which means that it’s somewhere between fear and anger. Good grief.

Anyway, according to Prepon, “The thing that sucks is that there’s so much false data because people are in mystery as to what Scientology is, so they just kind of make up stuff.”

Well, maybe that used to be the case, but these days most of us know that Scientology teaches that an alien named Xenu dropped frozen aliens into a volcano and their souls flew away but got caught by electric fences and then got brainwashed and invaded the brains of cavemen. So, that’s fun!

Other strange beliefs:

An ancient philosopher once brought clay birds to life; there was once a magical being named Christopher who had the head of a dog and body of a man; evil demons can control the minds of pigs; and it’s possible to literally transform bread into parts of a human body, which you should then eat.

Oh, no, whoops, those are all Christian beliefs! Sorry about that. Now there’s a weird religion.

By:           matt baume
On:           Apr 23, 2014
Tagged: , , , ,
  • 11 Comments
    • DarkZephyr
      DarkZephyr

      What is this “Christopher” reference?

      Apr 23, 2014 at 4:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sejjo
      sejjo

      Awwwwwwwww, Tom and Val look so happy together.

      Apr 23, 2014 at 5:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • carey579
      carey579

      Just entertaining the masses – that’s all it is.

      Apr 23, 2014 at 5:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Christopher22
      Christopher22

      Dog-headed man: St Christopher before the conversion to Christianity. I know it sounds weird but check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cynocephaly

      Apr 23, 2014 at 5:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Billy Budd
      Billy Budd

      Tom Cruise is insane and the worst closet case hollywood has ever had. The guy is NUTS.

      Apr 23, 2014 at 6:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Large Marge
      Large Marge

      @Billy Budd: He likes nuts too!

      Apr 23, 2014 at 6:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jar
      jar

      Queerty, don’t fall for scientology’s lies. Homosexuality is the lowest “tone” in scien, along with murderers and rabid criminals. The beauty of scien is that there is no room for interpretation. Everything Hubbard said is non-negotiable, so Prepon is just lying here. But lying is an integral teaching of the cult.

      Apr 23, 2014 at 6:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DistingueTraces
      DistingueTraces

      there was once a magical being named Christopher who had the head of a dog and body of a man … Christian beliefs!

      What?

      Apr 23, 2014 at 9:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jckfmsincty
      jckfmsincty

      For our little Tommy,orange is definitely not the new pink.

      Apr 24, 2014 at 1:53 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Desert Boy
      Desert Boy

      Scientology believes and teaches that 75 million years ago an evil galactic ruler named Xenu solved overpopulation by bringing trillions of people to Earth in DC-8 space ship.

      Got that?

      Nevermind that the DC-8 airliner didn’t start flying until 1958. That’s 1958 A.D.

      Honestly, I don’t give a freaking flip what the Xenus believe. What annoys the hell out of me is they federal tax exemptions for their nutty beliefs.

      Apr 24, 2014 at 10:07 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Billy Budd
      Billy Budd

      In my opinion, ALL religions should pay taxes. They should be heavily taxed. I mean tax rates like tobacco rates. They are a business like any other. A dangerous and unhealthy business.

      Apr 24, 2014 at 11:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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