I am a bisexual woman. I have been in relationships with both men and women. However, admittedly there have been more men in my life, for two very particular reasons. For one thing, there are considerably more men who are into women than there are women who are into women. That’s simply a factor of numbers. There is also the fact, as I’ve witness being stated by many gays and lesbians, that they would not consider a bisexual person as a potential mate, for whatever reason. This has been heartbreaking for me, as well as many other bisexuals I’ve known. There has been more than one occasion that I have been getting to know a wonderful woman, only to have things quickly broken off as soon as my bisexuality was known to her, as if I could not truly be with her because I had the ability to be attracted to men. These instances are far too common.

I do understand that, particularly with women, bisexuality has become something of a trend, a way to attract attention from men. However, it is a bit unjust to write off all bisexuals simply because some claiming the title are frauds. Do you not see how this is exactly the same type of thinking that those against homosexuality in general profess? It is difficult for bisexuals to fit in to either group, gay or straight, due to misconceptions from both sides.

To cast judgement on Vanessa, or ANYONE for that matter, without having anything to go on aside from pure speculation is no better than what these bigots denying rights to ALL of us GLBT folk do. The big issue here is that many people state that they have only ever seen her with men. Have you forgotten how hard it is for some people to come out? Sure, the media is going to be mostly accepting, and her straight male fans will be ecstatic. But what about her friends? Her family? She is still a person despite being famous. I had nothing but accepting friends, but it still took me years to come out because of the prejudices of much of my family. Have we forgotten how hard that can be? I think many people in the GLBT community are not any more tolerant than those we fight for our rights against everyday. I hate seeing this kind of hypocrisy.

I am bisexual. It is a real orientation. I am a female. I belong in the LGBT community, even though sometimes I think I don’t (haven’t come out to a lot of people, haven’t had significant relationships with women, have had more experience with men, haven’t faced much discrimination, etc.) I can’t speak for all bisexuals, but something tells me most of them are like me: sexually attracted to both genders. And guess what? Not all bisexual person will be in the middle of the Kinsey scale. Some are “more homosexual” or “more heterosexual”, but they know that, since they are attracted to both men and women (and possibly those of other gender expressions), they are indeed bisexual. Do I really have to explain that to anyone, in this day and age, on a LGBT website? Crazy.

Do some people call themselves bisexual for disingenuous reasons? Sure. Do some people do it for attention or approval from various patriarchal sources? Sure. But a lot don’t. We “want it both ways”? Since when is that a bad thing? We have a different road to walk than straights or gays/lesbians. Not always harder, not always easier, just different. Apples and oranges. Maybe it is because I AM a bisexual, but why is it so hard to believe that a person could be attracted to men and women? Even if I wasn’t, I think I’d still understand that simple concept.

Vanessa Carlton is not an attention-seeking “media whore” (what a gendered concept!) If you knew anything of her, you’d know that. I enjoy her music, although it’s not my favorite. She seems very genuine. If people looked at my life, they might say the same things: “Her main relationships are with men, so she can’t be bisexual.” You’re not in my head- you don’t know to whom I’m attracted to, what I fantasize about, what I want to do. Many people realize they’re straight or gay long before they ever even kiss someone- like in their early teens. It’s stupid to tell them they’re not what they are, just because they haven’t found the right person with whom to act upon their orientation yet. Only they can know.

And furthermore, I haven’t really had a serious relationship with ANYONE since 2007. A lot of people don’t have big, public, serious relationships. Furthermore, as a bisexual, I don’t have to date other bisexuals. I could only date lesbians and straight men, and still be a “valid” bisexual. (If I discriminated against other bisexuals, it might make me a hypocritical bisexual, but still bisexual.)

Also, it’s not her fault that she receives a certain degree of privilege as a *female* bisexual. That’s society’s fault. Welcome, Vanessa! :)

vanessa carlton is bi. ok?
thanks for the … support vanessa? i don’t know whether to be happy or upset about this. on one hand, i say oh good… sexual liberation for all is on the way and another famous singer just joined our team…. and on the other hand, i just think this is a marketing ploy of hers to appeal to the gay market and/or become more relevant and WHY is it all these female celebrities coming out as bi? Because the world is still so patriarchal. I guess it exposes that fact, but does it do anything to change it? I’m not so sure.

Your argument is not a valid argument. Its appeal to authority. A logical fallacy. Reference their peer review research which proves their claims. Now, that’s proof. Pointing out that they exist doesn’t amount to proof. Again, your problem is logic versus belief.

More importantly, it would be hard for psychologist to discern this issue if its one of biology mixed with social constructions and psychology. Meaning, as I have said, this is complicated. Anyone pretending otherwise, from the bi activist trying to define all who have sex with either gender as bi to the deniers such as yourself- you want a simple answer where none exists.

I believe bisexuality is not an orientation.

It does not make a bigot and I certainly don’t need to keep open minds in check. That’s not my responsibility and it’s certainly not yours. Calling me names because I hold an unpopular belief proves my point about militant liberal all or nothing nonsense. That’s the truly cowardly thing to do.

I disagree, so I’m Pat Robertson’s company. That is quintessential fatuity. Keep your sophistry to yourself.

@D’oh, The Magnificent:
dissenting psychologists have stated they don’t believe bisexuality is an orientation. I don’t need my own emotional belief systems to prove what researchers have concluded.

Keeping moral cowards like you who hide behind “keeping an open mind” in check.

But yeah, you wouldn’t tolerate people questioning or “not believing in” your sexuality, yet you expect a bi person to do the same because “i’m not alone in having those ideas”. A lot of people agree with Pat Robertson, yet it doesn’t make him any less wrong than he….and you yourself are.

Anyway have fun hiding behind the same old excuses and double talk that bigots of any sort use and other “enlightened liberals” trade in. I’ve said all I have to say to you.

This kind of militant cohesive thought, “you’re either with us or against us!” is endemic of the evil republicans instead of enlightened liberals. It’s pathetic. Who gives a fuck? well I do. Because quite frankly, nothing is perfect. readily accepting ideas and thoughts without question is idiotic and unbecoming of intelligent people.

and if you’re such “missanthrope” then what are you doing commenting on an message board?

Yeah, you’re queer and a bigot, who gives a fuck?

I think the reason why American sexual culture has succumbed to the opinion of the voyeur is due to the fact that America’s sexual culture is heavily influenced by porn, which is a heavily voyeuristic paradigm.

Keep in mind that, in a completely permissive society, porn prevails and, therefore, it is male heterosexual fantasy which is ascendant. Under this system, only “hot lesbians” and “hot female bisexuals” get social approval. In contrast, all gay and bi men get treated like lepers and are demonized at every turn.

Even non-hot lesbians and non-hot female bisexuals benefit from this degree of social permissiveness. However, and I stress this again, no gay man or bisexual man benefits from it.

Don’t compare me to religious zealots, I’m gay and proud of it. I’m just in the minority of GLT peoples who feel that bisexuality is NOT an orientation.

I read on another gay news site where the male editor congratulated Carlton. He didn’t question the bisexual double standard, he didn’t ask why only female entertainers were declaring their bisexuality, and not male. He just went ahead and congratulated her.

We deserve much better than self-proclaimed gay advocates and their failure to discern issues.

Gay men pretend to be straight due to oppression by straights.

Women often claim to be bi in order to accommodate oppressive straights, especially straight men.

One is due to oppression and the other reflects accommodation. They are two different things and it is preposterous to even compare one with the other.

We don’t want our precious movement sullied by skanky whores whose commitment to GLBT rights is next to zero. Keep in mind the important fact that these skanks are often hanging off a strictly straight guy’s arm whenever they’re seen out in public. They often refuse to have any sexual relationship whatsoever with bisexual men.

It’s disappointing to see some women on this board making excuses for these sub-moronic skanks. Girls, learn to discern. There are things in this life that are good for our movement and there are things that are bad for it. Learn to discern.

If you don’t wish to discern, then you also have no right to make commentary that is clearly counter-productive to the advancement of our rights.

b) That doesn’t mean this artist is faking it. Maybe it really is who she is. I am not going to judge her not know anything than her announcement.

c) Its true that some claim bisexuality as a way to get attention. BUT, we don’t know that’s the case here and it should not be assumed

d) Male bisexuality is not as accepted in our society. That’s just true. However, this grows out of the same sex part. Not the different sex part. I know that a bisexual male is a whole person. I have friends who are bi. I making point about the part that defines the discrimination in society. Not just how it makes someone feel to hear that someone is bi. BUt the substantive actions that others take to harm someone such denial of job, etc. For that to occur, its the same sex part that’s attacked. I will give an example. a friend that I lost touch with, but last I checked was bi. He married a girl. She seemed nice. Everyone thought he was now “straight” on the straight side of his relationships. On the gay side, since he never hid it- despite claims here- I noticed that no one gave a shit. Most people were cool with it because again he never hid it and we saw him date both men and women so it seemed legit rather than just something he was saying as a transition.

e) I wish people would realize how complicated the subject they are talking about is. There are so many variables. Some of them personal. Some social. Some are really designed to find one’s place. Some are designed to deny what one is. Trying to suss that out is complicated.

That’s all I have to say.

@Truth: I speak the truth and if you search your heart you’ll know that I’m right

I get people knocking on my door telling me stuff like that.

LMAO. Vanessa has a NEW ALBUM OUT and she announced at Nash Pride that “Who’s To Say” is dedicated to LGBT.

Whoops, pronoun fail last phrase:

Who’s To Say:

And you say we’re too young, but maybe you’re too old to remember
And I try to pretend, but I just feel it when we’re together
Who is to say?
And who is to say?
And who are they anyway?

Stand up ******boy*******, I shine so bright when you’re around

Yeah, ok bb. Note to fauxmos and others: Sexual fantasy, experimentation and recreation doesn’t make you bi. It makes you part of the majority. j/s.

Actually he said that all people are bisexual (in the sense of incoporating aspects of both sexes on the level of gender, not just sexuality) and that homosexuality and heterosexuality were developed from that basic desposition.

As for being a “homophobic”, Freud also wrote:

“Homosexuality is assuredly no advantage, but it is nothing to be ashamed of, no vice, no degradation; it cannot be classified as an illness; we consider it to be a variation of the sexual function, produced by a certain arrest of sexual development”

Certainly homopobic, but he wasn’t calling people “deviants” nor was he a raging homopobe. But he was still messed up.

Anyway, if you’re paper folding thing works for you, all the more power to you. But early sexologists thought that homosexuality (and bisexuality) was really a question of gender, which sounds like the gibberish you’re talking about.

???????, ??? ?? ???, ????????? ?????! ?????? ?????? ????? ????????? ? ?? ?????????? ??, ??? ??? ??????…??????? ?? ??????-?????-????? ? ??? ????? ? ?? ???, ??????? ??? ???? ??????????, ? ?????????! ???? ???????? ????? ?????????? ???? ??????? ????????? ?? ?????? ????? ?? ?????????, ????????! ?? ???-????????, ?? ???? ???????????? ????????? ??????! ??????. ????? ????? ??? ?? ? ?? ?????????, ? ?? ?? ?????????! ??? ?????????, ???! ????? ?? ???!!
????, ????????, ?? ?? ??? ? ??? ???? ???? ???? ???????. ??? ?? ??????????? ??? ????? ????? ??????? ? ?? ? ????????? ???????? ??? ????????? ?????! ?.?.

Textual analysis software indicates that Jason now has used between 15 and 21 sock puppets since May 1! Very impressive!

In Antiquity homophobia was not present, because all men were bisexual. I think necessary to reflect!