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Six Great Ways to Turn Little Timmy Gay

timmygay1

Queerty presents a quick and easy guide to turning your potentially heterosexual child gay. While nothing substitutes for a long stay at a straight-reperative therapy camp, it’s our hope that these simple tips will help parents avoid the costly mistake of raising a straight child, with all the accompanying shame and sense of failure that comes along with it. We hope you’ll share with us your own tips of keeping the influence of breeders at bay from our precious, precious children.

By:           Japhy Grant
On:           Apr 1, 2009
Tagged: , ,

  • 17 Comments
    • unclemike
      unclemike

      Also, Mom’s and Dad’s? It’s very tabboo and totally gay to check your spelling and grammar before publishing.

      Totally.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 10:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • nephewjay
      nephewjay

      if you’re going to mock someone’s spelling and grammar, get it all right; it’s taboo.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 10:12 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • thisismikesother
      thisismikesother

      irony and bitchy gays. two of my favorite things ever.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 10:20 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ioni
      ioni

      I love it for what it is!

      Apr 1, 2009 at 10:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RS
      RS

      @nephewjay: And Moms and Dads, plural but not possessive. But I actually assumed it was intentional.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Slider
      Slider

      I agree with what Stuff Queer People Need to Know and LOL louder given the irony of the poster Stuff that Queer People Need to Know was commenting about the ironic humor and quite funny post of Queerty informing Str8 Mommies and Daddies stuff they need to know about turning their children Gay….all very funny and thanks for making my day and I bet Timmy’s too:) Unless of course there is grammatical mistakes and well, then the Grammar (or is it Grammer) Police will send me back to learn how to spell and how to write a sentence. I swear I used to know how until the internet came along and I started reading stuff Queers need to know…..yeah, that’s the reason….

      any way, I digress..but thanks for a great article/post and the comments too~!

      Apr 1, 2009 at 4:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Lance Rockland
      Lance Rockland

      You forgot one: Make your little boy listen to lots and lots of Barbra Streisand records.

      It worked for me! :-)

      Apr 1, 2009 at 6:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Slider
      Slider

      Lance, it worked for me too…..as a little boy and ever since I have simply adored Barbra Streisand..and you forgot to add Judy Garland……both were to me just well let’s say I signed up early for my Gay membership card…..even if I didn’t get a toaster…but then I also had a fondness for GI Joe and of course played with my sisters Barbie and Ken dolls…..I am sure we all could come up with a long list of why we little Timmys all became Gay (I sucked at sports and hated every minute of it..and yes, was always chosen last and pummeled in Dodge Ball)

      Apr 1, 2009 at 6:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Brianna
      Brianna

      “Queerty presents a quick and easy guide to turning your potentially heterosexual child straight.”

      Well then.
      Let’s play spot the error.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 7:12 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • unclemike
      unclemike

      Oh, Nephewjay…I was gently mocking by using the same spelling errors that occurred in the original post–

      –you know what? Never mind. When you have to explain things that much, the funny dies.

      Carry on.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 8:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bigjake75
      bigjake75

      i especially like the ass slapping reference to sports. sports can be so gay!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 1:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Deejay
      Deejay

      Hahahaha.
      Taboo is spelled with a single ‘b.’

      I mean no personal insult, I just find it hysterical that you’re insulting spelling and can’t even spell correctly yourself.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 9:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Deejay
      Deejay

      @Deejay: Woops! Repetition. My bad. =]

      Apr 2, 2009 at 9:57 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • unclemike
      unclemike

      @Deejay: Unless you’re an actress from India, then you get to spell it Tabu.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 8:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • J
      J

      *right-click save*

      Apr 4, 2009 at 7:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • cruiser
      cruiser

      @unclemike: Isn’t that a womans fragrance?! I remember it used to come in a pink bottle!

      Apr 5, 2009 at 5:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Courtney Act
      Courtney Act

      I have often wondered am I gay because I like Barbara Streisand or do I like Barbara Streisand because I am gay? Any insights?

      Apr 11, 2009 at 2:03 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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