In this week’s look at what guys are Whispering behind closed doors, we take a sobering look at a plague still haunting our community — self hatred.
Some of us have been there, wishing so badly to be “normal,” whatever that is.
We hope these guys find the light soon:
bottom250
Sweethearts being gay is the most amazing thing in the world I wouldn’t change being the Queen I am for anything and the sex is amazing.
James Almeida
Chin up guys! It really does get better!
BJ McFrisky
I spent the first 20 years of my life hating the fact I was gay, and the last 20 years being grateful. Why? Simple—we don’t have to deal with all the bullshit that women bring to a relationship.
Jim Philbrick
damn.. what a depressing read to start a Sunday Morning,,,
NicoTwin
Yes completely! And I’ve just made a video about it
https://youtu.be/661o4C62QOM
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
What’s the difference between these whispers and the whispers posted every week? They are just as insulting and offensive.
And, is there some sort of agenda with these?
Jim McHardy
If people have a problem of you being Gay that is their problem not yours. Above all be true to yourself and your feelings as until you can find love in yourself you can not function. Be proud of who you are and your beliefs. People that can’t accept you are really worse off as they are narrow minded and bigots.
Raphael
Queerty should stop posting this negative BS every sunday, or at least post a happier subject.
Bauhaus
Editors:
Stop posting this drivel.
Felix Duarte
I agree, that was depressing. I couldn’t get through it all. I feel for these people. Yes, things are getting better. Not fast enough I fear.
Lvng1Tor
@Baba Booey Fafa Fooey: @Raphael: instead of ignoring posts like these or insisting that they are insulting, these should serve to remind us that young people are still being raised to hate themselves. That as far as we’ve come there is so much more work to do for true equality. If we simply ignore the suffering of others we are helping to perpetuate hate, fear and abuse of other lgbt people. Just because this is not your reality doesn’t make it any less real and important to share.
Steven Burr
What’s so fucking amazing about being gay?? Wouldn’t want to be straight, but being gay sucks.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@Lvng1Tor: I stand by my comments. These whispers are hateful and have an agenda.
BartmanLA
Is everyone else getting sick and tired of these LAME Whisper posts???? They’re pointless and I think aren’t real and are just put up to incite comments that always end up with people getting into a war of words. COMON Queety give us NEWS and stuff we can actually USE. Stop with these really really dumb offensive and demeaning Whisper posts!!!!!
Ann Lasher
Yes!! We are all So Special!!
martinbakman
X-tian fundies must love reading a steaming pile of crap like this.
GusBlogging
It actually took me some time to accept being gay, too. Now I wouldn’t want it the other way around – I honestly think that being gay as some advantages regarding choices of your lifestyle lol.
If those whisper posts are real, I really wish them the strength to accept who and what they are and just start enjoying themselves!!
Gus from http://www.gus-guyblog.com
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
Next Sunday’s Whispers:
Ex-Gays rejoice they are no longer homosexual!
“I’m blessed that I’m free from homosexuality!”
“I’m SO happy I’m straight! I no longer have to deal with that shallow gay “community”!
“I used to be gay but now I have wife, two kids and a mistress on the side! Wooooo!! Jazz hands!”
“I LOVE VAGINE IT IS DIVINE!”
“I hated being gay! But now I’m NORMAL! Suck it f@gs!”
“My chances of getting AIDS has decreased 100%!”
“I’m so happy that I don’t have to deal with those vile homosexuals anymore. Gurl, let me tell you, ugh!”
“This gay guy hit on me and I said, “what are you a f@g? I’m straight!” It felt so good! LOL!”
“I’m proud to say I’m normal.”
“As a new heterosexual, will it be hard to find a girl with a strap-on? Because I’m a bottom.”
“I am all MAN, baby. Not an ounce of f@g in these bones!”
“I buy tools and clothes from Sears now.”
Leonard Woodrow
Wake up guys! If you’re gay you can’t become straight, so get on with life and enjoy it.
Being gay is just the same as being straight, with all the joys and sadness that life holds for everyone. To love and be loved is the greatest!!!
Crying will get you nowhere, and remember, there are many people worse off than you.
Jon Michael
Self hate comes from the bigotry and prejudice of OTHERS based upon illogical religion … bring gay is a gift and gay people are responsible for a vastly disproportionate degree of society’s culture … in large measure, gay folks have provided the art, music, dance, architecture, design, and philosophy of the world … not to mention the greatest military leaders (Alexander the Great, etc), inventor of the computer (Alan Turing) … etc., etc., etc … if you are gay, consider yourself to be among the elite chosen … your gayness is your gift!
rjmaquay
Thank you! For those that think that this post is insulting or drivel, it’s not. Many gays including myself have thought these thoughts. No gay should be made to feel isolated or ashamed because of it.
This post acknowledges reality and helps those with these thought feel like they are not alone or somehow wierd for having them. It helps them move on and accept themselves and see themselves as part of a caring community, tha they are not alone. So thank you Queerty and keep up the good work.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
This site should branch out from gays and also do Jews for the hate yourself Sunday’s.
Queerty: “Come on everyone! Tell these Jews it’s okay to be Jews!”
Jews no longer Jews! Whispers:
“I’m so relieved I’m no longer a Christ-killer.”
“‘I’ve recently had my big Jewy schnoz chiseled down. I look very Christian now.”
“My favorite actor is Mel Gibson.”
“No, I don’t control the media.”
“My most boring class in college is “The History of the Holocaust”, oy vey!”
rjmaquay
@Baba Booey Fafa Fooey: Please calm down and utilize some reading comprehension.
Loubie Lou Marsh
Being able to be yourself. Now THAT is amazing.
Nate Gallagher
I can’t say it’s amazing… I haven’t been on a date in an embarrassingly long time. I don’t know where to meet gay guys except at a gay bar, and I don’t like bars. I see guys I find attractive when I’m out shopping or whatever, but you can’t just go up to some stranger and start flirting, you risk getting punched in the face.
Douglas Schlitz
You are who you are, be the best you can be, be proud of who you are, any one doesn’t like it, that is their problem.
If you need support do not be afraid to ask.
There are lots of good people out there.
No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.
Jarodd Washington
The only thing I can say is to love yourself first and then someone will get to love you back and let them come to you you don’t go looking for them
Joe Wilborn
Can’t they read & listen to the news?? It will be alright!!!
Luke H Thornton
Michiel Naude
Now, now baby… It’ll be OK… Just be yourself..
Cagnazzo82
It’s the same as someone who was born a man but really would prefer to live life as a woman.
It’s understandable that there are some men who are gay against their will and would be otherwise if they had a choice.
Personally I would be married with kids and would have a much fuller life right now if I weren’t gay. It’s life though and you learn to cope.
There’s no use dwelling on things you can’t change.
AtticusBennett
i love being gay. i would not change it for anything. being gay has been the biggest gift in my life.
here’s the deal – you have to change your mindset before you’ll ever start to really enjoy being a gay man. if you still hold onto the idea that “life would be better if you were straight” you’ll never actually enjoy gay life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUOE4QEZWbE
AtticusBennett
btw – to the “i hate being gay, it’s all about being young and beautiful and i’m neither” crowd, and there’s many of them: do you guy for guys like YOU? if not, then the problem isn’t “gay”, the problem is that you’re just as shallow as the gay people you’re blaming for you own crap.
seriously. stop whining. YOU are shallow. if you’re not young or “beautiful” and complain about it, you’re just saying that YOU only have eyes for the “young and beautiful” – why not get together with any of the legion of GUYS LIKE YOU!?
ralrod13
Being gay isn’t amazing and it isn’t ‘special’ any more than being straight is. We are all equals.
Cagnazzo82
@AtticusBennett: That’s because men didn’t evolve that way.
Men evolved to be visually-stimulated creatures. That’s why straight guys tend to go for as pretty women as they’re either physically (looks-wise), or financially (money-wise) capable of attracting.
Not only can unattractive straight guys have hot chicks hanging off their arms… but the field is massive compared to the gay field.
If you’re straight you have half of humanity’s population as a pool to play with.
If you’re gay you have a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a gender.
That being said, if anything, these guys should envy bi guys. They’re the real lucky ones.
AtticusBennett
and since you have a fraction of a fraction of a gender, time to stop being all “no fats fems asians or blacks”, eh? i mean, you’re limited, you wanna limit yourself more?
I have to laugh at gay men who complain about being single and unable to find a guy, then you hear their laundry-list of requirements and i think…”this is why you’re single. you’re picky without being discerning, and you’ve made your potential pool too shallow”
i’ve never had that problem. i’m a gay man, so i like men. and they come in all types.
John Kuehnle
No matter how hard it might seem now, please hang in there, it’s so worth it. Don’r hurt yourself thinking it will solve anything, it doesn’t
Marky
@AtticusBennett: Exactly. These guys need a shrink.
Dennis Patrick Ellis
they will (hopefully) in time will deal with it, and accept that they are a part of God*s greatest design. It all gets better.
Teri Beaudoin
I describe myself…I am verrry queer and I am GAY….queer has many meanings and I choose weird..so be it I am not living in this world to live up to ANYONE’S expectations but my own../
Teri Beaudoin
I realize that I have gone on and on about this BUT I am very passionate about this AND the fact that we are only on this earth for a miila second of time and NO ONE has the right to destroy our time of the gift of life..
onthemark
The only one that made me chuckle was, “I hate being gay. It’s like playing life on hard mode.” Weird analogy but okay, let’s run with it. Isn’t a game a lot more fun when you WIN on hard mode? Anyway it’s more like hard, throbbing mode!
Also, reading between the lines, it seems they’re all (or mostly) hung up on the Finding a Boyfriend stuff. Which most well-adjusted gay men don’t really focus on much until their late 20s or later. These guys want one guy to magically solve all their problems. Life doesn’t work that way, especially when you have that many problems.
What they could be focusing on is finding a few gay male, NON-sexual friends, who are better-adjusted to gay life than they are, and observe how THEY handle gay life. They could learn a lot and get used to the real world.
Juanjo
I guess my reaction is simple – it is no easier for straight people than it is for gay people when it comes to basic life issues like finding someone who loves you like you love them. Every one of us is born into a world in which we will experience sickness, pain – emotional and physical, old age and eventually death. It is how you approach life which causes the suffering. Pain hit us all at some point, in minor fashions and major fashions, just like waves hit the shore line repeatedly. So my advice to anyone is to learn how to surf rather than stand there and get beat up.
The bad things pass so do not hold on to them and linger on them. Some thing you simply cannot change like the fact that in everyone’s life some shit is going to happen. Enjoy the good shit and let go of the bad shit.
Steve George
No one is the same as anybody, no one fits a label. Dont accept labels but if you do, where them with pride!
Faye Denton
To hate being a homosexual doesn’t make any more sense than to hate being heterosexual. You are who you are. We are here to be who we are. God bless us everyone.
Avery Alvarez
@Juanjo: Ain’t that the truth.
Kirk Montrealer
Being gay is AMAZING..It is the self centered superficial gays that ruin if for everyone. Gays are just another form of a high school girls ‘click’ ..Gay is like another form of Scientology …And you can put a baseball cap on a gay dude..and he is still a GAY DUDE..EVEN MORE GAY. As the more a gay dude tries to appear ‘butch’ and ‘straight acting/ looking’ it just makes even more OBVIOUSLY GAY 🙂
John Paramor
It is interesting that these feelings are still around with such strength. I assumed they would have faded as things got easier. Get over it as quickly as possible. We live at an amazing time. In much of the world gay people still have to deal with deadly prejudice. We are so lucky to be in the West at this time. Live, love and be creative.
Will L
“we take a sobering look at a plague still haunting our community — self hatred”
No, what you have here are people who need to seek psychiatric help. It plagues anyone not just ‘our community.’ There are many facets of my life that suck but that’s just life. These folks need to find counselors.
Cagnazzo82
@Will L: And yet if any of these people whispered that they wish they were born as women telling them to seek counseling would be taboo.
Seems like a bit of a double standard.
Tattyfatty
Ok, braced for shitstorm here, but here goes.I recently came out at 50 yrs old, had a very hard time accepting myself why? I was molested as a kid, and it was NOT a good experience. also being overweight and not particularly attractive I never really had an opportunity to explore what I was feeling. I have been confused for a long time about the feelings being caused by the experience I had (which people tried to drum into my head). I finally came to the realization that was not the case and I have come to accept who I am, a couple months ago ( literally that short time ago) if asked if I would want to be straight I would have jumped at the chance. Now? NO I accept who I am, I love who I turned out to be. I really have never had much contact with other gay men so things have been a little difficult. the men that I HAVE met have been very judgmental and shallow initially giving me a bad view on gay men in general. HOWEVER, I also realize that these guys are certainly NOT the bulk of the gay community and even though I am over weight and older I look forward to moving ahead with my life and meeting some great guys.
jeremy dale
Theres’ a gay heaven on earth somewhere so just keep searching, once u find it ull learn to love it and appreciate it. Others will love and appreciate you and those that don’t will no longer matter.
gaym50ish
Maya Angelous said something like, “You have to be taught to hate — you don’t come by it naturally.”
That is also true of self-hate. And I would guess that almost all of these people who hate being gay were raised in religious, mostly evangelical, households — or at least had parents who taught them all the negative crap about homosexuality. Gay kids who are accepted as normal in their families grow up loving life and attracting other people who love life.
The really tragic part of this self-hatred is that these are the gay guys who end up committing suicide because they can’t reconcile their gay feelings with what they have been taught. The parents and pastors who are teaching this self-hatred have blood on their hands.
JC Martin
I have found sex with a man far more arousing than sex with a woman for a long time and I’m just getting used to the fact now, years later…one feels alienated after a while and meeting someone who thinks the same way is a wonderful high…don’t let it slip past you…
onthemark
@Will L: Good point. They don’t blame straight oppression (in fact they’d be happy to join it). They blame the “gay community” for all their problems. And as you point out, even Queerty kind of falls for it.
Note that one of the Whisperers complains that the “gay male community is so shallow” … this from someone who has probably TALKED TO a dozen gay men (if that) in his whole life!
Do colleges no longer have psychotherapists available for troubled undergrads? Most of these guys, as you say, would benefit from even a little professional help, instead of this type of amorphous complaining.
@Tattyfatty: You have the right attitude. Best wishes.
Gartholomew Nichols
There’s nothing amazing about being gay.. You just have sex with dudes that’s literally the only difference :/
Tattyfatty
@onthemark: Thank you!
Cityrat2015
Be glad you and all the gay men you know aren’t already dead from AIDS which is the case for many of us in our 40s/50/60s. Be glad you can marry your partner and have kids. Stop being such a bunch cry baby sissies and be men and be glad you are alive and young and have your lives ahead of you to find happiness and experience the world. Stop wasting time crying and complaining and enjoy life. Do something with your lives already. Geesh.
Brian K Combs
We all have our inner battles, straight and gay.
I learned sometime ago all GAY is
Growing to
Accept
Yourself,
Brian
The gay community has created the very climate which leads to self-loathing. Drugs, promiscuity, dancing to Britney’s songs…what could be more likely to lead to self-loathing than these things? Especially after you’ve had a chance to sober up….
Gary_Gans
@Cagnazzo82: Stop promoting the equation of being gay to represent just one facet of our Community! Shake it up a little, and start looking at guys that are just as sexy with their average build, slim, hairy, stocky, butch, femme, swimmer’s build, slim, female impersonators and just a great person that is comfortable in their own bodies and their own expression. Not everyone are interested in the gays that develop eating disorders and steroid abuse in order to be considered hot. Every person that is LGBTQ matters, and sex appeal is in the mind, not in the gym while juiced up and banging each other orgies. Not every gay man finds that ‘masculine only’ is still just drag out of drag attraction, because whether you are a gym bunny or a twink we can all find surprises in what we find attractive.
This focus group, overwhelmingly promoted on adverts of medications for HIV and AIDS, is not helping those that hate who they are. Placing negative attitudes and low self-esteem slogans on top of mostly hairless, built gym bodies doesn’t help anyone but the jocks for a teenage queer. WE GET IT. It is equating “Gay Pride” with a limited focus and representation of the LGBTQ Community, which is a limited 5-10% of the human population. This will not help anyone but the closeted jocks that beat the shit out of the rest of their schoolmates, just to prove that they ‘weren’t gay.’
The Rainbow Flag became our symbol to celebrate our Diversity, not to bleach it all out and make us all clones that promotes the 10% of the 10%. They were not the ‘types’ that went to the Stonewall, and fought their way into Equality. Promoting self-hatred and claiming that Bisexuals are the luckiest of us all is not as lucky as you perceive it. Sometimes they might find someone that they fall for (male or female), and their love interest in not willing to risk their health or develop insecurities when they are off of the steroid cycle.
The Mattachine Society tried strict gender conformity at Independence Hall, Philadelphia, in 1965, and what did that “conformity” get us? NOTHING. It just proved that if you deny your own expression, and overemphasise something a majority of straight men did not obsess upon, but they will still hate you. It was the drag queens and the queers that had enough and fought back, at their own peril, for all of us to be able to come out, as you are, and celebrate it.
The comfortable jobs of those that look down at the rest of the LGBTQ Community would probably not exist unless you married a beard, and even then your outlets could’ve seen your arse slammed into a jail cell for public indecency. That imagery wasn’t even 10% of the 10% until we started seeing that during the late 1980’s, when so many were dying like flies, including some of those guys that were far less apparently gay. Look at America’s shock that Rock Hudson was gay and died of AIDS!
This “Men’s Health” worship wasn’t promoted as our ideal of an attractive man, until doctors realised that when the cocktail and some steroids for weight gain was helping to lower the fatality rate by keeping enough weight on whenever they would fall ill to PCP, KS, and other AIDS-Spectrum illnesses. What happened was some saw that a little bit of steroids was hiding those rib cages. so if they took a lot more they could look like the covers that now grace magazines like Men’s Health. The downside is a high risk of liver failure.
I am not saying that your attraction is bad. It is your perspective that believes that we all want the same type of man, and we want to look like them, so we can take off our shirts and show off our chemically enhanced features. That is not everyone’s idea of attractive. It is just the PR companies, the fashion industry, and porn that suddenly christened this look as the only acceptable one. And because of that many fear that they are never butch enough or big enough, which develops very bad obsessive behaviours and perceptions. I don’t want that, and it doesn’t interest me as much as their personality and their self-confidence that turns me on.
I became disabled 8 years ago with a neurodegenerative genetic disability that is so rare that we hope for other drugs that are researched for other Movement Disorders will work for us. It’s called Neuroacanthocytosis, and my great-grandfather had this chronic disorder that is eating my neurological system. He lived a very long life, and there are only about 1,000 of us globally that have one of the four subgroups of this disorder. I have the rarest one. Ironically, my great-grandfather lived in a time when people were far more compassionate that most express today.
I hope that many will start changing their attitudes into a far more compassionate one. I am discriminated against for my disabilities. I was engaged. Thankfully we didn’t marry, because he couldn’t handle it. On a positive note I discovered who were my friends, and I have many. I’m a Type-A, Rugby fanatic, loyal, kind and compassionate person that takes a person on their character, intelligence, humour, love, loyalty and personality and not on their chemically enhanced physique. I want to marry one day. The most difficult and painful part of my Life is how discrimination of my non-contagious, genetic disabilities (I would never want to impregnate a surrogate, as there would be a 50% chance that the foetus would receive this). I didn’t adopt this stance since my disabilities began. I do want to fall in love. Until then I will be me.
alphacentauri
These sound completely made up, but all anyone on queerty would have to do to run a story like this would be to make up comments on the website whisper and then make them into a story here.
@Gartholomew Nichols: Exactly, the same can be said about being bisexual. Plus not everyone that’s bisexual or gay and out and proud revolves their entire life around being bisexual o gay, or a huge defining factor of who they are as a person.
alphacentauri
@Brian: I’m not sure if people dance to Britney, as I think they prefer Lady Gaga or someone else? But even still it seems as though nothing has changed through the decades even though we as LGBT people have the right to marry whoever we want, and have all sort of rights now.
BigG
True happiness comes from within.
DarkZephyr
@Baba Booey Fafa Fooey: you’re pretty much a heartless jerk, aren’t you?
Gary_Gans
@Cityrat2015: How true! I’m in my late 40’s, and I have lived in London, NYC, and Miami Beach. Almost every day was a death of someone I knew. So many were close friends because I have travelled to 77 countries, and I am easy to get along with others. You and I have survived a genocide. They do not know how good they have it!
DarkZephyr
I felt like a lot of these guys do when I was younger. Thankfully I got past it and they can to.
Glücklich
@Tattyfatty:
Better late than never. Take a trip. You’ve earned a change of scene.
@Gartholomew Nichols:
Yep.
Brian
This is what I would say to these struggling guys:
****Don’t be ashamed of your natural desires. Being attracted to men is natural for men.
You can be attracted to men for many different reasons. You might admire his achievements, his work ethic, his leadership skills…and, yes, his body. Men admiring other men’s bodies is completely normal and widespread.
How you interact with another man’s body is completely up to you. Don’t let anyone in the gay community or the straight community tell you what is right or wrong.
If you simply want to put your arm around another guy, that’s fine. If you want to hold another man’s hand, that’s fine. If you want to cuddle another guy, that’s fine. You don’t have to go any further. Sexual penetration is not necessary nor necessarily desirable. In fact, sexual penetration can debase a relationship.
Oh, and don’t let anybody – including women – tell you what you should classify yourself as. Women and gay-identifying men are obsessed with classifying others. Tell these classification queens that classification is for butterflies.****
animaux
@Brian: A queer theorist. Post-modernism is for idiots.
NoCagada
@Brian: @Brian: Child…I thought they had all been written by YOU.
Giancarlo85
*sob* *sob* I so wish I was straight and so masculine… because gay isn’t masculine. Let me go drink a gallon of lighter fluid. – This is what I think when I read this nonsense.
@Brian: You are a total idiot. You are not a man at all. You’re not “manly”. Straight men are naturally attracted to the opposite sex, gay men are naturally attracted to the same sex. Bisexual men are attracted to both genders.
“Sexual penetration is not necessary nor necessarily desirable.”
Nice. Coming from the guy who said he doesn’t have any need for condoms, because he only has sex with “healthy” guys.
You’re full of crap. Everything you say is a lie.
And there is no such thing as “identifying” when it comes to sexuality. You know NOTHING about sexual orientation.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@AtticusBennett: Atticus, is that you? I love it! Nice job.
Lloyd Monday
Give yourself a break. Just say “God, Thank you for making me this way. I will be good to all people. I will love the haters. I will have a happy life because I choose to”.
Wes
When it Co es to self-hatred over your homosexuality, it’s hard to know where to begin. No one answer will speak to everyone. To tackle this kind of thing, these are my thoughts as a Gay man.
I wrote and published a small book of affirmations in 2008 titled “A Gathering of Light: Affirmations to Warm the Soul of Gay Families and Communities in Less Certain Times.”
Wes
When it Co es to self-hatred over your homosexuality, it’s hard to know where to begin. No one answer will speak to everyone. To tackle this kind of thing, these are my thoughts as a Gay man.
I wrote and published a small book of affirmations in 2008 titled “A Gathering of Light: Affirmations to Warm the Soul of Gay Families and Communities in Less Certain Times.” I wrote this book about 24 years after coming out to myself at the end of middle school/beginning of high school. In that book, I talk about the beauty and rewards that can come out of the experience of being an LGBT person. Homosexuality can be a harsh teacher. (It was for me and there was a time I thought about suicide every day.)
In my youth, I grew up in Loughman, FL on a family ranch and saw mill. Most of the thinking about homosexuality in that time and place framed being Gay something that was messed up, sinful, dirty, sick, twisted, wrong, shameful and flawed. If something was negative that could be attached to it…well there ya go!!! With a constant diet of negative programming being drilled into my head, there wasn’t much room for anything positive to take root.
It took me years to rewrite the bad software in my head about homosexuality. The people saying those things don’t know me and I have no business giving them that much power over my thoughts and emotions. Ignorance, fear and hatred (from others) had been poisoning me for years…way too long.
What I learned on my own journey is that you don’t choose to have an attraction for people of the same sex. The only choice you have is what to do with it. You can’t choose “what” you are but you can choose “who” you become. Only “you” can determine if being Gay is going to be a good and positive thing in your life. To get you there, surround yourself with people who genuinely care, accept you as you are, and want to teach you how to love yourself. You deserve that (every human being does).
Know that being Gay occurs in nature. The book Biological Exuberance documents in detail the range of animals in the natural world that are homosexual and have same sex couplings. Humans are just a different kind of animal and we are all a part of God’s Creation. Saint Thomas Aquinas once said that “When you make a mistake about Creation you make a mistake about God.” To anyone who argues that homosexuality is unnatural…well, they might want to “rethink” that notion a bit.
Part of my healing came from understanding my homosexuality through the eyes of traditional Native American spirituality. Traditionally, Gay (Two-Spirited) men and women had a respected place and purpose in their tribal communities. They believed that Spirit set them apart as being special, spiritually – gifted people who had the potential to make powerful contributions to the everyday life of their communities. They often called on Two-Spirited members of their community to care for children, become spiritual leaders (or shamans), act as healers, and had many other honored roles. To their way of thinking, same-sex attraction was another way of knowing or “seeing” the world with the heart. Same-sex attractions were comparable to our other physical senses: seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, and smelling the rich beauty of this world. Seeing others with the heart is another way that God gives is to know Creation and appreciate our journey in this life.
In closing, I would ask that you never give anyone the power to define “who” or “what” you are with their ignorance, fear, and hatred. Those things are not the things that will build you up into a better person and will never make our world a better place for anyone. Ignorance, fear, and hatred are not a part of God’s plan or design. If anyone would like to read more about my thoughts on being Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Transgender, I would be happy to email you a copy of my book A Gathering of Light (My contract with the publisher, Red Lead Press has expired so finding copies of this book could be a challenge ge.). You can email me with a request for a free copy at .
Many Blessings,
Wes Tattinger
Wes
Looks like the website doesn’t want me to include my email so let’s try this. I can be emailed at wes tattinger 1970 at earth link . net
I honestly welcome the email and DO NOT want my contact email blocked if I can share information that can help someone struggling with their sexual orientation.
John Briles
Here is what I posted last night after young lady said that she came out to her Mom and her Mom said she hated her, she was a sinner and made her stomach hurt……. the young lady said she felt worthless…………… “You are far from worthless! I love being gay. I came out 15 years ago after 22 years of marriage and four accepting and embracing children. My former wife and I remain best friends and business partners. While there were some rough spots…..IT DOES GET BETTER! I love being out and authentic. You are far from worthless!”
Wes
@Raphael: I know this can be a sad subject for a Sunday BUT it would be a sad subject for any day…BUT not as sad as if you were going through this kind of struggle EVERY day!! Articles like this give readers a chance to make it a better day for the youth in our community. Words can hurt and they can heal. I’m glad someone gave me the opportunity to heal…even if it is a Sunday (or any day for that matter). Building community and helping others doesn’t just happen Monday to Friday, 9-5. It can (and should) happen every day.
dr35
Ya, this was a depressing read. I don’t know what’s worse… That Its a reality today for so many, or that it’s a reality for me personally. These comments may not be 100% real, but the subject sure is. Being Gay isn’t great. It’s not easy. In fact, it’s work. Every single damn day. I for one can’t wait to be over it all. I can’t wait to be older and happy, and done with the “Can I see 5 body pics of you before we meet?” “Can I see a couple d pics?” “What are you into?” Questions that have replaced the basic getting to know you Romance. In fact Romance all together seems like a fantasy today, more so than a reality. This community is the most shallow thing. At least on the male side………. And it seems all we can offer these kids as advice is don’t worry………. “It Gets Better”.
Does it?
Of course, reality is all perception. That’s probably the most important thing you can remember today. Everyone’s reality is what they choose to make it. If you view everything as miserable, that’s what you’ll be. Perhaps that’s the point of this post? Bottom line is everyone struggles with self image, love, growing up, and identity. Being straight doesn’t make it any easier.
topshelf
My god, give me a break. If you don’t want to be gay, go sleep with women. It’s the easiest time in history to be gay. People don’t like you, then go hang around other people. Yes, your’e different than most people. Being black, Chinese, Jewish, fat, skinny, smart, dumb, republican, democrat, healthy, unhealthy, gay, lesbian, bisexual are all different than the norm depending on which social circles you find your self within. This is just one of many differences that you will have to traverse through life. So start getting used to it and figure out how to make it work for you. But good fucking grief precious, stop the whining.
Wes
We each speak from our own experience, personal history and frame of reference. So, that makes us an authority on ourself not the entire LGBT community in my humble opinion. Yes, we can generalize to some extent but each person’s reality of pain is their own reality. (There is that saying “Perception is reality.” We all see the world differently. Although, I do respect every person’s experiences and perceptions.) Each pwrson’s perceptiin of their reality deserves validation, support and a nudge (not a PUSH) in a more healthy direction. For many of us embracing a Gay identity, this often involves grieving the loss of a heterosexual identity (with all of the real or imagined benefits of being Straight). Depending on each person’s individual circumstances, family background, religious identity, and geographic residence the way you get programmed to see yourself as Gay (good or bad) can be a blessing or a curse. I can’t judge someone else’s experience because I have not walked in their shoes. Although, sharing our own journey to what more and more people like to call “It Gets Better” is what I have to give. What someone takes away from that experience is up to them.
What I would say in closing is find your own way to embrace your truth in a way that is healing, empowering and healthy. You won’t just GET THERE overnight. It takes time to get to that beautiful place called It Gets Better…but you can get there and you are not alone…
Hugh Walker
Coming out publicly was the best thing I ever did! While I am still not out to everyone, most people know I’m gay. It was like being let out of prison when I had the key all the time. They really don’t know what they’re missing!!
Alan David Smith
being gay is a componet in your life. don’t treat it as the only part of your life. being gay means you want romance sex and love. with a person of the same sex. it is hard to realize when your young. but the truth is from wanting kids. to religious belief’s. much of that is on you. there are people out thier who won’t accept you weather your straight or gay. white or black. catholic or protestent. you have to keep moving forward. as for the thought of being normal. thats comparitive. look through a cook book sometime. and see how many recipes there are for meat loaf. you are who you are. and being it wont change. accept your self. and be the best you possable
HO Weng Choy
We have only one life here, might as well enjoy every moment of it gay,straight ,bi and when we look back in later life, we can say what a happy ,wonderful time one have. Whether sad,happy,unhappy we got to live,why not choose a happy one.
Adrian Paul Annas
Being gay is fun if you want an irresponsible life of endless travel.
Stefano
@topshelf: Exactly !
DannX68
What is it with those queens in the comment complaining about “negative” stories? YOU are the superficial people some of those guys are talking about.
Negative feelings is a way of life and should not be hidden away like some dirty secret.
I am in no way a self-hating gay, but I do bemoan the fact that a lot of gay guys can’t talk about anything serious, it is all about “did you hook up?”, “what size do you think he is?”, “party tonight!”, “Glee! Lady Gaga! Sex and the City!!!”
DarkZephyr
@Giancarlo85: I a with you on the ones that are concerned about masculinity, but my heart goes out to the ones who hate themselves because of how they are bullied and treated by others. I was there myself when I was a teen. Was almost killed by violent homophobic bullies more than once.
Xzamilio
@AtticusBennett: You better say that shit again!!! Some people don’t fool me one bit… they want to be as superficial and as vain as the culture they feel maligns them for not fitting the “pretty” mold. It took me so long to shake the religious and societal stifling of my upbringing, but I honestly wouldn’t want to be straight if I had the choice to be… because I could not think of being anything other than what I am. Nothing wrong with being a drop dead gorgeous man who wants other gorgeous man, but maybe some of us need to look beyond gay porn and Andrew Christian ads… which is kinda redundant with the kind of stuff they’re putting out lol
Glücklich
It occurs to me….has McShane posted lately? Hope he’s OK and on a long vacation.
Cam
Does somebody on this site own stock in “Whispers”?
That said, these guys shouldn’t waste time not being happy about it, it’s beyond awesome. Just watch an old episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond” and you’ll see all the hassle you’re missing. lol
onthemark
@Glücklich: I was wondering the same thing. He tangled with… um… A Certain Person… and then disappeared…
Odysseus
“…the human mind has a bit of a perverse glitch when it comes to remembering its own past hardships: It regularly makes them appear to be less distressing than they actually were… very likely cause you to underappreciate just how trying that exact challenge can be for someone else (or was, in fact, for you at the time). You overcame it, you think; so should he. The result? You lack compassion.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/18/opinion/sunday/the-funny-thing-about-adversity.html?_r=0
I’m pleased Queerty regularly reminds us of internalized homophobia and calls us towards compassion.
Its still too difficult for many people to come out and love themselves, to love others. They grasp at straws to delay or avoid doing so (superficial community, unattractive, etc) or behave self-destructively or worse.
We’re not making it any easier by alienating them in suggesting this should be easy these days… As a community, we should support those who struggle. We can do better.
Glücklich
@onthemark:
It would be nice if he resurfaced à la lauraspencer whose comments I also enjoy.
onthemark
@Odysseus: “As a community, we should support those who struggle. We can do better.”
Be more specific. How can we “support” them? By sitting around feeling compassionate and saying “oh you poor baby” to these losers? No. They need to get off their butts and engage with gay life AS IT IS.
Yes, I had a hard time growing up gay… in the fucking 1970s. As soon as I got out of high school, it DID get better. I wasn’t disappointed by the non-existent “gay community” because I realized the “gay community” did not exist. There was not really any such thing even in 1982 and there’s no such thing now. Get real.
Xzamilio
@Glücklich: Yeah… I was kinda wondering where he was. Haven’t heard from him in a while.
Phillip Hunt
Life just Sucks most of the time.
alphacentauri
@Cam: Exactly, I would not be surprised if the owners/editors of this site do own stock in ‘whisper’ or use it to create fake stories like this.
Wes
Depending on how much you expect from a community (LGBT, Africa American, Asian, etc.) you certainly can be disappointed. I’ve been disappointed at times. At other times, I have been amazed by the way our community in different places pulls together. Some readers may remember how our community pulled our shut together in the 80s when AIDS was slamming our community. We created programs and support services out of thin air. Communities (like individual people) can let us down but there certainly are times when we know they’ve got our back…sometimes literally. In places where hate crimes are an issue our community has put together community patrol groups that walks the streets (not to just go clubbing) to make sure we are safe.
SteveDenver
GAY isn’t the problem. These guys need to accept themselves.
Chris
@AtticusBennett: Are we “shallow shaming,” Atticus?
Actually, I remember some of these struggles because I had a couple of very bad experiences with older men that convinced me that being gay meant that I would become a pedophile. The only way that I got through it was my belief that “God made me and God doesn’t make junk.” When that belief finally trumped everything else, I more than accepted who I am; it also allows me to accept others as who they are. And to this day, even as an agnostic “fallen-away Catholic,” that belief sustains me.
Paul
@AtticusBennett: Thanks for the video it was great!
Giancarlo85
@alphacentauri: Most of the whisper quotes are as fake as SeeingAll(nothing) and a three dollar bill. I wouldn’t take much stock in them yo begin with.
AtticusBennett
@Paul: thank YOU!
@Baba Booey Fafa Fooey: and thank YOU!
@Chris: i wouldn’t call it “shallow shaming”, but rather “gurl, here’s some reality”; guys who complain that they’re ignored because everyone else is “shallow” are basically saying “and i only have eyes for those shallow guys!”
@Xzamilio: DUDE! PREACH!
i was part of a gay men’s group years ago and one member was always bemoaning how much he hated being gay because he was only into straight white guys. and would NEVER listen to “well, maybe if your tastes weren’t so narrow….”
“why can’t i just find a great guy to fall in love with? no fats fems asians or blacks, go to them gym more than i ever will, and pretend you’re straight in public. kthanks”
gurlll, NO. lol
Hussain-TheCanadian
I think its the world we live in – it still isn’t catered to us, or includes us.
No wonder why so many of our Brothers and sisters are still suffering in the closet.
Doughosier
I’ve never had a problem being gay because I knew there was nothing I
could do about it. Can’t cry over what isn’t. Plus, I’ve always been considered handsome, which does make it easier.
laurent7465
If what you see in most of ‘Straight’ society is ‘Normal’, then I want no part of it. I am SOOOOOO glad I am gay. It makes me unique and not some cookie cutter person of the same person down the street. But, just like straight life, gay life has it’s issues too. You’re choice guys, you going to live for someone’s idea of what your life should be, or are you going to live YOUR life on YOUR terms? I kicked the door open when I was 15 and have never looked back. Accept yourself, that’s the first step to happiness.
Brian
@laurent7465: Accepting oneself is great but the gay scene can become a trap that limits rather than expands one’s horizons.
Giancarlo85
@Brian: Oh come on. You limit your horizons all the time with the backwards and downright inane comments you have made.
GayEGO
Being gay in America is great! All you have to do is accept yourself and move on. My lifetime partner of 53 years, married 11 years in Massachusetts, are both retired and living the American dream. I was 20 years old in 1961 when I decided to live my life as who I am, following the advice – “Know thyself” and “To thine self be true” which means know who you are and be that person.
GayEGO
@Brian: Naw, not so, i have achieved what I desired, a man for a partner and a great job working as a software engineer.
JessPH
If you can’t love yourself then how the hell are you going to love somebody else? Can I get an amen?
Anyway, these people whining about being gay clearly haven’t had gay sex or even tasted a c0ck!
Bauhaus
@Adrian Paul Annas:
Sign me up.
lvcha
This is just sad.
Daggerman
…for starters I agree that the gay community is shallow. So don’t be part of it. I’m gay and do not go to pubs and clubs and follow the piss elegant lifestyles, routines of others….which really means I’m superior in my way of thinking AND what others think of me…and NO I’m not a closet case!! But unfortunately the heterosexual world is extremely set up and entrenched in it’s views. In other words if I ever get any stick from any idiots they will get bashed to a pulp.
Idunno
Im gay, actually HIV positive, and I hate being gay every single day of my life! I was drugged and raped to become positive, but that doesn’t change the fact gay men actually disgust me. I do not feel part of the community, and I don’t want to be a part of it. The community (obviously LGBT) only partially applies to me, and I don’t like being put into a category that I don’t belong. I’m not lesbian, trans, or bi. Yes, I’m gay, but why should I be lumped with the others? I’d rather be just known as “ME”. What people do in their beds is nobody’s business, but theirs. No matter what your sexual identity is. I do not have gay friends., and don’t want any. Rather have straight ones. 100% rejected by all family. So please, someone, tell me how being gay is so freaking wonderful?! At this point I have chosen a life of celibacy. I don’t want to ever have sex with a man again. I’m definately not attracted to women, so celibacy it shall be.