This just in: The Southern Baptist Convention has declared “war” on gay marriage.
What does this mean exactly? Your guess is as good as ours. But the group said that if the Supreme Court legalizes same-sex marriage across the United States later this month, as it is widely expected to do, things are gonna get ugly. Real ugly.
“We are in a spiritual warfare,” Ronnie Floyd, the convention’s president and senior pastor at Cross Church in Arkansas, said during a rousing hate speech at yesterday’s convention in Columbus, OH. “This is not a time for Southern Baptists to stand back!”
He continued: “The Supreme Court is not the final authority, nor is the culture itself! I declare to everyone today as a minister of the Gospel: I. Will. Not! Officiate. Over. Any. Same. Sex. Unions. Or. Same. Sex. Marriage. Ceremonies!”
To which he was met with thunderous applause from the peanut gallery.
The convention, which claims to have around 16 million members, also passed a resolution to “recognize that no governing institution has the authority to negate or usurp God’s definition of marriage.”
The resolution reads, in part: “The Southern Baptist Convention calls on Southern Baptists and all Christians of like-mindedness to stand firm on the Bible’s witness on the private purpose of marriage, which is to unite man and woman as one flesh; and the public purpose of marriage, which is to secure the basis for the flourishing of human civilization.”
But don’t get the wrong idea, folks. Just because the organization has declared war on gay marriage and may potentially refuse to acknowledge the Supreme Court’s ruling, it still loves everyone equally.
“Southern Baptists love our neighbors and extend respect in Christ’s name to all people,” the resolution adds,” including those who may disagree with us about the definition of marriage and the public good.”
That’s why it also voted to kick out one of its member church for supporting same-sex marriage.
Gay Marriage, if you’re reading, you might want to stock up on canned goods and bottled water and hunker down somewhere because the Southern Baptists are coming for you!