“First off, I am happily married with a kid, and I’m completely naive,” begins one overcompensating Reddit user in a post filed in the “Today I Fucked Up” forum.
The anonymous family man’s chosen handle should be enough to tell where this story is headed — “not-gay-throwaway.”
So how exactly did he “fuck up?”
“I have back problems. Once and a while it gets really bad and sometimes the only way to relieve my pain is by using a jacuzzi. I don’t own one. It was really killing me today. So I looked around for a spa with a jacuzzi. I find one.”
How about we take this to the next level?
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Who doesn’t enjoy a nice rejuvenating soak? Innocent enough.
“Go in pay the money. Everything seems cool. Take off my clothes put a towel around my waist, wash and get in the jacuzzi. I’m feeling relaxed, and back is feeling much better. I decide to have a look around. There’s a sauna room. It’s completely dark, but I think, ‘Hey. I hate bright lights when I’m trying to relax.'”
You know who else hates bright lights? People hooking up in public spaces. Like a bathhouse. But OK, if he’s really as naive as he says he is, we’re going to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“So I go into the sauna because I love the heat. Big mistake. It was dark for a reason. Some dude is giving another dude a blowjob while another guy was watching.”
And here’s where things starts to derail. OK, so you’ve found yourself in a gay bathhouse — we can certainly see how that would be a bit alarming. He does (or at least he says he does) what you’d next expect — foregoes a shower and hightails it out of there.
But what should have been the end of the story only to become a punchline after a few drinks is only the beginning.
Riddled with guilt, not-gay-throwaway doesn’t know how to cope with what he’s done. Which, if we’re keeping score by his record, is absolutely nothing.
He writes, “I’m all freaked out now. My family would probably disown me if there was even a rumor that I went into a gay bath house while being married. My face is on all the cameras outside the building. I don’t think I’ll ever tell my wife. But I’m worried one day that a picture will show up somewhere of me going into a gay bath house.”
Seems to us like maybe not-gay is worrying a little too much about this. If it were really as honest a mistake as he reports, what’s all this talk of being disowned? It sounds like this spa wasn’t necessarily a gay bathhouse, but more like a cruising ground, and so what if he mistakingly stumbled into it for a few brief moments? Anything else you’d like to get off your chest, not-gay?
Following the advice he got on Reddit, he eventually did tell his wife, who of course did not disown him. She wasn’t even upset (duh), and actually made a joke of the situation, asking him, “Did anyone have a better looking butt than me?”
So what is this — legitimate worry of giving the wifey the wrong impression? or is he more worried about giving himself the wrong impression?
Giancarlo85
Well he told the truth in the end. Lol. I’m sure the wife is going to be joking about this one for ages… always bringing it up lol.
Next time, be a bit more aware of your surroundings. But then again I don’t know what a bath house looks like. I’m gay and I never been to one.
I guess try… YELP. That always works!
Ladbrook
Most Y’s have some sort of hot tub set-up… as do a lot of gyms. If his back is that much of a chronic issue, then I wonder why he didn’t have a complete mental list of all of his options. We shouldn’t speculate about his motives, but his choice to take such a thing to Reddit seems not just oddly extreme.
It almost sounds as if he wanted some of the readers to say “YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED because no one there would have touched you unless you invited the touch.” You know, it’s almost like he wanted permission to go back and be a voyeur.
Cam
Never been but wouldn’t just the fact that you are paying to go into a place to “Soak in a Jacuzzi” seem weird? And wouldn’t they have some fairly “Gayish” pictures or flyers anywhere?
He might be worried about more than his face appearing on those cameras.
Dakotahgeo
Stupid het sounds like he’s led an awfully sheltered life to have to ask the internet psychologist whiz-kid for advice! Geez, I’ve had more intelligent 20 year-old guys handle a situation better than that!
1898
Some random anonymous paranoid straight dude on reddit gets his own article on Queerty? Why?
musctop
…Calling total bullshit on this. He knew how to find reddit but not google the spa? Sounds more like a case of cummer’s remorse after realizing he may be on some security footage.
Milk
Unless he participate in the orgy what is there to worry? So he accidentally entered into a bathhouse and just don’t go to that one again. Much ado about nothing.
coffeeaugur
He’s over compensating. The same scenario of being homophobic … he liked what he saw (or maybe what he really actually did in the steam room) and now his guilt is making him spill the beans while trying to say it was an accident …. I’m wondering if the was the one watching or getting head?
Xzamilio
Please… this sounds like an alibi post. On the off chance someone blabs and it gets back to someone he knows, he has the Reddit post right there to verify that it was a “harmless mistake.”
TrueWords
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pubd-spHN-0
SpunkyBunks
This dude is fake. All straights know where the gay bars/establishments are, they always complain to me, “There’s the gay bar, uggh!”
I guess the condom and lube packet dispensers didn’t tip him off either. What is he, five years old?
His wife knows what’s up. Hopefully she doesn’t let him stay in the closet for too long before he destroys everything around him, including her ass in denial.
Giancarlo85
Could be fake.
But sometimes people do things without thinking them over.
So i dunno.
Roan
But, did he get Mr. Travolta’s autograph?
jwtraveler
Or it’s a hoax. Funny story, though. It’s nice that his only reaction was embarrassment and concern for his reputation and not some homophobic Christian fundamentalist moralistic rage at the depravity of homosexuals.
SnakeyJ
Sounds fake to me too. Lots of people seem to post unrealistic stories on sites like Reddit. Having been to a bathhouse in my youth i can safely say it’s not he same experience as going to a spa for a massage or soak. Not saying someone can’t make the mistake… but this just reads like nonsense.
stanhope
This story is either made up or a crock. There are plenty of clues going in a baths that it is a gay establishment. That he didn’t know is ridiculous. The more likely thing is that he was curious and then felt guilty. I agree with the earlier post that the condoms, lube and gay newspapers/magazines would have been hints to anybody not completely brain dead. He went because he wanted to…felt guilty and this is cover. My bet is that he will return.
TomOH
“I accidentally bought a male Fleshlight, and I’ve been using it for months until I just found out…should I tell my wife?”
JJinAus
Seems legit, like the time I accidentally went into a strip club and it wasn’t until I had big plastic breasts in my face that I realised I wasn’t in Subway…
jjose712
Well, it seems his wife is way more mature (and funnier) than him.
YouGoGurl
Classic homosexual panic (I don’t believe for a moment this was an accidental ‘spa’ mixup) . . . been there, done that, oh, so many decades ago . . .
DutchGay
Something similar happened to me when on holiday in Prague. Went to the steamroom wondering if the light broke down. Naïve as I was I didn’t know things such as a “darkroom sauna” existed until the guy next to me started jacking off. I immediately took off to the swimming pool. Yes – I knew it was a gay sauna but I didn’t knew a darkroom could be a sauna too. Well, I certainly learned something that day 🙂
NoCagada
WHO KNEW?!? All those married men in “gay bath houses” got there by accident…
bobbyjoe
“On Tuesday night, following a late meeting at party headquarters, I decided to go for a relaxing drive through the King’s Cross area. Whilst there, I saw a young Rastafarian gentleman on the side of the road. As one of my constituents, I felt it my duty to stop and offer him a lift. During the journey, I pulled over into a nearby alleyway so that l could safely reach into the glove compartment and take out a Murray Mint.
“At this point, I fell on top of him and, I regret to say, a part of my body accidentally entered him.
“As far as I’m concerned that is the end of the matter. Thank you.”
— Sir Norman Fry, Little Britain
ggreen
A straight male work colleague once (after a few drinks) asked me to explain the glory hole. About a year later after splitting up with his wife asked me to take him to a place that had a glory hole so he could see it working. I told him about a bookstore that had one and he went there. The guy came back and said he was not able to see anything because the doors to the peep show booths were closed and locked. I told him he would have to go into an open booth and put his penis in the hole if he wanted it sucked. “No” he said “I’m not gay I don’t want my dick sucked by a dude I just want to see it being done”. Eventually I took him to Blow buddies, it was like something out of a Pasolini film watching him watch the gay guys blow each other.
scotshot
Missing from the narrative: “After my third massively intense orgasm I realized I was late for dinner and scurried home – I promised myself to never enter that den of sin again (snicker).
GayEGO
Well he did what he did by mistake and because he wasn’t familiar with the situation, leaving was probably his best choice. It has been years since I have been to a bathhouse but if I just wanted to sooth my back I would stay. If someone wanted to fool around I would just say no thank you. I have never found us gays to be so rude that we would force ourselves on someone who said no.
CCTR
“My face is on all the cameras outside the building…But I’m worried one day that a picture will show up somewhere of me going into a gay bath house.”
Unless he is high profile, or a major crime was committed there, he can rest assure that the likes of Roy Cohn, Joe McCarthy and J Edgar filing those pictures away to use against him in a new Lavender Scare are slim.
The title of the Reddit forum sounds more like a confessional, than an “oops I made a silly mistake” forum and from the bit I read above he never mentions going to that particular spa by accident.
james_in_cambridge
This guy sounds like an uptight jerk, and maybe a bit closeted too. He’s very lucky though, because it sounds like he’s married to an awesome woman.
Captain Obvious
The majority of the stories on Reddit are fake for attention, the majority of Reddit posters are out of touch with reality, and Reddit overall is a pretty lame site… mostly because of all the attention seeking.
arthur_lin
stupid straight buster who thinks he’s so hot that everyone would rape him.
reece99
I know just what he is going through! I had a similar experience.
I was wondering through the bushes of Buena Vista Park in San Francisco, looking for my golf ball. All of a sudden this good looking young man came up to me and without a word undid my belt buckle, slid my pants down around my knees and proceeded to commit oral sex on me without my consent! After he was finished I rushed home and decided not to tell anyone.
OhHellNo
Possible new headline: “Closeted Gay Man Seen By Someone He Knows In Gay Bath House, Begins Covering Tracks.” Hey, Mary, how was a third guy watching in the sauna if it was completely dark? Does SteamWorks hand out infrared glasses now?