A college baseball enthusiast has found himself in a bit of a predicament. His buddy slaps his naked bottom every time they’re in the shower room together, and he’s not quite sure what to make of it. So he wrote into Mark Joseph Stern at Slate’s Ask A Homo advice vlog for help.
“My best friend from childhood just came home from college and we joined the community baseball team,” the man’s letter begins. “Sometimes, in the shower, he smacks me in the butt.”
“I don’t like it,” the man continues, “but he acts like it’s no big deal, and he’s just playing around.”
“Should I be concerned that he may be homosexual?” the man wonders.
How about we take this to the next level?
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See Stern’s advice to the man in the video below…
Eric Erickson
If he doesn’t like it, ask him to stop. If he doesn’t stop, it’s sexual harassment.
If he does like it, buy him a drink.
AxelDC
If someone touches you and you don’t like it, ask them to stop. If they don’t stop, it’s sexual harassment.
Being gay doesn’t give you license to touch other men uninvited.
Alex Galbraith
I’d be so lucky 😛
Glücklich
Lighten up. Slap on the butt. Two fingers up the butt might be a problem.
Billy Budd
I have seen many voleyball coaches slapping their players on the butt. It is normal. A very straight thing to do.
Cagnazzo82
I’ve never understood the whole butt-slapping culture in sports. You see it in football, baseball, basketball… hell you even see it in wrestling where the athletes are basically wearing their uniform and not much else underneath (so it is literally butt slapping).
Taking it into the shower when someone’s naked though might be a bit extreme.
I would not only question the sexuality of someone who does that (presuming they’re not out), and/or their common-sense. Since that does kind of come off like an invasion of personal space.
Joey O'Shay
Hahaha
Bauhaus
@Billy Budd:
I’ve seen plenty of physical connection on the field from both coaches and athletes, but when they get naked and in the showers, all of that bluster and playfulness disappears, unless it is one-on-one situation.
Cagnazzo82
@Bauhaus: Hm, I don’t know. If they’re a team of close friends then a lot of antics and bluster might still take place in the lockerroom/shower. Nothing sexual though. More playfulness.
Butt-slapping for no reason would still be considered an invasion of personal space though.
jwtraveler
@Eric Erickson: @AxelDC: I agree. The friend’s sexuality is irrelevant. No one has the right to touch you anywhere without your consent.
RomanHans
Who cares? Email again when he starts biting your nipple.
Rosalynn D'Angela
looks like he got beat on a little before they became prison buddies.
Bauhaus
@Cagnazzo82:
In my experience, there was a lot of ribbing, banter, and getting pumped for the game. No physical contact in the locker room and showers were strictly business. Just my experience, though. Maybe things have changed.
Milton Appleby
Really…
andy_d
If he continues to do it after you have told him it makes you uncomfortable, it does not necessarily mean he is gay. It DOES mean, however, that he is an insensitive asshole.
Masc Pride
A ass-slap is just a ass-slap. When you were a kid and your mom or dad playfully smacked your bottom, did any sexual tension run through your mind? Nope. It’s too bad we sexualize everything as adults. Especially as men, I think it prevents us from experiencing the same closeness and fellowship women effortlessly enjoy with each other.
GG
If getting my naked arse slapped in the shower is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
Stache99
Nothing at all wrong with that. Locker room antics is all. There was guys in our locker room that used to grab your dick between their forefingers and with their other hand rub the head really hard. Now that was pushing it.
mada
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaivgGELQbE
paul dorian lord fredine
stop whining and ask him. unless of course you’re worried about not getting the answer you want. maybe you want him to be gay. then the next time he slaps your ass you can reach around and grab his…um….soap-on-a-rope
NateOcean
Don’t we have to see their pictures to determine if they are hot twinks just having fun, or sexually harrassing trolls?
Stache99
@NateOcean: We also need to stop using the word “twink”. Makes you sound like a pervert.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Locker room “fears and concerns” always bring me back to High School. My best friend Jeremy and I were members of the wrestling team. A bitter Ex outed Jeremy to the entire school and in solidarity I too came out. Most of the guys on the wrestling team couldn’t care less ( it didn’t hurt that both Jeremy and I were county champs) however three “members” of the team began to cry like little girls that there were 2 Gay guys on the team and demanded a team meeting to express their “outrage and concerns”…………..
The Coach opened the meeting and asked the loudest of the three to explain his “concerns” to the rest of the team. He opened with that classic “we are very uncomfortable showering with them because they will be looking at us naked” To which Jeremy replied to the loudest most sustained outburst of laughter from the rest of the team “You guys got nothing to worry about, we only check out the hot guys!
Meeting pretty much ended then and the three quit the team, we went on to an undefeated season……………………
Stache99
@PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS: Not saying it’s right but I can see some of the hetero guys getting a little uncomfortable since wrestling is a very intimate sport.
Clark35
That’s creepy that his so called “friend” does that.
Kieran
I don’t think there’s a problem unless he drops the soap and asks you to pick it up.
Cagnazzo82
@Stache99: If ‘hetero’ guys view wrestling as an intimate sport, then it’s understandable why they might feel uncomfortable.
Wrestling is actually more often than not a pretty brutal sport.
Then again that dichotomy between ‘brutal’ and ‘intimate’ is probably what attracts so many gay guys to admire the sport.
That, and the whole not wearing underwear under singlets…
…and maybe the ass-slapping. Lol.
Ok, anyway, I think I’ll stop.
Stache99
@Cagnazzo82: My brother used to wrestle. They spent allot of time naked together before the meets to get weighed in. Tight muscular bodies in a little spandex was very hot to watch.
NoCagada
@Glücklich: Only if it ends with just the two fingers
NoCagada
“Sometimes, in the shower, he smacks me in the butt.”
Hmmm…”In” not “on”? Is it “smacking” as in “hitting” or “smacking” as in “kissing”?
Might be a entire different meaning if it was “smacking IN the butt”.
Glücklich
@NoCagada:
I like to tease….
Giancarlo85
For a second I thought I was on the national enquirer website. Who the fuck cares about this?
@Masc Pride: As expected every response you post is seething with how manly you are and how you slap a man’s butt because it is manly. You really are a clown.
paul dorian lord fredine
and yet, inexplicably finding yourself on a site called ‘queerty’, you, who asks ‘who the fuck cares about this?’ feels the need to post a comment. hmmmm. strange indeed.
Giancarlo85
@paul dorian lord fredine: You know what’s strange? Your existence on here. I think Queerty should return to more respectable journalism… like on the political progress on ENDA.
I don’t have time for idiots like you.
Gunther Hofmeister
And your problem is ?
martinbakman
Men’s natural instinct towards male bonding is a normal outcome of fit heterosexual males showering in one another’s presence and really has little to do with homo desires
–(hey! he’s not on here tonight, just filling in)–
A sound slap on a man’s taught glute is just part real man’s desire for camaraderie with his fellow hetero counterpart. If his knuckle accidently grazes across your nether zone, just enjoy it, shortstop.
jwtraveler
@Masc Pride: That has to be the most idiotic analogy I’ve ever read.
I don’t notice a lot of women slapping each other’s asses. Do you?
Chris
If anyone hits or otherwise touches me in a way I don’t like, I tell him to stop. If it continues, then we have a problem and I say so.
As for whether or not the friend is gay; THAT is a question to ask him directly.
Sluggo2007
If you people think a slap on the butt is offensive, you should watch some European soccer matches. You’ll be shocked.
Robb Forehand
FOUR!
paul dorian lord fredine
@Giancarlo85: as the self-appointed arbiter of what standards queerty should adhere to, possibly they should seek your blessing before they post anything in the future. other than that, if you don’t feel you have the time for something that bends to the slightly lighter side, prattle elsewhere and stop being so judgmental. remember, in the words of ms. lauper, sometimes ‘girls just want to have fun’.
GayEGO
@Stache99: Those jocks! They try anything to get you to satisfy their willies! :>)
Giancarlo85
@paul dorian lord fredine: Again the moron responds… and not with much sense. What am I being judgmental about? I’m sick of this gay site publishing articles about so called “straight men” who have gay sex. It’s like cheap porn. Learn how to use your brain and learn how to read.
paul dorian lord fredine
asks what he’s being so judgmental about and says the article is ‘like cheap porn’. plus, this whole back and forth started because you felt there was such an inferior quality to the postings on this site (i.e. should be more concerned about ENDA than ‘light-hearted drivel’…my words not yours). and that’s not being judgmental??
Sheldon Siegel
I’ve slapped guys on the butt when we’re in the shower too. It usually means they are gay since I’m usually fucking them when I slap them. ð???
Will Glitzern
These straight guys are the worst type–hands all over you, but they’re “not gay.”
Wil Chaney
A slap on the butt with his hand+not gay. A slap on the butt with his penis (flaccid)= bi sexual. A slap on the butt with his rock hard erection= gay. LMGAO
Steven Badeau
isn’t that a sports thing?
Jesse Duran
I thought straight guys did that?
Kal Andrews
Easy fix…shower in the privacy of your own home.