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Isn’t it illogical to have sex with people with the same sex and not be considered at least bisexual? I mean you can’t possibly be straight if you engage in sexual activity with some of the same sex and enjoy it! This whole “straight”ephenom is confusing and play kinda stupid. I understand people fantasize about sleeping with supposedly straight men but if they willingly have sex with someone of the same sex they obviously aren’t straight! It is not logical.
Hey Curty, it’s not where we put our dick that determines our sexuality. A majority of men have had some form of same gender sexual experience, be it mutual masturbation or all the way anal and enjoyed it. What’s not to enjoy about sex. Part of it is simply sexual exploration to see what fits best where. Many of those then return back to the opposite gender world. Rightfully so we don’t identify them as gay. Now I agree with you that more than likely many of those that cross over into our world are closeted and using us for their exploration, be they married or otherwise and apparently there is a fair number of us gays willing to entertain those of that mind set. I have been with such a fellow, he is married, wanted to explore his other side, if you will, before getting much older. We got together had fun and he went back having learned of our world and seemed to be more into his hetero world.
I’ve had sex with more than 10 “straight” guys. Most of them were married. The fact is, they are actually bisexual but are afraid of admitting. I had very good sex with some of them and very bad sex with others. One of them wanted to be the top and I let him do it, but he was so excited by finally being able to have anal sex (his wife didn’t let him do it) that he had a VERY premature ejaculation. I was furious.
We develop our sexuality at a very young age, and for most gay young boys, we have little experience of the existence of other gay people. Naturally, our fantasies are going to revolve around the unattainable straight men we’re surrounded with.
I would imagine the “don’t tell anyone” no-strings-attached jerk off fantasy with a straight guy is relatively common among most, if not all, gay men.
This is a difficult fantasy to shake, even as we mature, come out of the closet, and surround ourselves with many real, out, available (not to mention incredibly attractive) gay men.
Hell, many of us have even eroticized homophobia to some degree or another. Consider how those anti-gay Russian attack videos closely resemble so much gay pornography.
Craigslist personals are about fantasy fulfillment, role playing and instant gratification. I would imagine that quite a few of these so-called “NGIs” are gay and bisexual men simply playing out a fantasy.
There are even probably a fair share of truly straight guys whose “gf is out of town” profiles are legit — and for them, a mouth is a mouth is a mouth. And they subscribe to the view that eatin’ ain’t cheatin’ — particularly if it’s with a dude and they don’t swing that way.
The risk of HIV transmission during oral sex is infinitesimal, perhaps even non-existent, so it’s depressing that Dr. Schrimshaw seems ignorant of this fact. The toxins you’d ingest from sucking on latex (yuck) are probably more dangerous than NOT sucking on latex!
As for the gay guys looking for “straight” on M4M, my first reaction was that it sounded like an immature & self-hating fetish. But I guess there might be other motives, like trying to avoid certain tiresome, stereotypical gay male behaviors – sarcasm, bitchiness, smoking, etc.
@Nickadoo: That all makes sense.
LOL, as an actual scientist I always get a laugh at what people in the humanities get away with publishing. The idea that mentioning condom use in an ad means anything regarding safe sex is laughable. That is something people bring up later.
And I also have to laugh at the gay men who think “straight” men are more dominant. In my experience, all the “discreet” guys who have “girlfriends” ever want to do is bottom. And no wonder.
This just fits into the fact that gay and gay-identified men continue being the most highly stigmatized of all the sexual orientations. Bisexual and non-labeled guys who seek sex with men are the going rage…oh, along with the ever-popular, unattainable “straight” guy.
Lol if you think those guys on craigslist are truly straight. It’s just self-loathing gay/bi men. I have a friend who is a big ole bottom, yet he escorts an advertises himself as straight/gayforpay. Why? According to him if you’re “straight” you can charge more for doing less. And a large portion of his clients identified as straight and MARRIED. In those cases, he’s gone on to discover his clients were lying about being married. He says he barely ever gets out and open gay men as clients which I think it’s a good thing. They’re just so self-loathing they want to believe the fantasy even if it’s beyond obvious it’s fake.
@Nickadoo: Thanks for a well-considered and intelligent comment.
In Chicago, I would say that close to 25% of the m4m Craig’s List ads refer in some way to wanting/being a straight man. I am confident that most of this is simply role play.
I have also had sex with several “straight” guys over the years and, to a man, they were all pretty bad in bed.
If all you wanna do is suck them off, well fine, but any reciprocation they may be up for is very unskilled.
BTW Dr. Schrimshaw, who has oral sex with a condom? Have never experienced it even once in over 40 years and I am still neg at age 60.
I don’t know…this study sounds like a huge waste of time.
It’s all about the word “gay” and what that means to people. Interesting study!
@mgmchicago: “If all you wanna do is suck them off, well fine, but any reciprocation they may be up for is very unskilled.”
Fact is there are a lot–and I do mean a LOT–of gay guys who seek out straight guys specifically for this purpose. Reciprocation isn’t necessary, and in many cases it’s even discouraged. For both of them it’s a win-win situation: The gay guy gets to suck off a hot straight guy and fulfill that fantasy, and the straight guy get the satisfaction of getting a really good blow job and having his dick appreciated and worshiped in a way that he will likely never get from a woman.
But if you’re wanting a full sexual and emotional relationship with another man, you need a gay man who’s relationship-oriented and comfortable in his own skin and in his own identity. You’re never gonna get that from a straight guy who just “lets you blow him.” Been there, done that…the story always ends the same.
MMDD is right. Some of the straight guys I had sex with refused even to give me a hand job. I prefer to date real gay guys. It is more fun, a more complete experience.
Hooking up with straight dudes is great if your into bad sex with people who will only meet and communicate with you in secret like you are some kind of pariah. No thanks!
Here we go again, gays worshiping the “str8″ man. I have seen those ads, and I wish I could reply to each one of them telling them how ignorant they are, but I’d be wasting my time.
@Sebizzar: Yet for many years this whole “gays must worship straights” thing has been strongly encouraged by the gay porn industry, where practically none of the performers are actually gay in real life. Straight men are idolized and put up on a pedestal, while gay men are degraded and considered much less desirable. It’s totally fucked up and, at its very core, seriously homophobic.
@MMDD: You’re absolutely right. However, there would be a core audience that would be immediately turned off if their “straight” star gave any affection back or acted like he was enjoying it.
@Stache99: I don’t doubt that you’re right…and that is even MORE fucked up!
@MMDD: Exactly. It’s a problem that is still a long ways of being fixed.
@seaguy: Absolutely…and “don’t call me bra…I’ll call you” . I remember a straight guy who asked me if I wanted to blow him, saying “I let guys do things to me but I don’t do anything’ When I said I no thanks, I prefer reciprocal sex, his next question was “Then do you want to fuck me”? “That works for me”, I said. And all so-called straight/bi guys want to do is bottom. Most of the time.
I personally find the term “straight acting” to be repugnant when used by gay men. And what the heck does that even mean? And I don’t care what YOU call yourself, but if you don’t have a clue about how to kiss and give a good blow job, I don’t have time for you. Is that clear, bro?
I think its all about how and where people are raised that determine how open they want to be with their sexual actions. I am “straight acting,” most of my friends still ask me if i’m sure that I am gay, joking, of course. With that said I am not attracted to people who burst out of the closet and tend to almost conform to the “typical” gay scene. I do not like straight men, I do like other gay men that are like me, guys that are not ashamed and that do not repress their feelings. If you like dick, you like dick. I understand that some “straight” men just want to explore because we are all just human beings and who fucking cares about orientation. I think that those ads are posted by gay dudes, who do fantasize about straight men, but I think that the so-called straight men responding are in fact bisexual, or gay, they just don’t want the attached stigma to go along with it (due to some fucked up shit they grew up with) I think that in the future we all really need to focus on a way to get these NGI guys to be as open as possible about liking guys, in turn it will cause a lot more younger people that identify being gay as flamboyant and having a high pitched voice to be able to just be them selves. Sorry for ranting, but this shit has been affecting my life for quite some time now, I think they should study me, I’ll be glad to be a test subject, cheers.
I totally understand this issue…I am a straight man I do not identify with being gay or bi….I don’t find men attractive or appealing…BUT I want to act out sexual fantasies with men…I would enjoy giving head or even allowing a man inside me…but have no desire to get head or perform anal on another man…I feel I don’t fit the category of gay or bi..its hard to explain but im telling the truth and im not ashamed of wanting to perform those sexual acts…email me if you want to discuss more I am very interested in this topic…elmd51077@gmail elmd51077 at gmail
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