We've got two very enterprising icons on our hands.

Pol' Atteu and boyfriend Patrik Samson - who describe themselves as Anna Nicole Smith's "best friends" - have penned a tome entitled Anna Nicole Smith: Portrait of An Icon.

The National Enquirer got a piece of the deplorable action and report this week that the duo joined the Larry Birkhead "outing" bandwagon:

The two accompanied Anna Nicole to a camp for HIV-positive and AIDS-infected children in Nebraska… Birkhead was there to do a photo story - and was carrying on a hush-hush affair with a male counselor, charges Simpson. "His secret male rendezvous there included spending quite a big of time with a particular young and handsome male counselor…

So we've not only got a book capitalizing on a dead woman's cult of personality, but a built-in and timely scandal! Well done, gents!

Anna Nicole Smith's former "husband" and hanger-on Howard K. Stern spoke out against those nasty gay rumors.

Former MSNBC journo Rita Cosby's new book, Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death, alleges Stern and Smith's baby daddy, Larry Birkhead had a queer affair. Stern says that's bullshit:

It's ridiculous. I mean it's absolutely absurd.
…
Dannielynn is gonna read this garbage and it's almost like she's gonna have to get counseling from the age of 3.

We're surprised the little lady ain't in therapy already!

Appearing on Larry King Live last night – guest hosted by TMZ.com's Harvey Levin, nice corporate tie-in! – Larry Birkhead shot back at Rita Cosby's allegations that he once shared a bed with Howard K. Stern. Says Birkhead: "It's fiction and hopefully it's sitting next to Harry Potter in the fiction aisle."

Gossip hounds may be loving MSNBC-journo Rita Cosby's allegations that Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead blew one another, but NBC's Today ain't having it.

TMZ has learned the "Today" show has pulled the plug on the Rita Cosby interview about her book in which she claims Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead had a "relationship."

The cancellation comes after "Today" received a bristling, threatening letter from attorney Lin Wood, Howard's lawyer. Wood, who represented John and Patsy Ramsey, made it clear he would sue the "Today" show for any falsehoods that spewed out of Rita's mouth. Birkhead has also vowed to sue Cosby and others who he claims are in on a plot to "smear" him.

Alright, Stern, even if Cosby's story ain't true, be happy your "good" name's still getting ink…

• We saw a line of people waiting for the iPhone. They were all playing with their soon-to-be old phones. We think they're insane, as is the rest of the country.

• Talk about a tabloid wet dream: Francesca Hilton, daugher of Zsa Zsa Gabor and Paris Hilton's late grandfather, Conrad, called Zsa Zsa's current (ninth) husband, Prince Frederic von Anhalt, a faggot. von Anhalt's claim to fame, besides being married to Gabor, would be his claim that he fathered Anna Nicole Smith's baby. The icing - it went down outside a court house. And TMZ got it on video. Tune in for a special peek into Paris' future. (Cue splooge.)

• Mitt Romney's a cat person:

Romney placed his family dog, an Irish setter named Seamus, into a kennel leashed to the top of his station wagon for a 12-hour family trip from Boston to Ontario in 1983. Despite being shielded by a wind screen the former Massachusetts governor erected, Seamus expressed his discomfort with a diarrhea attack.

Romney claims the dog loved riding on the roof in a swirl of liquified shit: "He scrambled up there every time we went on trips." Scrambled? More like slid.

• London Pride ain't afraid of no car bombs. The parade marches on tomorrow. With a mock Eurovision to protest anti-gay nations.

CONTINUED »

Twenty days after her untimely death, it seems we finally have some answers on what actually killed Anna Nicole Smith - and it wasn't all the drugs Howard K. Stern fed her, although they apparently didn't help. The new issue of the super tabbie, The National Enquirer reports:

…Preliminary findings reveal that tests performed during the autopsy show Anna Nicole had a severe case of pneumonia. Prescription drugs that she had taken made the condition worse and did play a role in her death. The full toxicology report has not yet been completed.

Sources very close to the death investigation told The Enquirer that the prescription drugs masked the seriousness of her pneumonia.

Hmmm, while we're glad to hear that no foul play was involved, we're a little disappointed Anna Nicole had to go down like that. All that phlegm and shit - not very glamorous. But, now that the mystery's allegedly solved, maybe poor Smith can finally be put in the ground and get some peace. As for the rest of us, no doubt we'll still have to deal with the deluge of dramatic interviews and ink-seeking urchins. Maybe we should try to get some pneumonia ourselves…

In other Anna Nicole ink-seeker news, Bobby Trendy's reared his lacquered head yet again, popping up this time on Court TV. Like so many of his publicity-ready peers, Trendy has some harsh words for Howard K. Stern:

He just isolated everyone around Anna Nicole Smith that seemed to have a mind of their own, including myself. He tried to keep me away from those television cameras and her, but it didn't work out, because I was on that entire show. He didn't want [people] around who would become friendly or close with Anna, but he certainly couldn't get rid of me.

When the legal hawk-eyes of Court TV recall Trendy's Anna Nicole Show-transmitted, pillow-fueled falling out with Smith, Trendy again point the finger at Stern. If Stern were as evil as Trendy says, they ask, how did he get so close to Smith? Trendy's reply? "He just weaseled on in."

With all these rats in poor Smith's life, perhaps she died of the plague.

We've included the complete video after the jump, but we've gotta give a shout out to virtual matter for sending it our way. Although, seeing Trendy's inhuman mug first thing this morning may have done irreparable damage. v.m. may be hearing from our lawyer. As for you guys, we sure hope you didn't just eat lunch…

CONTINUED »

Anna Nicole Smith may have liked her men, but let's not forget she got down with the ladies. And one lady, Sandi Powledge, says that she and the late bomb shell had an affair to remember.

It all started way back in the 20th century - in 1991, to be exact - when fate brought them together at a Texas gay bar. From that moment on, Powledge says, the women became inseparable: going on dates, dyking it up and falling in love: the thing Powledge (and others) say Smith wanted most, "She was just hungry for love, hungry for approval — just like a bucket with a hole in the bottom." Funny, we think she's been described that way before, only in a different context.

CONTINUED »

We're sorry to even give interior decorator and long-time faggot Bobby Trendy more press than he deserves (which is none), but we can't resist passing along his classy words with regard to his former employer/meal ticket Anna Nicole Smith's untimely passing:

Thank Anna for making me famous. When you think of Anna, think of red, white and pink hearts. She was love as she taught love. She was the breadwinner and supported four people by baring her breasts and genitals for men and women. She was an entertainer who will be missed.

Um, right. We're not sure "famous" is the right word. Although, we're not sure there's a single word that can successfully summarize your particular brand of homo horror.

So, we're just going to go with an old favorite, "putz" and move on with our lives. We suggest you do the same.

Our friend David from Pretty on the Outside sent us his Valentine's Day rendition of Anna Nicole's "husband", Howard K. Stern. While we don't know if he had any direct involvement in her untimely departure, we're pretty sure his bottomless pit of prescription pills didn't help her, either.

Here's what he had to say about Anna Nicole's will:

Because Dannielynn wasn't here, everything went to Daniel. But, now Daniel's gone and Dannielynn is an only child, everything goes to Dannielynn. I am named executor in that will, and I was also appointed or named as Daniel's guardian in that will.

This man gives new meaning to the word "shady". He also gives new meaning to "sleazy", "scummy" and "despicable".

• Moscow's mayor may have banned gay pride, but the Russian government supports the queer right to assemble.

• Gay rights activists may have cheered Italy's potential civil partnership law, but Pope Benedict XVI ain't feeling so cheery. (Surprise, surprise.)

• Potential GOP Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee may not want to comment on Mary Cheney's pregnancy, but he does say he doesn't support gay marriage.

• Scissor Sisters may be uber-talented, but it doesn't really translate on their second Passions appearance. (Or the first.)

• Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead may think they're Dannielynn Marshall Stern's papas, but Zsa Zsa Gabor's hubby, Prince Frederick von Anhalt says he's the real deal.

• The Red Cross may ban men who have sex with men from donating blood, but Cleveland officials think they're wrong.

As we continue to reel from Anna Nicole Smith's shocking death, we thought we'd head over to Rosie O'Donnell's blog to see what she has to say about the matter. Why Rosie? Because on yesterday's The View, she fumed, "If I have to see Anna Nicole on the television one more time," before trailing off, according to Page Six. So, we figured there'd be some sort of mention. And we were right:

CLAIM: SMITH CHOKED ON HER OWN VOMIT…
CBS: Investigators found illegal narcotics, prescription meds in room…
Mother Blames Drugs…
Lawyer vows no DNA sample…
Battle Over $1.6 Billion Fortune Brewing…
Autopsy to Be Performed…
She Died Like Marilyn…
Timeline…
Final Footage Sells for Over $500,000…
*VIDEO…
Rosie Rants On Anna Nicole — Hours Before Her Death…

LOOSE CHANGE

How clever! Rosie used news bytes to eulogize the woman you just blasted for being in the news.

A lot of you guys got a little angry with us for yesterday's Anna Nicole themed Happy Endings. Rest assured, we didn't mean to offend - it was actually in honor of her and we like to think she'd appreciate it. But, to make up for that, we dedicate this video of Nick Drake's "When The Day is Done" to her.

Like Ms. Smith, Drake died too early, the victim of an apparent overdose at the tender age of 26. While he may not have left as big of a mark as Smith, Drake's oft-referenced as one of music's greatest talents, an honor he earned from his three gorgeous albums: Five Leaves Left, Pink Moon and Bryter Layter. This track comes from the first, which dropped way back in 1969, two years after Anna Nicole's birth.

• Kids these days! More and more kids are coming out during their teenage years. We wonder if Anna Nicole's freshly orphaned daughter will be a little baby dyke…

• John Edwards grew a back bone and will not be firing the "pro-gay" bloggers. Of course, his actions won't bring back our Anna Nicole…

• AIDS activist Victor Mooney plans on rowing across the Atlantic to raise awareness of the devastating disease. Anna Nicole would certainly approve.

• So that's what Clint Eastwood has to say about Anna Nicole Smith (notice he doesn't know her name).

• If Anna Nicole were a man (and alive), she'd definitely want to read JC Report's Menswear Issue.

• Evangelical Reverend Bradley Schmeling has been defrocked after revealing he has a gay lover. Anna Nicole would not approve (of the defrocking, not the faggotry).

• Hamas and Fatah have come to a mutual understanding - Anna Nicole just got her wings…