Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the moron who gives Republicans everywhere a bad name, had a minor meltdown during the show's first segment today.

She was so beyond help that not even Barbara Walters came to her rescue. The topic, of course, was the idiocy of Sarah Palin, which turned into another session of Elisabeth spouting off nonsensical remarks to defend her beloved McCain/Palin ticket.

After Barbara correctly likened Palin's preparation for the debate to a high school student cramming for an exam, Elisabeth became extremely angry, which is when this happened (inciting a round of boos from the audience):

BW: We love you on the program. You are the counterpoint. But every single day you never ever say, 'Maybe there's another point.' So here's your chance. … Tell us now why you think that Sarah Palin would make a very good president.

EH: Well, since I've been studying for this pop quiz forever, I — tell me why Barack Obama is qualified. I mean, give me three tangible things he has done.

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Barbara Walters and her vagina have been quite a hot topic since the legendary journalist revealed a past affair with married Senator Edward Brooke.

In honor of Walters' revelation, The Soup produced this wildly hilarious/horrific commercial for One Decade in Barbara: The Barbara Waters Sex Tape.

You may want to wait until after breakfast…

As The World Turns' gay storyline paid off in spades at last night's GLAAD Media Awards. Alright, maybe not "in spades," but the did get the outstanding daily drama award. Not that it's a surprise, of course: the soap garnered scads of gay press for casting Van Hansis and Jake Silbermann as teenage lovers.

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Barbara Walters sure knows how to hold a grudge. The View matriarch rebanned Kathy Griffin for sending her up in a recent comedy special.

Says Griffin: "I get a call from [producer] Bill Geddie, and he says, 'You were too mean to Barbara [Walters] on your last special, so you can't come on.' Can you believe it?" No, we can't. That's possibly the most unbelievable thing we've heard since that whole WMD thing.

• Bid2Beat AIDS' eBay auction keeps on trucking. Our favorite item of the day? This "rare," autographed The Gossip album. We're not sure what Beth Ditto means by "No Lust Is Good Enuff," but we're pretty sure that's not how you spell enough. Anyway, the current bid's $11.99. We expect it to be at least $12.35 next time we check. If it's not, well, AIDS wins.

• Michelangelo's final sketch?

• Gay activist Bob Kohler no longer living. R.I.P.

• Amy Winehouse doesn't only have a raging coke addiction, she's got six Grammy nominations, too!

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Sherri Shepherd sported a new 'do, but spouted the same old garbage on today's The View. Ms. Shepherd garnered headlines and ridicule after insisting Jesus predated history.

The never-informed hostess has now informs the world how she'll do everything in her power to stop her boy from wearing a dress.

So, what about a transgender child? "Not in my house!" Barbara Walters is not impressed. Christian comedienne Shepherd also says that while she would love her hypothetical gay son, "There would be certain behavior that would not be going on in my home." The holidays could get very tense…

Rosie O'Donnell took another shot at former colleague Barbara Walters Wednesday night:

…Rosie O'Donnell mounted the stage at Roseanne Barr 's invitation during her late-night set at Comix on W. 14th.

Rosie started off by saying, "When I was fired by Barbara Walters" - the first time she didn't stick to "The View's" spin that her departure from the show was by mutual agreement.
…
Rosie also confided that she and the veteran newswoman were actually so close early on in her tenure as moderator that Walters recommended Rosie use Astroglide.

Excuse us while we burn out our eyes and cut off our testicles, which we'll never use again.

O'Donnell wasn't totally insulting. The lesbian comedienne admits that Walters set the stage for female journalist, "…She paved the way for women. She interviewed Presidents…" Barr piped up: "Like Abraham Lincoln."

Bitchery at its finest, ladies and germs.

Critics are skewering Rosie O'Donnell's new book. Journo Jocelyn McClurg describes Celebrity Detox thus,

This is a train wreck of a book — part self-help psychobabble, part searing memoir — by a grown woman who lost her mother as a child. It's baffling and fascinating and brutally honest, although some stories defy logic.

Much like Ms. O'Donnell herself.

In addition to discussing her bowel movements and breaking her own bones, O'Donnell also "pleas" with former The View colleague Barbara Walters,

…you did not defend me. And I have been a good, loyal daughter to you. And I want you to be a good mother to me. Don't let the bad man hurt me.

We don't even know how to respond to that.

Things got inappropriately - and nauseatingly - steamy on today's episode of The View. Not only did Barbara Walters tell Faith Hill she wants to "do" hubby Tim McGraw, but Whoopi Goldberg seems to have solicited Speaker Nancy Pelosi for a menage:

Even before Pelosi walked on stage to take her seat at the round table, the show's moderator, Whoopi Goldberg, and its co-hosts - with former news anchor Barbara Walters leading the pack - started flirting with the speaker's husband, Paul…
…
[Later] Barbara turned to Guest Pelosi and said she has heard Whoopi say before that she'd "do Paul Newman."

"And I think she'd like to do your husband as well," Walters deadpanned…

Yes, Whoopi implicitly acknowledged, she'd like to do Mr. Pelosi - but she might take his wife while she's at it. "I would do her as well. But we should wait on that because you're still in office, I don't want to cause a problem."

Mrs. Pelosi just smiled politely.

It's good to know that The View hasn't lost all its snark in former co-host Rosie O'Donnell's departure.

Joy Behar and Barbara Walters spent a little minute today discussing whether or not Hugh Jackman's wife, Deborra-Lee Furness and her pedestrian good looks intimate his homosexuality.

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