Everyone, listen up!

This is a warning: if you see a lactating Demi Moore coming your way, you must either run or prepare to get wet.

Christopher Ciccone, brother of Madonna and lover of the media teet, claims the acclaimed actress once shot her breast milk at him and his lesbian friends at a party.

His lawyers, however, wouldn't let him include that unverifiable (bullshit?) tale in his recent tell-all:

There are certain stories that don't end the way that they end in the book. It’s not really family stuff. It’s more like - well there’s a bit in the book about Demi Moore and I dancing on the bar.

She’'s dancing up on me and humping me from behind. The one part that’s not in the book is that she was lactating at the time and she was squirting breast milk at my lesbian friends.

"My friend Michelle called me the next morning and asked me, “How do I get breast milk out of my black dress?” and I said “How the fuck would I know? Call Demi.'

"It was hysterical. There are no pictures of it, but it actually happened. The lawyers didn't think it was wise for me to print that — so there'’s your juicy tidbit.

Hmmm, it's a bit more creamy, than juicy, but it sure quenches our thirst!

Whoa! We knew Christopher Ciccone and sister Madonna were once close, but Ciccone, who recently released a tell-all book about the singer, takes to the blogosphere to dispense some information that's definitely too much: when Madge used to have problems with her voice, she would call a man named Johnny and such his "snake," says Ciccone. Then, when she was done, her brother would have a go.

Here's a - cough, cough - taste:

After our eyes glue to Johnny’s huge snake, Madonna and I look at each other in amazement. I immediately rush over to it as my mouth waters.

“Sorry,” Madonna says and pushes me away. She then gulps Johnny’s snake like it’s some type of watermelon. Johnny sits down on a chair and I feel a little bit left out until he informs me to take off my clothes. I feel uncomfortable getting naked in front of my sister, but Madonna is so preoccupied that she barely notices.

“Come here!” Johnny says and I walk towards him. Johnny then proceeds to suck my snake like it’s a watermelon and both of us are moaning in harmony. At least it’s more harmonious than Madonna’s singing throughout the day. Suddenly, Johnny’s moans become louder until I can hear Madonna make gulping noises. Johnny doesn’t swallow, but for some reason, it doesn’t bother me. Right after Johnny leaves, Madonna proceeds to sing and she sounds wonderful.

Wait, wait - don't you bite into watermelon, not suck?!

Still following Madge brother Chris Ciccone's lengthy press tour? Well, we are, so suffer with us, will you?

After hitting up Good Morning America and Chelsea Lately to promote a tell-all about his singer sister, Ciccone now sits down - or, rather, has sat down - with the barely-there Page Six Magazine.

If you're like us, you want to go straight to the end, so here it is, as told by a press release:

[Ciccone] knows the book won’t bring them closer together, and she’ll probably be furious. Christopher, however, is optimistic. “Look, I don’t think the book is going to make us closer at this point,” he says. “But when she reads it and finds out what I was going through and who I am as a person… well, I just don’t think anything bad can come of that.”

"When she reads it?" Oh, you dear, dear boy…

Read the press release after the jump, if you dare…

CONTINUED »

Chelsea Lately invited Madonna’s “short and paunchy” brother, Chris Ciccone, onto her show last night and immediately started the interview by asking, “Why did you throw your sister under a bus?”

CONTINUED »

Chris Ciccone wrapped up his two-part interview today on Good Morning America with a smile on his face and a new batch of insults for his sister Madonna.

For someone who claims to love his sibling, he sure has an interesting way of showing it. And as for hope that the two will reconcile, Chris says that depends on whether Guy Ritchie cleans up his act.

Because this rift between Chris and Madonna has nothing to do with this stupid tell-all book that he admits is all about the money.

CONTINUED »

Okay, we know you're going to find this hard to believe, but Madonna adores all the attention surrounding her alleged affair with Alex Rodriguez. That's what her so-called friend are saying. What's more, the pop star's looking to up the ante a bit:

Madonna is "loving" the attention she's getting from the Alex Rodriguez scandal, friends said - and as of Sunday, she was planning on ramping up the rumors by cheering on her close friend during today's All-Star game at Yankee Stadium.

"She, [manager] Guy Oseary and some friends have tickets and are planning on going," said a spy. "She doesn't care about the press it will get - she loves it. It just gets her more publicity for her upcoming Sticky and Sweet tour."

Sounds like quite the grand plan.

Meanwhile, old Madge couldn't be more angry at her brother, Christopher Ciccone, who's currently hyping a tell-all book about his sister.

Ciccone appeared yesterday on Good Morning America, but, as our friends at Jossip reported, Madonna's publicity team's threatening other shows: feature Ciccone and you miss out on the material mom. That's a no brainer.

[Image]

Christopher Ciccone's press tour has officially begun! Best known as the brother of pop star Madonna, Ciccone's using his inside view to skewer his big sister in a new book, Life With My Sister Madonna.

Riding high on the scandal over Madge's allegedly crumbling marriage, Ciccone appeared on Good Morning America today to hype the book - and tear down his sister.

Among the charming sounds bites are some less-than-flattering words on how to get close to Madonna - sleep with her. And, yes, Ciccone again insists that Guy Ritchie's not down with the gays. In fact, Ciccone claims Ritchie's the reason he and his sister are no longer chums.

Watch it, after the jump…

CONTINUED »

This here's the cover art for Christopher Ciccone's tell-all, Life With My Sister Madonna. And, not surprisingly, the picture looks like a hatchet job. Guess the material girl didn't provide any candids, huh?

[Via Towleroad]