Our hopes for some hot conservative girl-on-girl action were dashed earlier this month when Fox News’ Lauren Green declared she had no interest in playing with Condi Rice. She is, in fact, “very straight.” Condi and Lauren; oh, what could have been.…

But gay rumors surrounding the slaves of Rupert Murdoch’s yellow journalism machine haven’t let up just yet. The Washington Blade’s Kevin Naff essentially outs Fox News' longtime anchor Shepard Smith:

Smith once chatted me up in a New York City gay piano bar, bought me drinks, and invited me back to his place. When I declined, he asked me to dinner the next night, another invitation I politely refused.

We sat at the bar chatting and drinking martinis until 3 a.m., our conversation interrupted only when he paused to belt out the lyrics to whatever showtune was being performed.

Martinis and show tunes? Shocking. We had Shep pegged as the cosmos and Kylie type.

But the evidence continues to mount. A quick look at his Fox News bio exposes his loud and proud coverage of Princess Diana’s funeral and the murder of Gianni Versace. Heck, even we would have been blogging about those momentous events in gay history had we not been awkward teens at the time.

Shep recently pulled an Anderson Cooper by pleading for help for Katrina’s victims live on TV. Wait, a Downy-fresh soft side just like the dreamy blue-eyed Coop? Hmmm. Shep and Coop together? Could two compassionate, middle-aged anchors from competing networks work? We could have a love connection after all, folks. Can someone please work on this pronto?

Fox News anchor Lauren Green is being pissy over her co-worker’s recent push for a love connection between her and the seemingly always available Condi Rice. Green wants to clear up a little thing about her sexuality: She ain’t a big old dyke after all and is ticked no one went straight to her to ask if she loved bush; The pussy variety. Green spoils our fun:

They didn’t try. There’s no message on my phone, no message at Fox, no message to my agent, no note in my e-mail. Anybody can figure out my e-mail. These people could have found Arafat in Turkey when he was alive, and they can’t find me here.

She broadcasts her heterosexual single-and-looking status by making a plea for “Christian men, single and over 35.” Um, honey, poke your conservative little head out of your office. That’s all Fox News hires.

No word on poor Condi’s reaction to the news that she won’t be playing “dual piano” with a hot conservative anchor anytime soon. Too bad. We hear Condi’s fingers can work magic.

•A Christian school in California has expelled a 14-year old girl upon learning her parents are gay. I guess we glossed over the part in the Bible where Jesus said “thou shalt not educate the offspring of lesbians.”

•We’re bummed that we didn’t get to see Sandra Bernhard rip on both Barbara “Mrs. Doubtfire” Bush and Condi “Ferragamo” Rice in person.

•Ex-gay camp Love in Action employees are allowed to continue their brainwashing for one more week. But not to worry. Once the place shuts its doors for good, they'll easily find jobs working for the Vatican.

•For the last time: Kenny Chesney IS NOT GAY!. Right…

•“Amnesty International: Cops abuse gays, need to add liaison officers.” But will they be Dangerous Liaisons?

•Stuff you need to schedule your life around this weekend: The bitchy Desperate Housewives (and wet dream Jesse Metcalf) are back this Sunday night and single mom Jodie Foster takes on yet another single mom role in Flightplan.