The world momentarily stopped spinning when Miller and Coors beer companies announced their impending merger. Seizing that moment, Catholic League president Bill Donohue expressed his hope that this deal with eradicate Miller's involvement with the leather clad, Last Supper defiling Folsom Street Fair:

Now is the time for S&M Miller to rid itself of its nasty image, so that the new company, MillerCoors, isn’t known as S&M MillerCoors. Since we haven’t gotten assurances from the Milwaukee-based brewer that it will no longer sponsor obscene anti-Christian events like the Folsom Street Fair, we are taking our plea to the Molson and Coors officers and families. Select pictures of what occurred at the street fair will be sent to them today.

It is hard to imagine the Coors family, with its stellar reputation, as well as the Molsons, a distinguished Canadian family, wanting to support public displays of religious bigotry and sodomy.

Wait, wait, wait…

Did Donohue just praise a Canadian company over a great American, self-determined company like Miller? That's the most unpatriotic thing we've ever heard! In addition to his blow hard, backward ways, Billy Boy's also harboring some pretty anti-American sentiments. Perhaps now we know where to find Osama Bin Laden: in Donohue's inflated sense of morality.

Under the files of "Where the hell have WE been?"…a news story about Gay Mardi Gras in Sydney, Australia featured a mention of the "Friends of Dick Cheney," which at first we presumed would feature elderly men shot up like Swiss cheese. But it turns out the float payed tribute to the Vice President's opposition of a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.

After a bit of snooping, we found this article from 2004:

“With the respect to the question of relationships, my general view is freedom means freedom for everyone. … People ought to be free to enter into any kind of relationship they want to."

Yes, that sound was our brains exploding inside our heads.

Dick Cheney spoke out in support of his daughter, Mary, who is well-known to be a lesbian and lives openly in a relationship with another woman. Mary was even the Gay Community Liason for Coors Brewing Company; but on the other hand, the Coors family has been one of the most notorious funders of anti-gay organizations like Free Congress and Heritage Foundation. The Cheney family is an island in a sea of paradoxes. We find the whole situation confusing. Regardless, we are now confident George Bush won't push that "gay amendment" thing much further, since Dick Cheney runs the country anyway.

And just like that, we like Dick Cheney just a little bit more. Although we still find him incomprehensibly scary.

Also: Coors: friend or foe? [Mother Jones]