• Richard Simmons guest stars on Whose Line Is It Anyway and plays inanimate objects to be ridden by the other men. We always thought he was a perv, but this is the hilarious proof. [YouTube]

• John Cameron Mitchell's improvised porno movie Shortbus is being screened at Cannes. One of the highlights is a performance of the national anthem during butt sex. It sounds like compelling stuff. [WOW Report]

• See the newest swimsuits for summer and what's underneath them in the HX swimwear issue. [HX via Rod 2.0]

• Alias star/all-around dreamboat Michael Vartan has a brown penis. No lie. [ELH, NSFW]

• We never knew that Dolly Parton and Hulk Hogan had ever artistically collaborated. The results are indescribable. [Nervous Breakdown]

It seems that Buffy has traded her stake in for a Rock. Sarah Michelle Gellar, every gay's favorite vampire slayer, stars in Donnie Darko director Richard Kelly's Southland Tales, where she plays a former porn star who is trying to start her own talk show. The film is currently competing at Cannes, and is if all that weren't enough to make us want to see it, we have this quote from Gellar regarding the steamy sex scene between her and co-star The Rock:

Asked how she felt being on the red carpet in front of an international audience, Gellar quipped, "You want to see the nail marks that I put into Dwayne's [The Rock's] arm this morning from grabbing onto him?" The Rock winked and said, "You should see my back!"

We wonder if it was just acting, or if the red marks all over the back of Gellar's hubbie Freddie Prinze Junior are the reason he hardly ever takes his shirt off on screen.

Sex and the CBC host: it's definitely not PG [Globe and Mail]

We adore Dolly Parton, but admit that we don't have any hand-crafted lookalike dolls on display in our houses. Does this mean we are not true fans? Perhaps, as the new documentary For the Love of Dolly could reveal. It focuses on five devoted fans of our favorite country diva, showing how Dolly transformed their lives for the better:

Under the cleverly crafted direction of Tai Uhlmann, (herself a proclaimed life long Dolly fan), For The Love Of Dolly will not only take you inside Dollywood but also into the hearts and homes of her most devoted fans to reveal why Dolly’s rags to riches story has touched so many lives from Tennessee to Zimbabwe.

The documentary opens in New York, L.A., P-Town, and San Francisco next month.

FOR THE LOVE OF DOLLY [Lady Bunny]
For the Love of Dolly [Official Site]

We've gotten a few letters over the last month from folks who feel that we new Queerty editors are a bunch of stone cold bitches/a posse of Negative Nancies/a couple of stubborn queer princesses. Well today we're going to show our softer side by admitting something potentially humiliating: this weekend we saw and enjoyed All Aboard! Rosie's Family Cruise.

While flipping channels looking for one of those mean British "what were you thinking when you decorated this house?" home improvement shows, we stumbled upon Rosie O'Donnell's new movie, and started watching purely for its trainwreck value. As we sat tersely nibbling some tortilla chips and waiting for the first mockworthy moments, we didn't even notice the minutes ticking by. Soon we had been watching a half hour.

Review continued after the jump.

CONTINUED »

Tomorrow is a DVD double-header, with both Brokeback Mountain and 9 to 5 being released for our homosexual viewing pleasure. Gender equality in the workplace has made some progress since the Jane Fonda/Lily Tomlin/Dolly Parton classic came out in 1980, but its release on DVD gives the stars an opportunity to weigh in on sexism and their own personal relationships, including how they all (except for Tomlin) enjoy being whistled at on the street by construction workers. We're right there with you, girls.

Also in the works is a Broadway musical version of 9 to 5 starring Dolly Parton, who will also be writing some brand new songs for the production. It is due to open in Fall 2007, and we will of course keep you posted as news develops.

After Hours with the '9 to 5' Gang [USA Today via Beaverhausen]

Not only is Thank You For Smoking the movie with the controversial "lost" sex scene between co-stars Katie Holmes and Aaron Eckhart, but it also features Adam Brody, star of Fox's The OC, and one of Queerty's favorite celebrities, playing, as usual, himself. We've seen the trailer and the film looks very funny, so we thought we would spare all you cheap suckers the embarassment of trying to sneak in at the theater, and give you the opportunity to score some tickets to a free screening in a city near you.

RSVP for free screening tickets [Fox Searchlight via ONTD]
Thank You For Smoking Trailer [iFilm]
Cut sex scene was reel issue, director says [Journal Gazette]

We bet you never thought there could be a comic book movie gayer than the X-Men trilogy. Well we just saw one this weekend, and it's smart, well-written, well-acted, and affecting (if a little bit depressing depending on your outlook).

Read the rest of the review after jump.

CONTINUED »

You’ve probably seen this, so forgive us if this seems to be old news. We just watched Jeffrey's Hollywood Screen Trick for the first time and we loved it. The short is from 2001, so it’s been around for some time. Even if you’ve seen it watch it again.

Inspired by the recent spate of bright and sunny gay romantic comedies, Jeffrey's Hollywood Screen Trick satirizes this new genre. Produced and directed by Todd Downing (Dirty Baby Does Fire Island), written by David Briggs (Karen Black Like Me) and starring Mike Albo (author of Hornito: My Lie Life), this eleven-minute short brings fifty anatomically-exceptional "Billy dolls" to life through stop-motion animation on 35mm film.

Jeffrey's Hollywood Screen Trick premiered on the opening night of the 2001 New York Underground Film Festival. A wide range of press covered the film, from National Public Radio's Morning Edition to New York's gay party magazine HX (which called it a "definite must-see"), as well as the New York Press (which called it "mind-blowing").

JEFFREY'S HOLLYWOOD SCREEN TRICK [Creative Capital]

• Good As You let us know that the American Family Association on Thursday called off its threatened boycott of Ford Motors after Jaguar and Land Rover ads were pulled from gay publications. Redneck bigoted hillbillies don’t drive Land Rovers! Gays do. Looks like we need to start our own boycott.

• In California a lesbian student has earned the right to sue her school after her principle outed her to her mother. "The person to decide when and how to talk with our family about this should have been my daughter, not her principal," her mother was quoted as saying. Thanks Lara.

• The Pet Shop Boys, still pop’s smartest performers, are set to release an album in the spring produced by the amazing Trevor Horn. Can’t wait.

• We know Madonna doesn’t cut it for everyone when it comes to electronic music. So we are highly recommending Beck’s new remix album Guerolito, a work-over of tracks from the Gold-certified and wonderful Guero. Some of our faves like Boards of Canada and Air lend the cutie iconic hipster a hand on production this time around. The result is a trippy and fun ride you can shake your ass to. Thanks Popbytes.

• here! Network has answered many a gay man’s prayers by casting Antonio Sabato, Jr. in Deadly Skies. The heartthrob plays a gay man who saves the world from an asteroid. This has all the makings of a new camp classic.