Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney may want people to think he's the most conservative candidate for the Republican presidential nomination, but Senator Sam Brownback thinks otherwise.

Speaking to Christian Broadcasting Network, Brownback insisted he's the only staunch pro-life candidate and said of Romney:

I think you have to look at where he stood on the issues and what he said publicly. At times he's said different things on these issues. I think that's all going to come out during a long campaign… [W]hen we get out on the campaign trail and when the campaign really gets fully engaged, there's going to be a lot of discussion about where do people actually stand on the issues and where have they been and where are they now and how reliable are they to stay that way.

Oh, snap!

As you may recall, poor Mitt's past pro-gay statements have come back to haunt him, leading many social conservatives to wonder if he's got the Biblically-proportioned balls to lead our country. Brownback, meanwhile, has the complete support of people like Focus on The Family. Sorry, Romney, but we don't think you're long for the running.

Related: Brownback Hopes To Be A Winner

Well, it's the moment we've all been waiting for (no, not Mark Foley release from rehab): Ted Haggard's embarking on his official, Evangelically-blessed "sexual counseling".

The disgraced pastor's trying to force the homo-demon from the pure, meth-laden playground that is his soul in hopes of regaining proper place in heaven.

Unfortunately for Haggard, there are no guarantees (nor, we imagine, is there money back).

As Focus on the Family VP H.B. London says:
"I see success approximately 50 percent of the time…Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process."
Or, they can't take pain of so-called religious repression any longer. Sheesh.

And, do you think Focus on the Family President, James Dobson's too busy to provide a quote?

Okay, so homophobic Pastor Ted Haggard (pictured) hasn't technically admitted to having slept with wiley hooker, Mike Jones, but the fact that he's stepped down as President of the National Association of Evangelicals and run off for "spiritual guidance" doesn't look good.

For those of you not up to date, this story first broke Tuesday when Jones - who had actually spoken with reporters two months ago - said he had a three-year affair with the politically connected preacher man. Haggard, of course, insisted no such thing ever happened: he's a good Christian, after all, and spouts homo-hatred left and right in his pursuit of heaven on Earth, a heaven in which gays will never get the chance to marry. Maintaining his heterosexuality, Haggard questions whether or not Jones' allegations are mere political chicanery:

I don't know if this is election year politics or if this has to do with the marriage amendment or what it is, but I'm not even the guy who will investigate it or question it. I don't know what the dynamics are, but this independent group will come in and do that.

That "independent group", of course, would consist of members from Haggard's 14,000-strong New Life Church in Colorado Springs.

As the day went on and prominent Evangelicals, such as Focus on the Family's James Dobson, came out in support of Haggard, Jones dropped another bomb shell: he has evidential voice mails and a letter from Haggard. What's more, Jones claims to have seen Haggard use meth.

Cue the getaway car.

Of course, Haggard insists he stepped down for the good of his church-run investigation:

I am voluntarily stepping aside from leadership so that the overseer process can be allowed to proceed with integrity," he said. "I hope to be able to discuss this matter in more detail at a later date. In the interim, I will seek both spiritual advice and guidance.

"Spiritual advice and guidance" means either "harsh defagification" or "pull a Mark Foley and hide until after the election".

Ahh, yes, the election. As we mentioned, Haggard's exceedingly well-connected and has been described as one of the most powerful religious leaders in America. How could he not? As of yesterday he commanded 30 million Evangelicals, an organization known for its virulent homophobia and anti-gay marriage politics. It's also the religious group President Bush calls his own.

As the story developed, CNN's Wolf Blitzer called on everyone's favorite homo-journo-politico, Andrew Sullivan to weigh in on the matter. (Not incidentally, Sulivan's blog comes to us via Time Magazine, which is owned by CNN's parent company, Time Warner.)

Undoubtedly a bright man, Sullivan brought up the fact that Evangelicals - who once toed the Republican party line as if their lives depended on it - have been turning away from politics. MSNBC concurs:

The number of conservative Christians with a favorable view of the party has plummeted from 74 percent to 54 percent between 2004 and this year, according to the Pew Research Center for the People & the Press. Evangelicals comprise more than one-third of GOP voters.

Rather than aligning whole-heartedly with the GOP, Sullivan says, many Evangelicals will "pray on it" to determine a new political route. No doubt the fact that their leader sucks cock will confuse their decision-making prayers.

While many think the Evangelicals will vote for the GOP, even if only for lack of options, we can't help but think that thousands may turn away entirely. As if the string of corruption scandals weren't enough, they've had to deal with the entire Mark Foley mess, and now their leader - the man to whom they turned for religious, political and social guidance - may be a big, fat liar.

This is more than a test of faith. This is a test of personal will - is someone willing to follow a debunked myth or does a new path come calling? Obviously there's no cut and dry answer to this matter, but it sure as hell's going to cause some major trouble.

In our opinion, Jones's probably telling the truth. Of course, the timing's mighty fishy and we suspect someone paid him to keep the story under wraps until closer to the election. Who that person may be, however, remains a mystery.

Previously: I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Hooker"

We knew it was only a matter of time until the conservativos came out in defense of Ted Haggard, the evangelical homo-hater who may or may not have been sucking off a rent boy, Mike Jones. James Dobson, the equally haterific leader of Focus on the Family, has released a statement admonishing Jones and praising Haggard's role as a religious leader:

It is unconscionable that the legitimate news media would report a rumor like this based on nothing but one man's accusation. Ted Haggard is a friend of mine and it appears someone is trying to damage his reputation as a way of influencing the outcome of Tuesday's election — especially the vote on Colorado's marriage-protection amendment — which Ted strongly supports.

He has shown a great deal of grace under these unfortunate circumstances, quickly turning this matter over to his church for an independent investigation. That is a testament to the character I have seen him exhibit over and over again through the years.

We don't know how Dobson measures one's character, but we assume it involves an uncanny ability to manipulate Biblical passages for evil, set up a shady church-sanctioned investigation and a bottomless hatred of homos. (We say bottomless because, let's face it, all the peeps decrying homosexuality as a sin really just want it up the butt.)

Previously: I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Hooker

• Alaskan judge not fucking around when it comes to marriage law. Yeah, girl! [365 Gay]

• Is gay support by celebrities just a bunch of PR bull? Kim Ficera seems to think so. [AfterEllen]

• Brit play sheds light on Asian gays. A bit of an odd couple, but okay… [Pink News UK]

• Artists "revisit" male figure. As if we'd forget? [The New York Blade]

• Homophobes miss slave days. Shocker. [Gay Alliance]

Ever since it first burst upon the scene in 2003 with its "scientific" approach to finding everyone's perfect love match, Dr. Neil Clark Warren's eHarmony has also disappointed gay men by only allowing them to find love matches with women. It's quite a bait and switch really, since many of the gays we know love filling out surveys, and the eHarmony signup process is a survey aficionado's wet dream.

In the beginning, we figured they hadn't yet configured their database to allow samesex matches, but it goes deeper and darker than that. eHarmony got its first big financial bump from "Dr." James Dobson of Focus on the Family, and remains beholden to the organization to this day.

The religious ties of the dating site run so deep that they even require their straight customers to be fully divorced before enrolling. That is the reason a California lawyer who is finishing up his divorce is suing the company. He thinks that women should decide for themselves whether or not he, as a still-married man, is worth the trouble. From the nature of his case, we suspect he is quite a handful, ladies, so don't say we didn't warn you.

Married lawyer sues eHarmony for refusing to help him find love [SFGate]
eHarmony and Focus on the Family [Daily Kos]
eHarmony [Official Site]

• Gays from Newark to Trenton could be shopping for wedding dresses and tuxes. Same-sex marriage is going to the New Jersey Supreme Court. [Newsday]

• Two of our favorite media subjects come together in one place. Tyra Banks tackles gay cowboys on her show today. [The Advocate]

• It won't be Return to Brokeback Mountain, but Jake Gylenhaal and Heath Ledger might end up onscreen once again. [NY Times]

• We don't know why the normally anti-gay Focus on the Family is endorsing a pro-gay bill, but we'll take what we can get from them. [LA Times]

• There was a time when Madonna's controversial performances were much more risqué than form-fitting purple leotards and a few sexy dance moves. Malaysia's government needs to take a look at Truth or Dare to see what the real definition of provocative is. [In The News]

• “Focus on the Family has closed all its Wells Fargo accounts because the San Francisco bank contributed to a gay rights group that promised to use the funds to ‘fight … the anti-gay industry,’” reports the San Francisco Chronicle. We think maybe it's time to start doing business with Wells. Thanks Lara.

• Salon reveals that the right-wing Christian whack jobs will not protest Brokeback Mountain this weekend. Instead they are choosing to ignore it hoping not to contribute to the old adage that all PR is good PR.

• Michael Lucas on his penis and getting blown away by RuPaul in her new film: “I owe all my success to that big penis of mine, and without it, I am nothing but an aging retarded man from communist Russia.” He said it, not us!

• Made In Brazil has readers voting for Fotolog of the Year. Oh My God. Oh My God. Oh My God.

• Two women are suing Walt Disney Co., NBC Universal, supermodel Heidi Klum and others, claiming the concept of Project Runway was theirs and that they presented the idea to Klum’s people in 2003. They must have missed the first season.

The Human Rights Campaign released a long list of companies that support the LGBT community. Included on the list is Wells “moneybags” Fargo which was stamped with a perfect student score of 100%. Not good news for Focus on The Family who has been entrusting the bank with their WASPy cash for years. They’re now treating the bank the same way they’d treat their own gay child: kick them out of the house.

“Focus on the Family has elected to end its banking relationship with Wells Fargo, motivated primarily by the bank’s ongoing efforts to advance the radical homosexual agenda. These efforts are in direct opposition to the underlying principles and purpose of Focus, and thus a decision of conscience had to be made, and a stand taken.

“Radical homosexual agenda?” And here we naively thought Wells Fargo was simply being tolerant and giving.

•Time Magazine puts gay teenagers on its cover today. They are coming out earlier, having sex earlier, and getting their first Prada bag earlier than you did. They are also hooking up at ex-gay conferences. Hot.

•Focus on the Family participated in Extreme Makeover: Home Edition this past weekend. Because it makes total sense to have religious whackos help decorate rather than the gays.

•No longer with a major label, our favorite redhead singer Casey Stratton has released clips from his new album online. Thanks Arjan.

•On the 10th anniversary of his wife’s murder OJ Simpson signed autographs at a horror convention, never making the connection as to why he was invited.

• “Remember Monroe from television's Too Close For Comfort?” Of course we don’t, we are too young. For those who do remember, actor Jim J. Bullock returns in another perfect role: Queer Duck.