Jesse Kern came out of hiding today. The 31-year old son of homophobic Oklahoma lawmaker Sally Kern spoke with Tulsa World today to address all those pesky gay rumors.

Kern insists that he's not gay, but simply a celibate metaphysicist!

[Kern] said that he chooses to be celibate, but he is not homosexual.

"First of all, no one's sexuality is anyone's business. It is not even my mother's business," he said. "I practice celibacy to give to my God," he said.

Kern said metaphysics helps teach him such things such as concentration, which has helped him keep focused with all the adverse publicity surrounding his mother's comments.

Kern makes sure to note that he doesn't condone his mother's comments, but applauds her for speaking her mind, although he hasn't listened to the audio. He also offered tacit gay approval: "[There] needs to be honor in any relationship whether it is a straight or gay relationship."

Glad his mother didn't pass the insanity gene.

Sally Kern's ears must be on fire, because we just can't stop talking about her! First came the Oklahoma lawmakers infamous rant and then we had that whole "first amendment" debate. The juiciest story of all came yesterday, when we looked into rumors that Kern and her husband, Dr. Steve Kern, had and hid a homo son, Jesse.

Dr. Kern, who's a Baptist preacher, issued a statement to squash those gay rumors - and perpetuate some others. It's actually very clever:

Our son is not gay. We would still love him if he was, but that would not change the fact that homosexuality is a chosen life style and that we would pray for our son to have a change of heart. My heart goes out to the many parents who have lost sons to AIDs [sic] and other STDs. Those kinds of deaths are tragic because they could have been avoided.

Ah, yes, we gay folk are simply crawling with infection! We practically are AIDS!

Meanwhile, more internet chatter led us to the Oklahoma State Courts Network, a beautiful internet archive of the state's criminal records. And guess what we found?! Three - count 'em, three! - cases against a man named Jesse Jacob Kern, who may or may not be related to Sally and Steve Kern, who just happen to have a son named Jesse.

The first Kern case involved some attempted oral sodomy and went down, so to speak, on March 27, 1989. That charge was dismissed by request of the state on June 9, 1989. What's most interesting, however, is that this Mr. Kern just happened to be in court on that same day on a charge of trying to "obtain money by false pretenses," whatever that means. Kern also stepped up to a driving under suspension charge. He was convicted of both on October 10, 1989.

That must have been a hard year for this Jesse Jacob Kern - and his parents are definitely to blame!

Uh-oh! Could foul-mouthed Sally Kern's secret be out of the bag?

The Oklahoma lawmaker's homophobic remarks have been the talk of the town recently, especially her assertion that gay folk are infiltrating schools to indoctrinate children. And, sensing a critical national spotlight, Kern made a very suspicious change to her official government homepage.

If you compare a March 4th cache and today's version, you'll notice that Kern and/or her staff deleted a biographical sentence mentioning her two adult sons, Jesse and Nathan. Obviously our warning bells went off, so we did a little digging and found something quite queer.

Consider comment seventeen on this Tulsa World article: "How come no-one asks this "supposed" christian woman..about her own GAY son? The one she basically has dis-owned…ahh so christian."

What?! Kern and her Baptist preacher hubbie had a homo? And they disowned him? That's some Alan Keyes shit…

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