No joke - Perez Hilton passed a lie detector test and proved his many claims about John Mayer, like that they kissed as Jessica Simpson rubbed Mayer's crotch. Here's a sample of the results. Emphasis added:.

Did you kiss John Mayer on the mouth? YES (True)
Did you use your tongue? YES (True)
Did John Mayer use his tongue? YES (True)
…
Was Jessica Simpson rubbing John Mayer's crotch as you were making out? YES (True)
Do you think John enjoyed the kiss? YES (True)
Is John a good kisser? YES (True)
Are you speaking out to get publicity? NO (False)

The ugly truth, indeed.

John Mayer fans may be thrilled to hear that the singer kissed a boy. The rest of us are horrified to hear it was Perez Hilton, who declares Mayer "bisexual:"

He is definitely bi," Hilton declared on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM radio show, adding that Mayer is "struggling with his sexuality."

Of their liplock at NYC club Stereo last year, Hilton said, "He kissed me, and I kissed him back. It was on the mouth with tongue.

"I thought he was messing with me," Hilton went on. "Then he kept going and going."

Some people are wondering whether Perez and Mayer are playing for Ashton Kutcher's team, Pop Fiction. That sounds likely, because we totally don't believe Mayer's bisexual. He's very clearly gay.

John Mayer ensured himself some press this week by donning a Borat-style bathing suit. We're sooooo glad we're not A/B-list singer/songwriter douche bags like Mayer.

Boys better watch their backs - and mouths - if they plan on getting soused at a John Mayer concert.

The cringe-inducing crooner blogged out about underage drinking at a recent show, telling fans he's got some sloppy plans for sloppy drunks.

If I happen to be walking backstage and I see any of you young men passed out drunk on a stretcher, make no mistake about it, you will come-to in front of your disappointed parents with a face full of Sharpie and the sneaking suspicion that you've been tea bagged by one of Time Magazine's 100 most influential people of 2007.

We've got the sneaking suspicion you'd like it, Mayer.