Well, if this isn't the set-up to a porno, I don't know what is. CNN's Anderson Cooper challenges god-like superman Michael Phelps to a (severely handicapped) race for you know, fun and/or an excuse to get Phelps in his Speedo. It's a win-win for us, as we get to see both the Coop and Man-Fish in swim trunks, together and while Phelps kicks Anderson's ass in the race, we have a feeling that Coop's pretty sure he's the real winner.

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NBC is a jealous mistress. Among rumors that Michael Phelps is bedding Stephanie Rice (and whoever else he wants) the peacock station wants to draw their beloved cash-cow back into the warm bosom of their network.

Fair enough, but couldn't they find a better program than Saturday Night Live to showcase Phelps? The Olympic swimmer will be hosting the first episode of the season, which is sure to get off to a bang considering that most of America has never even heard Phelps speak.

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Jeanne Moos, the funniest newswoman on television, recently took to the streets to compare Olympic idol Michael Phelps' to the previous American swimming champ Marc Spitz. The results are pure journalistic gold.

Michael Phelps done did it. The American Olympics swimmer cinched his eighth gold medal in Beijing yesterday, giving him a grand total of eleven such wins, which beats out Marc Spitz's previous record of ten.

Having completed his mission, the ever humble Phelps said, "I wanted to do something nobody ever did." He also said he wanted to hug his mom. Awww.

Meanwhile, did anyone see the American basketball team whoop Spain 119-82 yesterday? Could they be better than the Dream Team?

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The new Men's Journal photo spread of Olympic swimmers Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte inspired more embarrassing tales of the heart from our Lance Bass-loving colleague, Whitney Little: "During my sophomore year in college I had a teensy weensy crush Phelps that drove me to spend over $100 on all the MP paraphernalia I could find on eBay… I finally moved on, but I have a bad feeling my problem may creep back now that it’s Olympic season yet again and Men’s Journal is putting out pictures like these."

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It's official. Speedo's new LZR swimsuit is the best thing to happen to water since Moses.

The suit, made of a "space-age" water repellent material, has been worn by 21 of the 22 world record swimmers, so obviously Speedo's on to something here.

While people debate the the tight fit's fairness, we're more intrigued by the suit's secret weapon, as seen on swimmer Michael Phelps:

How does it work? The secret, according to swimmers, is in the groin and abdomen. The LZR is built, there, with an inflexible girdle-like structure meant to hold a swimmer's body in the best position as he or she moves through the water.

Another benefit is seamlessness: The whole suit is "ultrasonically welded" together, a technique that bonds plastic using sound waves. This reduces any lines that may cause drag.

Honey, that is drag!

We’ve all fibbed about one thing or another on our own Gay.com profiles. Small insignificant fudges here and there are completely normal. The biggest exaggeration we’ve ever come across during our unsuccessful dating life has been body type. If you’re going to lay claim to a swimmer’s build, please, at least lose the Buddha belly.

Burn the flab by actually taking up swimming. Not only is it a great low impact cardio work out (saves those joints) but is also a terrific endurance builder. Make sure you also take up other forms of exercise to avoid overtraining.

If your local gym doesn’t have a pool, take the Village People’s advice and have some fun at the YMCA. But if you prefer to surround yourself with unclosted gays, look up a local swimming league at the International Gay and Lesbian Aquatics. We love our fellow aquatic queers in Louisville for adopting the name KY Liquid. We just hope they don’t wade around in the stuff.

Bulky swim trunks will just slow you down, so go with the Speedo. I know what you’re thinking, but swimming pools might just be the only place where Speedo briefs won't gross you out. Our favorite is the solid dive suit - sleek, simple and sexy.

And finally, check out hot Olympian Michael Phelp’s site. This, bitches, is what a true swimmer’s build looks like.