This massage doesn't have a happy ending.

A Ghanaian immigrant in England filed criminal charges against his South London doctor after the medic allegedly molested him during a massage. The man couldn't have been too upset, though, because he used the abuse to make a buck:

The Ghanaian patient, who can't be named, fell into a trance as Dr Lewis Dickinson, 53, gave him a massage at his practice in Camberwell.

But when he came to he found the doctor holding a massaging machine in one hand and the patient's private parts in the other, the hearing was told.

Anxious not to endanger his immigration status, Patient A made another appointment instead of going to the police.

He recorded his next visit to the GP, when Dickinson mentioned something in relation to the alleged assault. Patient A confronted the doctor with his evidence, and he agreed to pay the patient - who was HIV positive - £100 a week for the rest of his life to keep him quiet, the hearing was told.

When the doctor stopped paying two and a half years later, the patient pressed charges. But the case against the doctor was thrown out because of a lack of evidence and Patient A was hauled to court to face blackmail charges.

Unfortunately for Dickinson, he still faces professional review for this sticky situation.

Well that didn't take long!

After a mere three hours of deliberation, a British jury today found Anthony Morley guilty of murdering Damien Oldfield (right).

In addition to slashing his throat and stabbing Oldfield, Morley, a chef and former Mr. Gay UK winner, cut off pieces of his victim and then seasoned them for cooking.

Morley claimed the gruesome attack was an act of self-defense. Oldfield, he testified, had tried to rape him after Morley told the ad man he wanted to take their relationship slow. The prosecution described that defense as rubbish.

Morley will be sentenced at a later date.

Mathias Guerrand-Hermès' wife, Valesca probably has loads of questions.

The 39-year old heir to the Hermès fashion house found himself behind bars earlier this week after launching into a drunken, pill-induced rage on an Air France flight from Paris to New York.

In addition to harassing other passengers and generally acting a fool, Mr. Guerrand-Hermes went for the captain's crotch:

Court papers say that the socialite had drunk "quite a bit of alcohol', as well as taking the prescription drug, Propofan, before perching on the arm rest of a female passenger, who was sitting near him in first class.
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As members of the flight crew tried to intervene, the captain stepped in asking him to calm down.

Instead, he allegedly grabbed the pilot's crotch shouting: "I am not going to behave myself," and tried to throw a punch.

He failed at throwing that bunch an could face up to 20-years in prison, but he's rich and powerful and probably hasn't gotten into that much trouble in the past, so experts are predicting six months in the slammer, where there will be all sorts of crotches to grab.

Alaska's former public safety commissioner Walt Monegan used the word "obsession" when describing Sarah Palin's interest in state trooper Michael Wooten.

Wooten was once married to the Republican running mate's sister. When their marriage began to crumble, some say, Palin used her power as Governor to oust him. Palin denies the claims, but an independent investigation suggests the politico and her husband were, in fact, obsessed:

In all, the commissioner and his aides were contacted about Trooper Wooten three dozen times over 19 months by the governor, her husband and seven administration officials, interviews and documents show.

“To all of us, it was a campaign to get rid of him as a trooper and, at the very least, to smear the guy and give him a desk job somewhere,” said Kim Peterson, Mr. Monegan’s special assistant, who like several other aides spoke publicly about the matter for the first time.

One of the alleged instances involved the state fair, where Wooten was set to appear as the kid-friendly "Safety Bear." Palin called Monegan and asked him to remove or shift Wooten's position at the fair. Why? Because she was going, as well, and didn't want to see him. Obviously the Governor lacks the maturity needed for the White House.

A full report will be released later today.