Barneys' creative director Simon Doonan may be the most analytical and keen queer historian to date: "I think over-the-top dressing began when the gay cavemen got bored and started doing wild head wraps."

The fag and the hag have a historically symbiotic relationship - a mutually beneficial connection many non-fags/non-hags may not understand.

Luckily, hag Melissa de la Cruz and fag Tom Dolby have teamed up to edit the definitive guide to the hag/fag friendship, Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys: True Tales of Love, Lust, and Friendship Between Straight Women and Gay Men.

Among their choir of contributing queers, readers will find the wise words of Barneys creative director and lesbian watcher, Simon Doonan. Not surprisingly, dick loving Doonan loves that he loves Dick! Via Page Six:

I consider myself fortunate to have been born a happy-go-lucky, card-carrying fag… If, for whatever reason, I were to have been denied this privilege, then I would have settled for being the next best thing: a fag hag.

Doonan's practically a fucking messiah! If you want to learn more about his religious devotion to the homosexual practice, head over to Chelsea's Barnes and Noble tomorrow night, where Doonan and others will be discussing de la Cruz and Dolby's book. You bring the nail polish, we'll bring the booze.

The Oscars sure were lesbianic, huh? We had Ellen hosting, Jodie scowling, Portia vamping, Melissa singing and winning.

One would think that Hollywood had become one big lesbian meet-and-greet. According to uber-fashionista and known homosexual, Simon Doonan, it has.

And what's more, we should have seen it coming.

CONTINUED »

• Three out politicians were elected in Ohio last night. We thought that only happens in San Francisco.

• Texans approved a ban on gay marriage yesterday and in Maine the voters upheld a law giving protection from discrimination to homosexuals. We are thinking a fall foliage trip to Maine is in order.

• Bradford’s hometown of Baltimore needs a makeover. Somebody call Simon Doonan stat!

• London Terrace Towers in Chelsea has some new rules: "No one may touch or fondle [themselves or] another person in any part of the Pool or the Health Club facility.” Famous residents Annie Leibovitz and Debbie Harry are probably happy with the new policy. Matthew has yet to comment. Via Gawker.

• Sharon Osbourne says Madonna looks like an old hooker. She would know. Her daughter looks like a fat hooker.

Most ceramists don't have a manifesto. Then again, most ceramists are not Jonathan Adler. He is the the partner to Barneys' creative director Simon Doonan and the maker of retro, kitsch house must-haves. Jonathan Adler's work is remarkable. Whether a Valley of the Dolls inspired pill dish or one of his decorative fishes, each piece of his work has personality. And they are all so gay.

His manifesto includes some choice words:

We believe that when it comes to decorating, the wife is always right. Unless the husband is gay.

We believe minimalism is a bummer.

We believe handcrafted tchotchkes are life-enhancing.

We believe in our muses: David Hicks, Alexander Girard, Bonnie Cashin, Hans Coper, Gio Ponti, Andy Warhol, Leroy Neiman, Yves Saint Laurent, and Madonna.

We believe in being underdressed or overdressed always.

We believe in infantile, happy emblems like butterflies and hearts.

We believe celebrities should pay full price.

We believe in rustic modernism: Big Sur, A-Frame beach houses, raw beams, and geodesic dome homes.

We believe our designs are award winning even though they've never actually won any.

We believe colors can't clash.

We believe Adler is a genius.