Queen Sofía of Spain was bored of flying from airports named in her honor one day and decided to sit down with author Pilar Urbano and get literate by saying a bunch of entertaining things about gays in an interview for a book.

It seems that the 70-year-old queen was under the impression that it was all a big pretend game, like a mock naval battle or an election and was surprised to learn that the book, The Queen Up Close, was actually going to be published and read by the common-folk.

Turns out the queen, a member of the Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg (say it three times fast aloud right now) dynasty has all sort of conservative royal opinions, much like Peggy Noonan — only Sofía's actual royalty.

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Spain's royal flacks insist Queen Sofia's anti-gay comments from her biography were "misquoted:"

The Spanish royal court distanced itself Friday from comments expressed by Queen Sofia in a new biography in which she opposes gay marriage, among other political comments.

The queen was making the comments 'in a private framework,' a statement from the Zarzuela Palace in Madrid said. The queen's comments had also been misquoted, the palace said.

Author Pilar Urbano calls those claims absolute rubbish and points out that the Queen approved the biography before it went to print.

We're usually big fans of queens, but Spain's Queen Sofia's definitely an exception.

The seventy-year old monarch lets her anti-gay attitude show in a new biography, The Queen Up Close. For her first round of homo-centric conservative spew, Queen Sofia takes on gay pride, which she says doesn't deserve much space in the public sphere:

I can understand, accept and respect that there are people of other sexual tendencies, but should they be proud to be gay? Should they ride on a parade float and come out in protests? If all of those of us who aren't gay came out to protest we would halt traffic.

Later, while discussing gay marriage, Sofia offers this semantic opposition:

If those people want to live together, dress up like bride and groom and marry, they could have a right to do so, or not, depending on the law of their country, but they should not call this matrimony, because it isn't. There are many possible names: social contract, social union.

Yes, yes there are many names, but none are quite the same as marriage. Perhaps the errors of "separate, but equal" don't translate to Spanish, or something…

The European Union likes to say it's achieving "Unity through diversity," but that's not always the case when it comes to gay rights.

While Spain allows gay marriage, other nations, like Poland, stridently oppose such civil expansions. What, then, can progressive member states do? Nothing, says Vladimir Spidla, the Union's Commissioner for Employment, Social Affairs and Equal Opportunities.

Speaking with The International Lesbian and Gay Association's Destination Equality, Spidla explained that while the Union this year called for all nations to take steps toward inclusive non-discrimination policies, it's up to the home government to determine their own course, especially in terms of same-sex unions, marriage and partnerships.

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Once a rabble-rouser, always a rabble-rouser! Albert Marchena made headlines in Spain two years ago, when he and his boyfriend became the nation's first same-sex military couple to tie the knot. The men have since split.

Fast forward to today and Marchena's again ruffling feathers with a new calendar:

The 2009 calendar includes images of gay men embracing on a church altar wearing nothing but dog collars, a transsexual crucifixion, and a naked angel striking a provocative pose in a cemetery.

Other pictures show naked men within military scenes, including one gay model wearing only chains photographed in front of an army tank.
…
Mr Marchena believes that none of the 24 images contained within his Arcoiris calendar should be considered 'blasphemous'.

"I'm promoting tolerance and equality and this is a way of showing that we can all be united in one place, in this case on the pages of a calendar," Mr Marchena told Spanish newspaper 20 Minutos.

Calendars, of course, are far easier templates for achieving unity.

Talk about cojones!

Spanish social conservatives have filed a lawsuit against Madrid Pride for - get this - hate speech. HazteOir claims that pride organizers and other revelers smeared the Catholic Church's good name by holding up a sign calling Pope Benedict XVI "chief of the inquisitors." Benedict, of course, often rails against gay rights. Should we sue him for hate speech?

As if their lawsuit's not laughable enough, HazteOir claims their fight's for the greater good:

From both humanitarian and Christian concepts of society, only by protecting values such as liberty, justice and solidarity can citizens retain their rights and dignity," HazteOir states on its website.

Our projects are aimed to promote political participation, human dignity and the value and integrity of human life.

How do you say bullshit in Spanish?

Rumor has it Madrid's gay pride tops all others. Thus, in an effort to uncover the truth, Queerty contributor Jimmy Im traveled to the Spanish city for a full investigation.

Check out the blow-by-blow, after the jump…

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