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A Lesson In Self-Importance
Al Reynolds, a washed up Wall Streeter who was once married to washed up talk show host Star Jones, took to YouTube yesterday in an attempt to share the "real" Reynolds. Or, as he puts it, "The Al Reynolds You Don't Know." Did we ask? Far too self-important to speak into the camera - so pedestrian! - Reynolds instead speaks with a journalist, who asks the hard-hitting, tabloid ready questions, like "Are you gay?" The answer, of course, is a long-winded, tortuous and overly prepared "no." It begins thusly: I am not a homosexual. But the thing is, it's really weird to me — and it's kind of upsetting to me that that's where people would go as it relates to my sexuality. Because this has affected my professional life. This has affected my personal life. And if anyone knew the damage that it has caused me, they would understand why I'm very aggressive about this. But it's okay because I'm learning from this whole experience. And hopefully I'll grow from it. But I can tell you probably why… He then rambles into what we guess is an explanation of why people think he's a homo. A short rundown: his Southern roots gave him a sense of style; his mother was a stickler for cleanliness - then he breaks off into some tangent about working on Wall Street and integrity and blah, blah, blah. Basically, Reynolds, this is weird and confusing and we're not sure what - or who - possessed you to release an entire series of videos, but it's so queer, we don't even know where to begin. Also, your video editor sucks. How many goddamn takes did you have to do in order to splice that rubbish together? Anyway, readers, if you're interested, you can find the rest of Reynold's "not gay" bullshit declaration after the jump. |
» "No Sham."
As his marriage to Star Jones heads for divorce court, Al Reynolds wants to know the world he married the formerly massive lawyer for love. "I know in my heart that I entered my marriage with love and the best of intentions and leave it with great sadness that it didn't work… [People] have spoken disparagingly of my life, my sexuality, my career and my integrity. What the world doesn't know about me would fill a book…" We have no doubt. And, also, we'd never read it. [NYDN] |
» "Poor Woman."
Barbara Walters is brilliant! Rather than prolonging the tabloid conflict with former colleague Star Jones, the legendary journalist describes her as a "poor woman" and goes on to say, "I think she's suffering now… I'm not going to be a part of that." Sounds like a sympathetic comment, of course, but we all know she's really just calling Jones a loser. [HuffPo] |
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» Butch.
Now that Star Jones has filed for divorce, Al Reynolds had a night on the town with a "buxom" lady-friend. Apparently he's making a show of his virile manhood, but still comes off a bit light: "He had on a white button-down [shirt], open with a diamond necklace hanging out. And he was drinking all night with his pinky in the air." [NY Post] |
» Fools.
A fan asked famed lesbian Rosie O'Donnell what she makes of Star Jones' impending divorce from Al Reynolds. O'Donnell, employing her poetic gibberish, replied: "we all fool rselves/sometimes." What, oh what, could she be talking about? [R Blog via Gawker] |
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» Rosie Gives Up Hooch
We never took Rosie O'Donnell as a booze hound, but apparently the lesbian comedienne thinks otherwise. She admitted to a fan recently that she's been drinking too much and hopes to stop - and lose weight as a result: "[O'Donnell] made the confession on her blog after telling one fan she'd shed pounds by giving up beer… [Another fan asked] "So, Rosie, alcoholic or not? Just spit it out!…What led to you stopping the beer? You'll only help someone else." To which O'Donnell admitted: " 'Cause I was drinking too much, 'cause I didn't want to any more, 'cause it is hard to lose weight when drinking, 'cause I can never have only one." [Page Six] |
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• President Bush "dismayed" by Foley scandal. Well, at least one Republican's caught off guard. [The New York Times] • Kelly Preston explains hubbie John Travolta's seemingly-gay kiss. "He's the nanny." Yeah, that old story. [National Post] • Star Jones and Al Reynolds pack up for Miami. Oh, man, now they'll never get over those pesky Al's a big fucking homo rumors. [Page Six] • Even more gay television. Wheeee! [Planet Out] • After all their support, HRC admonishes Foley. It's about time. [Human Rights Campaign] • Refinery 29 hearts Loden Dager. We did first, though. [Refinery 29] • South African officials encourage penal HIV tests. Data will help allocate funds. Goes to show you: a little prick can do a lot of good. [All Africa] |
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We're not big into talk shows, particularly when they involve middle-aged women yacking over each other, but we couldn't resist tuning in to The View for uber-lesbo Rosie O'Donnell's take over after the ouster of Star Jones. So far we've seen her dispense toilet-training tips and discuss how she takes baths with her kids. Apparently bath time's a great time to discuss the important life topics. Sample question: "Mommy, when am I getting my fur?" The idea of Rosie taking a bath with her child and discussing her bush brings new meaning to the word "disturbing." |
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• When Cynthia Nixon talks about her relationships with men, she's basically just saying "they helped me figure out I like the muff much, much better." [LSE] • Yes, The Real World is still on the air and continues to tape new seasons. The only way to get us takling about it, of course, is with their gay cast members. It also doesn't hurt if said gay cast members visit gay pride parades, as Denver's Davis did. [Towleroad] • Star Jones is officially quitting The View in mid-July, which means no more egregious product placements. Well, at least until Rosie O'Donnell shows up in September. [MollyGood] |
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You might know openly-gay comedian Mario Cantone either from his stand-up act or as one of the gay friends on Sex and the City. Well he could be about to enter another savage estrogen jungle as the first male guest host of The View now that Meredith Vieira has taken Katie Couric's spot on the Today show. The one obstacle to his being placed on the show could be Star Jones, because she apparently found out that Mario regularly mocks her not-gay husband Al Reynolds in his stand-up act, often going so far as to suggest that Al is not-not-gay. We think Star and Mario should settle things a la Project Runway: with a walk-off! Is Mario Cantone Heading to The View?! [D-Listed] |
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The minibar isn't the only thing that costs extra at the Ostfriesland Hotel in Norden, Germany. They have started charging guests by weight. The exact amount is about 60 cents per 2 pounds, which means that the old Star Jones would be paying about $45 more per night than the new one. Before you feel grateful to the conscientious hotel owners for caring about our general health, remember their reasoning: "Slim guests live longer and can therefore come more often and that is why we reward them." And we thought it had to do with the bedsprings, in which case how much would a room cost if we put Al Reynolds into the equation with Star? Unfortunately that is a question with an unfathomable (and probably unspeakable) answer. Fatter bills for hefty hotel guests [Ananova] |
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• Without a doubt the most frightening photos we’ve seen all year. [D Listed] • George Michael has been arrested. He was slumped over his SUV's wheel and in possession of GHB and sex toys. [CNN] • Mark Kraynak and Steve Wright, the two American strippers that were found dead in a quarry in Montreal, are about to be seen again. In a porn. [Bitchless Blog] • We’re all about comedy and making fun of ourselves. But this is just stupid. [You Tube] • A 70-year-old trannie substitute teacher’s job is in jeopardy. We think that is messed up, but we just cannot get over the fact that she transitioned in her late 60s. It’s never too late, huh? [365 Gay] • We’ve just now come across Zsa Zsa Gabor’s fitness video. Brilliant. [Not That Boy] |
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• Australia's Treasurer says that gays should count their lucky stars the country doesn't criminalize homosexuality. Fortunately for him, being a total idiot is also still legal. [Sydney Morning Herald] • The FBI has interviewed Morrissey to determine if he might be a threat. He might be if they mean being a talented musician in a world full of droning Simpson sisters. [Towleroad] • Star Jones is very slow to catch on. She's only now beginning to suspect that her husband might be a big old 'mo. [A Socialite's Life] • Newsflash! The Golden Girls are gay icons! [AZ Central] • Yet another reason for New Yorkers to never leave Manhattan. AIDS/HIV cases are increasing in Long Island.[Newsday] |
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