There's a stink brewing on behind the scenes of Tom Cruise's WWII flick, Valkyrie.

…Tom Cruise, had asked that everyone working on the film observe one minute of silence in honor of the heroes of war they were about to portray.

When, during the minute, someone passed gas, Cruise stormed off the set in a rage, and he is now on a hunt to have the unknown fartmonger fired.

The crew recorded the moment of silence and Cruise wants to review the tape to find the gaseous culprit. Obviously this man has too much time on his hands.

Alright, not necessarily gay news - unless you consider Tom Cruise's beard "news" - but can take a second to address life's biggest mystery: "What the hell has TC done with Katie Holmes?"

Here you see the famous couple in St. Tropez - well, Tom Cruise and a glassy-eyed figure which appears to be Katie Holmes. Sure, Holmes' fashion's dope, she's got more money than God, a beautiful daughter and more press than almost anyone, but one can't help but wonder if we were right and Cruise stole her brain.

Or maybe her brain's intact, but has been forcibly vegetated by some special scientological cocktail. Either way, we feel for her, because obviously she can't feel for herself.

Tom Cruise and his mindless missus, Katie Holmes got down and real funky at Sunday's Beckham bash.

From Us Weekly:

…The real showstopper came when the DJ played “Old Time Rock & Roll,” prompting Cruise to re-enact his famous scene from Risky Business. At one point, he got on his back and kicked his legs in the air, just like in the movie!

In real life, however, the star kept his pants on.

Thank L. Ron!

It was a hodge podge of Who's Who in Hollywood last night as A-listers and Blisters came together in welcoming David and Victoria Beckham to America.

Super clique Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Becks, Posh, Jada and Will Smith led the crowd into Los Angeles' Museum of Contemporary Art. The not-as-selective-as-we-imagined guest list included a big looking Lil Kim, Little Britain's Matt Lucas, Eva Pigford, Eva Longoria, Posh's fellow Spice Girl, Mel B, Stevie Wonder and, for some reason, Jon Voight.

Check out some more pics, after the jump.

CONTINUED »

Ain't nothing like a good tonic after a post like that last one. Good thing we stumbled upon TMZ's photogenic coverage of an - um - enthusiastic David Beckham after Real Madrid's latest win. Thanks, Becks, we needed that…

In other news from the Beckham Universe, rumor has it he and the Mrs. may be snatching up Madonna's LA pad. They don't, after all, want to be homeless when he moved to play for LA Galaxy.

Seaking of the Mrs - that walking horror fest known otherwise as Victoria and/or Posh, she's signed on to style Tom Cruise and Katie Kate Holmes Cruise for the Oscars.

How fucking quaint.

• Speaking of coming out: a new study shows that revealing one's HIV status may help maintain healthier CD4 cell count.

• Meanwhile, Iranian scientists claim to have formulated a new herbal remedy for HIV.

• In other international news: with nowhere to express themselves in the West Bank, gay Palestinians are finding comfort in Jerusalem.

• Now, let's turn our attention to some frivolous celebrity gossip: rumor has it that Tom Cruise has asked Ben Stiller to appear in The Hardy Men: an updated, comedic version of the popular mysetry series. Um, since when's Cruise a comedian?

• In education news, more and more people are turning a critical eye on bear culture. The gays, not the forest creatures. As far as we know, the forest creatures don't have any culture…

• Finally, people are twisted over the Snickers' commercials. Homophobia or just plain stupid? You be the judge.

• Two Canadians want to open a gay camp. Said camp not to be based on the movie, Camp. [Winnipeg Free Press]

• Yikes! Tom Cruise is crazier than we thought. [Mollygood]

• Lezzie baby mama drama: Atlanta judge rejects woman's appeal to revoke ex-lover's adoptive rights. [Sovo]

• Ads in space!!!! (Thank those geeks at MIT.) [Boston Globe]

• Tom Ford's website. 'Nuff said. [Tom Ford]

• African businesses join the fight against AIDS. Yay! [VOA News]

We've said it before and we'll probably say it again: poor Katie Holmes. Not only has she been zombified, used as a womb for Tom Cruise's miracle baby, but now the date for her nuptials to the looney movie-star has been set.

Mark your calendars, ladies and germs: Ms. Holmes will become Mrs. Katie (Sorry, Kate) Cruise on November 18th in Italy. Dressed in Armani, Holmes will go through the traditional Scientology ceremony of having her brain officially removed and replaced with cotton candy, pebbles, and a severe distaste for reality.

On the plus-side, once the "loving" couples reaches the end of the publicity contract (oh, please, you know it's true), there's no doubt Holmes will be a very rich woman.

Of course, she still won't have a brain…

Oh, please, you knew it was coming.

After months of nay-saying, second guessing, and general cynicism, here's at least some sort of proof that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are raising a child together. Gorgeous, no? Too bad we still have no proof that the little tyke is actually theirs.

We still suspect one of the original - and surprisingly believable - story: the baby came from L. Ron Hubbard's frozen sperm. Regardless of her origins, she's a cute kid. Look at that preternatural head of hair! Just gaze into those eerie, all-encompassing eyes.

Yeah, the great Shiloh/Suri showdown for Earth's soul may be years away, but it's good to know your enemy early. In the off-chance that Suri Cruise isn't some demon spawn destined to lead our planet into some grotesque, dystopian future, and she's just like any other baby, we're sorry. Life will be tough for you, little one: your mom looks pilled out within an inch of her life, your father's a recently unemployed nutter, and you've got assholes like us watching your every move. Welcome to America, honey.

When the Emmy nominations arrived yesterday – among the obvious nods to Family Guy, The Simpsons, and Grey's Anatomy – there came two shocks. First was Kathy Griffin's nomination for My Life On The D-List for Outstanding Reality Program. And second? Recognition of South Park's Tom Cruise-centered episode "Trapped in the Closet" for Outstanding Animated Program (for Programming Less Than One Hour). Having been on the receiving end of Scientology's prowess for things like this, we understand the uphill challenge Trey Parker and Matt Stone faced when taking a dump on Cruise's celebrity. So while we won't be paying too much attention to whether HBO's Rome wins for best score, we will be holding out hope both Kathy and the South Park boys get a chance to hold their statute in front of a room full of their peers and .. do stand up.

58th Primetime Emmy Awards

Sorry, we couldn't resist. We offer our sincerest congratulations to new parents Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes along with our hopes that Scientology does not make the poor little girl a weird outcast.

Cruise, Holmes welcome daughter Suri [CNN]

• Ashlee Simpson wins Best Female Artist at the MTV Australia Video Music Awards. Proof that absolutely no one in Australia cares about MTV. [Courier-Mail]

• We've discussed the inherent perplexities in Alan Cumming's fragrance line, "Cumming," wondering if people are buying the stuff. Apparently they are–specifically, the people who smell bad. [WOW Report]

• Why Paula Abdul is the most important Idol judge. [MSNBC]

• Scientology may have been the "cure" for Tom Cruise's gayness, but now it's blamed for a woman's death. Or maybe, the woman was just nuts?…[The Scoop]

• Madonna, the Kabbalah, and chicken soup. Read to the end for the link to the story. [PAYOR]

• Faye Dunaway leaving the message of all messages. Listen all the way through, bask in the momentum. It's ironic that she complains about wanting to leave Mommie Dearest behind, yet she just soooo brought her back to life. [WOW]

• Soulforce's "tour" bus has been vandalized with graffiti. We just hope the spray paint color the vandals used is much more eye-pleasing than school bus yellow. [WBIR]

• Don't expect to see the South Park episode with Tom Cruise refusing to come out of the closet anytime soon. It seems that not only does the Scientologist have control over his wife, but also over Viacom. [NY Post]

• Who cares about drama and sexual tension on the set of Project Runway. What we really want to know, is WTF was Guadalupe on during the reunion show? [The Village Voice]

• Barefoot Britney steps on an old needle lying on the ground. Gay fans say: "Was she exposed to HIV?" Kevin Federline says: "Oh, there it is." [ShowBiz News]

• Anti-gay public school to open in Oregon. Since when are church schools funded by taxes? [basicrights]

• A male student is in trouble for wearing dress and a wig to his prom. “'The only thing that Mr. Lofy did wrong was wearing a purse that didn’t match the dress and open-toed shoes before Memorial Day," says his attorney. We had no idea lawyers had any sense of style. [MSNBC]