After months of tireless research and many sleepless nights, former ANTM judge Janice Dickinson concludes that Tyra Banks is, in fact, a total heffer who deserves to be slaughtered for the greater good.

Meanwhile, Jennifer Lover Hewitt's "healthy" figure saved her less newsworthy life.

[Note: The Internet gods keep taking the video, so we're sending you elsewhere for the nasty goods.]

Tyra Banks again broadened America's horizons by hosting MTV's resident bisexual, Tila Tequila.

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Tyra Banks used her nationally-syndicated talk show to explore the ins and outs of the world's greatest mystery: the vagina. And, of course, no vaginally-charged discussion would be complete without some puppetry, which we thought you could only do with the penis.

Senator Barack Obama knows that if there's one television show every presidential candidate must appear on, it's Tyra Bank's gab-fest. Because, really, where else are you going to get such soft ball topics as shopping for crystal vases?

Above you see a picture of Tyra Banks popping a squat. After the jump, we've included four NSFW images of artist Jessica Lagunas' newest video. Of his project, Lagunas says:

In the name of beauty most women will put on makeup, do their hair, nails, depilate, diet, fix their noses and breasts. Although few women will reach society’s beauty ideals, they will sculpt their bodies as needed. In this video I play along with women’s beauty routines, performing them in exaggerated ways to reflect the pressures imposed by today’s society.

See what she means, after the jump…

(Again, NSFW and those who really don't like vagina.)

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Ms. Tyra Banks took to YouTube recently for a bit of self-promotion.

Watch as she attempts to merge high school cheers, spelling and comedy. It's anything but pretty…

You guys may have already seen this, but here's episode four of the uproariously funny YouTube series, Planet Unicorn. In this installment, our beloved wonders learn what Chris Elliot already knew*: modeling's an ugly business.

Watch for a special Tyra appearance and listen for the extra special theme remix. Also, please note Tom Cruise isn't pretty enough to model.

*Bonus points for readers who get this reference.

There's an email circulating around town which suggests Jay Manuel and his miraculous hair may be leaving America's Next Top Model. Either that or network executives are offering viewers double the faggy fun.

A source close to the Tyra Banks-hosted beauty contest sent out a memo looking for a Manuel-esque, amiable, "honest" art director. Hmm, could it be that Manuel - who also produced ANTM - has decided to put all of his energies into hosting the show's Canadian counterpart? Or perhaps he's spending more time offering the lonely hearts at Match.com a little love advice?

Of course, Manuel may also just want to spend more time with his boyfriend, who he allegedly once described to Elle Girl as a "rock hard top". Ewwww…

(PS: We have searched high and low for that Elle Girl interview, but to no avail. Gay gold star to the reader who produces the revolting text.)

• Tyra Banks loves Rosie O'Donnell's ta-tas.

• Friday's 20/20 features a Barbara Walters piece on transgender children and their families. Discussing the experience, Walters tells Dan Avery: "I am astounded by their courage. I think these children have a very hard future to face. In some ways it’s heartbreaking, but in other ways it’s uplifting. I had heard of the diagnosis and knew people went through this, but nothing prepared me for the love and sensitivity these people have for their children. That’s what this is about." If only all journalists were so altruistic.

• Colombia grows more than coca. Gay activists have been pushing for expanded rights. And people are getting hooked…

• "Obama The Magic Negro"? How does Rush Limbaugh's butt boy, Paul Shanklin still have a job. Seriously…

• The European Union may be gearing up for a bit of a gay battle with Poland. Our money's on The Union.

• Louis Vuitton and other luxury brands vow to stop hiring such nasty, snotty cunts.

Who doesn't love Amanda Lepore? Well, okay, there's that HRC member who didn't appreciate her behavior at the group's NYC gala last weekend, but we think the majority of queers appreciate the legendary scenester's perspective, beauty and, yes, absurdity.

And speaking of absurdity, we can't get enough Tyra Banks. Sure, she's a terrible journalist, shamelessly patronizing and unbelievably full of herself, but we're hopelessly addicted to her television show. It's great therapy, actually. Whenever we're angry with the world, we just turn it on, yell at her utter stupidity and feel like a million bucks.

That said, you can be sure we loved the episode on which Lepore had a little heart-to-heart with the model mogul. So, we're posting it again for those of you who may have missed it.

(PS: We think Lepore's way prettier than busted ass Tyra.)

We're kicking ourselves for missing yesterday's Tyra, on which the peerless Tyra Banks blasted people for calling her "fat". Thank the technological gods for YouTube, for we never would have experienced this brilliant clip of Banks getting all sorts of worked up and telling the tabbies to "kiss my fat ass". Go on with your fat-assed self, girl.

(Also, in light of Banks' statements, we've included another video after the jump. You may think we're being assholes, but just wait until the final message.)

CONTINUED »

• Are we the only ones confused by the news that Tyra Banks and rapper Chingy are dating? No? We didn't think so. [Star Magazine]

• Selling pregnancy tests as HIV tests does not qualify as a Halloween "trick". That's a crime. [BBC]

• HRC President Joe Solmonese wants you to vote. He also wants to spread jam on Rick Santorum and eat him. [The Advocate]

• Meanwhile, British homo-activo Peter Tatchell wants to see former Iranian president Mohammad Khatami locked up for human rights abuse of homos. No mention of cannibalism. [The Guardian]

• Footballer player turned ESPN announcer Brian Kinchen just got suspended after sort-of homophobic remarks. What did he say? Something about caressing a football being gay, or something. [MSNBC]

We've just seen yesterday's episode of The Tyra Banks Show on which Kevin Aviance (looking fab, we must say) tearfully recalled his attack and Shirley Phelps Roper (daughter of everyone's favorite homophobic monster, Fred Phelps) explained that Tyra's a fag-enabler. Tyra, of course, was none too pleased and proceeded to get into an argument with Shirley about how she wouldn't argue with her. (Hey, she's a model, what do you want?)

Is it us or does Shirley look a little too excited to be on Tyra? She's either thinking she's totally made it, cumming in her pants over the millions of homos she's about to piss off, or is attempting to send death rays through the television. Either way you cut it, it's one of the most disturbing things we've ever seen. And we've seen a lot of disturbing things…

• Mel Gibson on Good Morning America. (And something else?) [Gawker]

• Kirk on Foley. (And Hastert, too.) [365 Gay]

• "Borat" on faggotry. (And touches upon Kazakhstan.) [The Advocate]

• Harley-Davidson on beef jerky. (And…???) [Rocking Mountain News]

• Kim Ficera on gay rumors. (And with all the big names.) [AfterEllen]

• Kevin Aviance is on Tyra Banks Today! (And go!) [The Tyra Banks Show]

• Ireland on big changes. (And that's all folks!) [Ireland Online]

We're ashamed to admit this, but we figure we're all friends, so we can trust you. Right? Well, we like to think so. Anyway, we really like The Tyra Banks Show (See Tyra looking crazy?). Yeah, she puts words in people's mouths and her sincerity often drops into the double negatives, but that only makes it all the more infuriatingly entertaining.

We're nowhere near religious viewers, of course, as we spend most of our time hunched over a computer or running around trying to satisfy your bottomless appetite for all things gay, so we didn't see last weeks episode with child stars until last night. Among the illustrious guests were Ian Zaring (looking far more attractive than he ever did on 90210), Jaimee Foxworth, the long-lost sister from Family Matters who ended up doing porn under the name "Crave", and - the guest who concerns his particular post - Jonathan Lipnicki (pictured), the kid from Jerry Maguire.

A hard-hitting journalist to be sure, Banks delved straight into Lipnicki's adolescent sex life. As she got more into it, Ms. Tyra couldn't stop gushing about how she thought Lipnicki a sexy hunk. (Yes, she literally used those words, just not in that particular phrase.) Um…this bitch must have the worst timing in history. Hello, Mark Foley!

We suspect more than a few of you out there enjoy Banks and her mind-numbing talk show as much as we do, so we implore you: get us the video! We've scoured You Tube to no avail. Maybe we just don't have the right wordage. No matter, you're probably not too busy, so find it for us and earn our undying love.