Pat Bagley, the editorial cartoonist of The Salt Lake Tribune reminds us that Utah isn't just full of crazy, intolerant religious fanatics– and also manages to be funny about an issue that has everybody very, very upset. It sure beats Snagglepuss, at least. There's a Mormon-related 'toon by Bagley after the jump.

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A Utah newspaper sparked a war of words after publishing a lesbian couple's civil union announcement. And, rather than folding to cancellation demands and irate readers, nor blatantly supporting the scores of supporters, the paper decided to boil it all down to the nitty gritty green:

…Kresta Spencer and Carrie Taylor's ad about their upcoming union in Salt Lake City ran July 27 in The Herald-Journal.

Since then, the newspaper has received two letters to the editor (one for and one against), 10 e-mails, several phone calls and four subscription cancellations over publication of the announcement.

A Friday letter to the editor denouncing the ad drew about 160 pro and con comments on the paper's Web site by late Monday.
…
The paper released a statement Friday, saying editors followed a policy on gay-wedding announcements - written in 2006 in case the situation ever arose. The Spencer-Taylor ad was the first. "Since wedding announcements are paid space…the newspaper management feels a responsibility to give all paying customers equal access to the service," the statement read.

Money: a value we can all understand…

Activists protested outside a Salt Lake City courthouse yesterday following the arrest of David James Bell, a local drag performer whom they claim is the victim of anti-gay violence. Police say otherwise. Any way you cut it, this story's one for the books:

[Bell] was beaten after he allegedly kidnapped the two children of a neighbor, and the father discovered the children in his house. His live-in boyfriend was also beaten severely after he tried to break up the fight.

Bell faces two charges of child kidnapping and one charge of burglary. His bail is currently set at $100,000, which was not changed during Tuesday's hearing in 3rd District Court.

According to court documents, Bell took his neighbor's 2-year-old and 4-year-old children from their home while they were sleeping early in the morning on July 4. The children were not harmed.

The protesters argued that the men were attacked because of their sexual orientation, a claim prosecutors dispute. No charges have been filed against the father.

Witnesses insist the children wandered over to Bell's house after being disrupted by their parents' late-night party, which was still going on at 6am, when the children were discovered missing.

Bell's friends and defenders claim the neighbors reacted so rashly because of Bell's sexuality. Said his attorney, "If the mother had gone to that house and found D.J. with his wife, this would not have happened. But they jumped to the conclusion [that], since he’s gay, he must also be a child molester.

Utah politician Jenny Wilson's a clever woman.

The Salt Lake County councilwoman will introduce legislation expanding the region's insurance laws to cover gay and lesbian employees. Expecting conservative backlash, Wilson, who is a Democrat, based her bill on Salt Lake City's, which purposefully ignores sexuality:

[Wilson] will urge her colleagues to widen the county's coverage to include any "adult designee" who lives with an employee and is financially interdependent.
…
While the policy could have a profound impact on the county's gay and lesbian staffers, the benefits aren't tied to sexual orientation - a detail that could make the change more palatable to Republicans, who scuttled Wilson's first attempt to create a domestic-partners program.

Under Salt Lake City's broader adult-designee policy, 78 percent of participants are not gay.

The council's dominated by Republicans 5-4, but we're hoping at least one GOP member can be persuaded to do the right thing, rather than the Right thing.

Libertarians sure know how to raise a stink.

Party members in Utah have joined forces for a very vocal protest against Dell Schanze, who wants to be the state's Libertarian gubernatorial candidate.

Former leaders aren't having it and hope to push him from the ticket. And, yes, some opposition rests on Schanze's anti-gay, decidedly un-Libertarian principles. Former party leader Jim Dexter remarked, "If anything, Super Dell is an anti-libertarian. He’s a bully, a bigot and a homophobe who has fired employees because they were gay or non-LDS…"

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A Utah PTA board canceled its meeting last night after gay activists balked at a featured speaker's homophobic origins.

Stephen Graham of the Mormon-centric Standard of Liberty had been scheduled to speak at American Fork High School, but found himself ditched after activists at Utah Pride highlighted his anti-gay rhetoric. Yana Walton brought the issue up to the board's President, Belinda Jensen, and asked for an opportunity to defend her position against Graham's homophobic rhetoric.

Rather than giving Walton equal time, however, Jensen and her colleagues decided to simply ax the entire event, which seems a bit excessive to us. For the record, Graham insists he's not anti-gay. He just doesn't think the world should approve of "homosexuality as an activity and accepted mindset."

Utah's justice system loves injustice! The Tenth Circuit court decided that Utah's Transit Authority did nothing wrong when it fired transgendered worker, Krystal Etsitty.

Born a man, Krystal began hormone therapy four years before UTA hired her as a substitute driver. While working in that capacity, Etsitty - and other drivers - use public bathrooms.

In those initial weaks, Etsitty used the men's room. As she settled into her new job, however, she met with her supervisor Pat Chatterson to get things straight.

During that meeting, Etsitty told Atterson she planned on becoming a woman. Chatterson offered his unconditional support, thus leading Etsitty to believe the state-run agency supported her decision. They didn't.

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We've never understood the argument that anal sex isn't natural. Seriously - have these anal attackers ever even done it in the poop chute? It's a perfect fit! Unless, of course, you're sleeping with some loosey-goosey gutter slut.

Regardless, the Utah legislature continues to toe the anti-sodomy line: they've just voted to uphold the state's anachronistic laws against so-called deviant sexual practices. Well, as far as gay couples are concerned. Only married hetero couples are allowed to get down and dirty. Openly gay Senator Scott McCoy attempted to repeal the law, but the ruling GOP refused to comply. Or even debate. Of their staunch conservative stance, McCoy mused:

I have a hard time understanding how the state could say we have an interest in the sex, in the intimate associations of two unmarried persons, but we don’t have an interest in the intimate associations of two married people. It’s black or white. It’s the exact same action. What’s the difference if it’s done in a married relationship? There’s no rational distinction between those two settings.

The rational, of course, lies in many of the lawmaker's religious leanings and the fact that they think homos will burn in hell for all eternity. Unfortunately, not all the politicians could find the words to describe their aversion. "If you have to ask why sodomy should be illegal in Utah…" Senate Majority leader Curt Bramble said before trailing off and continuing, "…Because I believe sodomy should be illegal in Utah.” Oh, well, he must think he's the voice of God, or something.

• Now that you're mind's been completely blown by Hilary Duff's incredible charisma, you may be interested to hear that pot activists, Americans for Safe Access have filed a lawsuit against the federal government. Basing their argument on last week's study affirming marijuana's medicinal affects in HIV patients - that is, the patients getting high felt way better than those getting a stupid placebo - the ASA hopes to end the government's reign of bummer-inducing tyranny. [CBS News]

• Meanwhile, the democracy-seeking Second Life Liberation Army has launched its first attack against cyber-world Second Life - blowing up an American Apparel and Reebok stores, thus sparking what may become a virtual war on terror. One militant member said, "The population of the world should have a say in the running of the world". Um, he does know Second Life doesn't really exist? [Second Life Liberation Army]

• Utah-based journo Jay Walker's blowin' up Fred Phelps and Friends' spot. He thinks that if the "God Hates Fags" protesters insist on blowing Leviticus out of proportion, they'd better start practicing the Bible's other "outrageous" laws, like stoning rape victims. [The Daily Utah]

• Come hell or high water, New York Bishop Mark Sisk will not let the Anglican Communion blow up his moral integrity. Of the group's prescribed ban on the American Episcopal's gay loving ways, Sisk says, "I am not in the least prepared to make any concession that strikes at the heart of my conviction that gay and lesbian people are God's beloved children." Go on, girl! [NYDN]

• Speaking of girls going on: is Britney Spears looking to blow up the world record for most rehab visits in a week? [Jossip]

• The Roxy will close its doors on March 10th. It'll will be blown up a few days later. [Joe. My. God.]

• Go blow up David Lachapelle's spot at Soho's Taschen store. In turn, he'll sign your copy of his new book and give you an invite to the after party. It's going on right now, you'd better get going. And so should we… [Gothamist]

While HRC and its homies were living it up, New Jersey's Evesham School District put the smack down on a video called That's a Family! A raw piece of educational material, the tawdry film features swaths of families, including a family with gay parents and another with - gasp - single mothers! A number of concerned parents called the video "disturbing" - a word we don't think quite sums up the horrors of realistic pedagogy - and rallied for the film to be banned from the curriculum. After two weeks of deliberation, the board has crumbled to the hysterical parents' demands and the children's education will continue to be safe against anything progressive, true or in anyway relevant to the world, their lives and/or rationality.

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We've got too much exciting stuff planned for you today to dwell in the Foley drudges, so we'll try to make this quick.

First Foley-related point: New (anonymous) allegations claim that the openly gay Republican, Jim Kolbe, knew of Foley's naughty little emails as far back as 2000. Not surprisingly, Kolbe denies the allegations. Five bucks the mysterious allegations came from Dennis Hasturd's office. Okay, make it ten.

Second Foley-related point: Of the scandal, Republican Chris Cannon tries to deflect some of the blame. He says, "These kids are actually precocious…[This email] looks like uh, maybe this one email is a prank where you had a bunch of kids sitting [around] egging this guy on.

Frankly, this is the responsibility of the parents…If you get online you may find people who are creepy. There are creepy people out there who will do and say creepy things. Avoid them. That's what you have to do. And maybe we can say that a little more to the pages"
Or, rather than repeating warnings about the internet, why not tell Congressional leaders to stop trying to sleep with pages because that's just creepy.

When Democrats responded negatively to Cannon's words, he back tracked and put more blame on the parents. As long as a Republican doesn't take the fall, Cannon would probably blame his own mother.

Third Foley-related point: Since Foley resigned from his post, he's escaped official Congressional censure for this entire scandal. But, he's far from safe - there's still the possibility of federal charges. Even if the government takes pity on him, he'll still have to face the Floridians. If found guilty, he'll be forced to wear sleeveless shirts before being fed to the crocs. That's the Florida way.