If our calculations are correct, Mark Foley should be getting out of rehab any second now. While people in rehab typically shy away from the rest of the world, we're pretty sure Foley knows what a stink his email exchanges with Congressional pages have raised.

He's probably scared shitless right now, thirsting for the hooch (read: teenage boys) that sent him to detox in the first place. Who wouldn't be? Washington's been torn asunder, child protection advocates are frothing at the mouth, and his entire fucking life's basically down the toilet.

Don't worry, Marky, not everyone hates you. Consider this article by the appropriately monikered Madeline Crabb (pictured above in what we hope was 1992).

So, what's this cringe-worthy piece entitled? "Foley, homosexuality, and character (Part One)". Yeah, that's right. Part one. This bitch loves her some Foley.

There are so many notable bits here that we're at a loss. For example:

For over two weeks we have been hearing a lot of stories about former congressman Mark Foley who got caught sending emails to a congressional page. He at least had the good sense to resign. Yes, the press and the liberal "elitists" have claimed this is a scandal…

…[W]hy are we even having this public debate over old Mark? It's not like he's the first homosexual in Congress. The liberal elitists, or we-know-what's-best-for-you crowd, have been pushing homosexuality down our proverbial throats for years. They have even told us that the Boy Scouts are wrong to ban homosexuals from being scout leaders because these pure, wholesome, same-as-you-and-me homosexuals would never harm boys. Uh huh.

We're actually speechless.

(Thanks Mike.)

In his undying quest to expose hypocrisy among government officials, Blogactive's Mike Rogers set his sights on Republican National Committee Chairman, Ken Mehlman (pictured).

Mehlman's sexuality has long been a Washington mystery and when asked, he's offered two contradictory answers: one, that people shouldn't have to answer such questions and, two, that he's not gay.

Tenacious to say the least and armed with a video camera, Rogers recently cornered Mehlman at a DC-conference to find out the truth. So, what did Mehlman have to say for himself?

Follow this here link to find out for yourself.

What would the morning be with a quick update on the scandal of the moment? We'll keep it short, we promise.

Expanding their investigation into how deep in the shit Foley actually is, the FBI has started questions former Congressional pages who may have had contact with the disgraced pol in the past. First on the list, Jordan Edmund, who worked as a House page in both 2001 and 2002. The political go-getter's currently slaving away on Republican Ernest Istook's gubernatorial campaign in Oklahoma, where his meeting with the FBI will be taking place. Oh to be a fly on the wall in that one…

Edmund's just the beginning of what may prove to be a disastrous investigation for Foley, who's currently in rehab for his alleged alcohol problem. We can't help but wonder if he's keeping track of all this drama, or if he's stuck his head in the sand a la Speaker Dennis "Hasturd" Hastert.

Speaking of ol' Turd-ball, a new CBS poll "shows" (as much as these things really can) that 46% of American people think the Speaker should step down from him post. Tenacious to say the least, Hasturd's insisted again and again that not only will he not step down, he intends to keep the seat for another term. Considering that the aforementioned CBS poll also suggests that four out of five people believe the GOP cares more about political standing than the safety of Congressional pages, Turdie better count his blessings…

All the Foley fall out, coupled with gay history month (and a few helpful links from our friends over at Virtual Matter), bring back memories of another gay political sex scandal. Harking back to the days of George Bush Sr. (an era that seems glorious compared to the fuck-all job his son's been doing) this scandal involved Republicunts procuring kiddie sex from a national kidnapping/pimping racket. The fall-out reached the upper echelons of the government.

Though no top leaders from the inner sanctums of the West Wing were ever arraigned, two Republican officials, George Spence and Lawrence King, took much of the heat for the scandal.

A documentary called The Conspiracy of Silence chronicling the impropriety had been scheduled to air on The Discovery Channel back in 1994. Unfortunately, after government officials threatened legislative action, it got yanked faster than a teenage wank. Luckily, it's available at You Tube. (Don't you love the internet?) We'd post it for you, but it's about an hour long and, well, we can't do everything for you.

Also, another source tells us that one of the boys kidnapped and sold into the sex ring recently surfaced on his mother's door step and told her that he he could never testify because too many high ranking officials would be implicated, thus putting his already torturous life in danger. He then kissed her and made himself scarce. No word's been heard from him since.

This was way before Mark Foley's time, but we bet the pervo's sorry he missed all those late-night kiddie orgies. (Oh, and if you're wondering what that picture is, it's Lady Justice, flying down to start some major shit.)

A few cities across the country have employed gay police liaisons in an effort to curb homophobic aggression on the behalf of their police forces. Now, The Washington Gay and Lesbian Liaison is being cited as a model. Founded in 2000, the 15-member strong group works with other flat foots and community volunteers (aka snitches) to solve crimes among gay communities. We think that's swell, but what we find most alluring is the group's leader, Sgt. Brett Parson (pictured). According to a piece from 365 Gay, the "burly" Parson gave up his gig as a hockey ref to fight crime. Forget superheroes, we want more coppers like Parson. We'll gladly snitch.

Our nation's capital has so far made little progress in the fight against HIV, and part of the problem has to do with testing. Either D.C. residents are more reluctant to get tested than residents of other cities (not likely) or the Administration for HIV Policy and Programs has bungled the process of gathering the numbers thus far despite receiving gobs of federal funding.

The group has announced that before the end of this year they will be launching an aggressive new campaign to test everyone in the city between the ages of 14 and 84 for HIV. They will be distributing 80,000 oral HIV testing kits to area hospitals, local health organizations, and schools, and will also be holding screenings in Freedom Plaza, which began on Tuesday.

If you live in D.C., please go to Freedom Plaza and get a test. The oral tests are easy, painless, take 20 minutes, and the AHPP will keep your results completely confidential.

Testing Away HIV [Washington Post]

• A note to all British gays trying to get married in Hong Kong. "You're in China now, bitch! No marriage for you." [IHT]

• A trannie who served in the Navy during Operation Desert Shield is running for Congress in Missouri as a Republican. Midge Potts is running low on cash, but not on opinions, and we love her. [Columbia Daily Tribune]

• Sen. John McCain is definitely voting against the Federal Marriage Amendment, but supports outlawing samesex marriage in his home state of Arizona. Dammit, he's a federalist not a homo-lover! [Arizona Republic]

• Gays do not have to sit at the back of the bus in D.C., even if the homophobic bus driver tells them to. [Washington Blade]

• Gays have no constitutional rights whatsoever according to U.S. Supreme Court Justice Scalia. At least he tells us how he really feels. [365 Gay]

• Washington D.C.'s new "Prostitution-Free Zones" open the possibility of arresting anyone who has no "apparent lawful reason" to be in designated areas of the city. Some say the new law encourages profiling, and transgender activists and Tara Reid are all very concerned. [Washington Blade]

• Portugal is now accepting gay blood after lifting its ban. We wonder if Portuguese donors have to be celibate like the Red Cross would require its gay donors to be under its proposed new policy. [Pink News]

• The celebration for equal marriage rights for gays in the Australian Capital Territory may be shortlived. Prime Minister John Howard has promised to overturn any such law that is passed, much to the relief of homophobic jerks everywhere. [BBC]

If you’ve ever ridden the amazingly clean and orderly DC metro system, you’ve heard the polite but stern voice urging you to “please stand clear of the doors,” and “doors closing.” Well, the new voice, chosen after winning Metro’s “Doors Closing Contest 2006,” is a lesbian.

Randi Miller, 44, was selected this week by a judging panel as the voice of Metro from a pool of 1,259 entries in the "Doors Closing Voice 2006" contest. Some of the other finalists will record other announcements for Metro stations, but Miller will be the one behind the new on-train messages that will replace "doors closing," and, "please stand clear of the doors — thank you," that are so familiar to Washingtonians.

We guess all those visits to the Rug Doctor really do wonders for the voice. Miller wasn’t the only gay to enter the contest either. We hear a few drag queens tried out, but Metro wasn’t comfortable with loudly transmitting over the intercom “Girl, the train leavin’, move your ass out of the damn way.”

The new voice of D.C.'s subway is family [Washington Blade]

What with Harriett Miers and the Valerie Plame scandal, there's more heat in Washington D.C. these days than Madonna's new album. So we got to thinking: what do the city's gays do to celebrate a whole slate of upcoming Republican indictments?

First, you need to get some food in your stomach to prepare for a night of elephant stomping fun. Our boyfriend swears Pizza Paradiso has the best pizza on earth, and he won't touch a carb unless he has to, so we're inclined to believe him. If you want to spend a few bucks, head to avant-garde Middle Eastern tapas hipster restaurant Zatynia. Good food, hot guys and belly dancers.

Now it's time to play the Indictment Drinking Game. Start classy, and have a drink at the Tabard Inn's fabulous bar. Next, turn the corner and head up 17th street to gay-frat bar J.R.'s. And since D.C. is one of the very few cities in the U.S. you can see dongs waved in front of your face, Secrets is a must. Celebrate the downfall of the Republican Party and tip a dancer one dollar for each indictment.

You'll need someplace to take that depressed Republican staffer you picked up, so we suggest the Hay-Adams, a fab converted mansion. For you history buffs on a budget, head back to the boutique Tabard Inn (Julia Roberts stays there!), where rooms have stylish claw foot tubs and you can dine in their on-site restaurant with fresh vegetables grown at the owner's Virginia farm.