Ted Haggard Wants Your Dough

Ted Haggard thinks he can pull the wool over his former flock’s eyes.

After being pushed from the pulpit for his gay, drug-fueled affair with reformed hooker, Mike Jones, the Evangelical and his poor family plan to set up shop in Phoenix.

From the way Haggard tells it, the move’s putting a bit of strain on his wallet. And he needs a little help from his friends.

In a letter to Colorado ABC affiliate KRDO’s consumer reporter, Tak Lanrock, Haggard writes:

It looks as though it will take two years for us to have adequate earning power again, so we are looking for people who will help us monthly for two years. During that time we will continue as full time students, and then, when I graduate, we won’t need outside support any longer.

But for the next two years, we will need support. Between now and the end of the year, we have to find the people who want to help us transition into our future. So I am starting today to let friends like you know that we are raising money for support as we move into the Phoenix Dream Center.

How queer, because, as Colorado Confidential points out, he’s got plenty of access to plenty of money:

In addition to agreeing to move away from Colorado Springs as part of his severance package, Haggard reportedly agreed not to talk about his scandal publicly. New Life Church leaders agreed to pay his salary through 2007; when he was fired he was making about $138,000 annually. The Haggards are not listed in Arizona telephone directories, and could not be reached for comment.

But according to the El Paso County Assessor’s office, the Haggards bought their 2-story house, at 1865 Old Ranch Road in northeastern Colorado Springs, for $522,000 in 2001. Its current market value is $715,051

Maybe he’s saving it for hookers and meth?

As a side note, it’s sort of comforting to see Haggard’s puckered face back on these pages. Welcome back, Ted, you deceitful son of a bitch!