Each week, Queerty picks one blowhard, hypocrite, airhead, sanctimonious prick or other enemy of all that is queer to be the Douche of the Week. Have a nominee for DOTW? E-mail it to us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
It’s time again to reach into our massive medicine cabinet and pick the Douche of the Week. This time, the honor goes to the acclaimed Texas author/televangelist/bigot Joel Osteen!
He’s what we like to call a tip-toe douche: If it were up to him, he’d tip-toe around the issue when asked. He’ll say things like, “I’m not trying to bash anybody,” and “there are other sins in the bible too and sometimes the Church, and I don’t mean this critically, we focus on one issue.”
Listen, Joel, tip-toe all you like but at the end of the day you’re either with us or against us. And as he proved on Piers Morgan Tonight on Tuesday, this d-bag is obviously against us.
“I’m not mad at anybody, I don’t dislike anybody,” he tells Morgan. “But respecting my faith and believing what the scripture says, that’s the way I interpret it…200 years from now, the Scripture is still going to say that.” It’s odd Osteen can tell us what the Scriptures say, because by his own admission he never attended seminary or has received any training in religious studies.
This is hardly Osteen’s first offense: In 2009, Osteen told Whoopi Goldberg on The View that “homosexuality is not God’s best.” When he appeared on Piers Morgan Tonight back in January, he mentioned some watered-down nonsense about how homosexuality is a sin, but that he still loves everyone.
What’s worse is that Osteen is actually quite popular. His homophobia reaches over 7 million viewers in over 100 countries every Sunday. The tip-toe effect makes his brand of homophobia seem less crazy, and therefore more dangerous.
So, no, Mr. Joel “Summer’s Eve” Osteen. We do not care for your mild intolerance, just as we do not care for your Tim Allen quaff or plastic toothy grin.
All together now: What a douche!