Bearded Ladies

The 6 Best Queens You Won’t See on Drag Race

 

As much as we love our Drag Race, we can’t help but get a little tired of the same flawless beauties, gussying it up to make the mainstream judges believe that they are, indeed, the most crown-worthy cows of them all.

But what of the Queens whom we know and love for their imperfections? The messy queens with stubble who, night after night, provide us with the inspiration to laugh at them, ourselves, and our culture. They won’t show up on Drag Race anytime soon, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Here at Queerty, we take men in ill-fitting attire and bad makeup as seriously those blessed with the beauty of Aphrodite! Here’s our list of the top drag performers who don’t need RuPaul’s approval.

Specimen 1: PrimaDonna Reed

We’ll start with Ms. Reed, or “Primie” as she is known for similarity to a prematurely-born child. This captivating beauty has graced stages in LA, San Francisco and New York, which she will soon call home. While ever-beautiful and charming, she is perhaps best known for her hilarious portrayal of everything from a county cousin to a sophisticated heiress, always with a self-deprecating humor that is infectious.

Specimen 2: Christeene Vale

Christeene is getting more acclaim than ever, with chart-bottoming hits like “Fix my Dick” that seldom play anywhere, especially on your local radio. This Austin performer is so funny, she makes audiences think twice about bathing and learning. Instead, she encourages them to indulge in the sick-filthy underbelly she calls home: Texas.

Specimen 3: Drew Droege, aka Chloe Sevigny

Need to know the season’s must haves? Or the ins and out of hosting a special holiday? Well, look no further than Drew Droege, addressing us all seasonally as Chloe Sevigny with startlingly obvious observations about how we should be living our lives. For example, how ever would we have thought to wear partonizing chunk wedges from Nine West to complete our witches costume? As a culture, we all owe Drew a huge debt of gratitude.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqRP3yQt1aM&feature=related

Specimen 4: Ambrosia Salad

This San Francisco Drag favorite is no more than a lazy, out-of work immigrant-imposter collecting from numerous generous pockets and social welfare programs. Lucky for her they allowed such a HUGE foodstamp budget to this mother of 23. Ambrosia has led the underground scene for years, paying homage to her Latina culture as well as the counter-cultural pop-icons that fly under the radar and influence style around the world. Roisin Murphy, anyone?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLWdxIowgwY&feature=related

Specimen 5: Dina Martina

When even Joyce DeWitt admits that you rock her style better than she does, you know you have cemented you star status. With Dina, its three’s company, wig’s a crowd. Her performances are a hit on the YouTubes, or less frequently out and about on the Seattle scene.

Specimen 6: Lady Bear

One of our most beloved queens, Lady Bear has made quite an impression on the entire west coast. When not starring in failed cable-pilot vehicles, she can be found frequenting the finest airport restaurants in California! Watch out Terminal 2! Lady Bear’s fabled appearances are most often seen on Greyhound buses and McDonald’s locations, or every so often as the den mother of L.A’s Cub Scout.

Head on over to GayCities to find some drag shows near you, from San Francisco to London to Miami to New Orleans to Atlanta, but not Peoria.

Don't forget to share:

Help make sure LGBTQ+ stories are being told...

We can't rely on mainstream media to tell our stories. That's why we don't lock Queerty articles behind a paywall. Will you support our mission with a contribution today?

Cancel anytime · Proudly LGBTQ+ owned and operated