True, all airplane passengers, regardless of sexuality, are engaged in pretty disgusting and obnoxious stuff, from the junior congresswoman in first class with a finger in her ear to the father juggling three kids who clearly saw his five-year-old wipe a booger on the seat in front of him and didn’t make any attempt to clean it up. But gay men do some pretty aggravating things of their own during air travel. Some of it we’ve heard about. Some of it we’ve witnessed. And in at least one instance, we’ve engaged in it ourselves.
Attempt to join the Mile High Club.
Yes, we’ve all thought about it. And in movies and most people’s minds, having sex while a commercial aircraft is in the sky takes place in the bathroom. We’ve actually never seen this happen, nor heard any first-hand stories. (No, your ex-boyfriend’s best friend’s tale doesn’t count.) Probably because those bathrooms are so small, and the flight attendants are usually situated right next to them, apt to spy two guys heading in together. But sex, or sexual acts, do take place at 30,000 feet, though the easiest to be discrete about involve just the hands. A carefully placed blanket has two guys thinking they’re hiding something, but everyone knows you’re not using a Shake Weight machine under there. Whatever you do, please do not attempt the behavior pictured.
Cruise Grindr or Manhunt over wifi.
With Virgin, Delta, Continental and a growing roster of airlines offering wifi Internet access in the air, it was only a matter of seconds before passengers abused the service. It’s not just obnoxious loud talkers trying to make Skype calls — we’ve seen dudes on Xtube and, of course, cruising Grindr and Manhunt as the clouds roll by. Generally, we’ve got no problem with your social networking practices, but everyone knows the fifth line of a Grindr of Manhunt exchange involves sending cock shots in hopes of securing an encounter upon touch down. If you absolutely must declare your PNP status while flying, have the decency to turn your computer or iPhone screen away from the toddler sitting next to you.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Complain.
Just because there is a button to ring the flight attendant does not mean it needs pressing because your pillow isn’t soft enough or you need two extra blankets. We’ve noticed a disproportionate number of self-entitled queens boarding the plane and thinking they’re checking into a hotel. This is not what is happening when you walk down the gateway; you are actually boarding a human freight device, and it’s your job to make the ride as bearable for your neighbors as it is for you. Stop bitching about not having enough legroom; nobody does. Quit kvetching over having to pay for cookies; you should’ve brought your own sugar-free, gluten-free, carb-free alternative snack. And the guy in front of you is going to recline his seat, which might put a damper on the room you’ve afforded for Tickles, your stuffed penguin. Your routine isn’t cute at sea level. It’s particularly repulsive in the air.
Sneak aboard too many carry-on pieces.
With airlines charging all sorts of new fees, everybody is trying to squeeze their belongings into a carry-on size piece of luggage. That’s understandable, and an expected reaction the marketplace. But the carry-on rules still apply: one small suitcase, and one personal item (like a handbag or laptop case). No more. But the gays are going overboard, lugging their Louis Vuitton roller, Marc Jacobs tote, MacBook Pro, overstuffed Cavalli parka, and their puggle as they shimmy down the aisle into 42F. This leaves no overhead bin space for more reasonable passengers. We know, you’re returning from a fab-u-lous shopping trip, or you’re heading to your Swiss chalet and you must have at least two daytime outfits and three evening options, but if that’s the case, pay the stupid $25 and check your bag. Don’t make everyone else drown in your Tumi.
Flirt with the flight attendant.
Common wisdom suggests that if you see a man walking down the aisle of an airplane, and he wears that airline’s uniform, he is a homosexual. So far, we’ve been right seven out of seven times, and perhaps your hit rate is even higher. But flashing a smile at the cutey from your middle seat during beverage service is one thing. Engaging in a conversation that starts with “And where are you from?” and ends with “Well here’s my number” is another. Engage in all the eye fucking you want, but if your mid-air courtship keeps us from getting the tiny Absolut bottle we need to get through the flight, we’re gonna be pissed. And so too might the flight attendant: Just because he’s a captive audience, trapped between galleys, doesn’t mean he wants to hear about your boyfriend troubles. If he’s into you, you’ll know — by the extra nuts he hands you.
Brag about flying private.
While most of the above items concern gays flying commercial aircraft, with other peons, some of us are fortunate to fly private planes between Manhattan and Turks and Caicos, or Los Angeles and Telluride. That’s lovely. But nothing shows less class than tweeting about being in a P.P. And please, whatever you do, don’t TwitPic snaps of the Cristal you’ve been served. What, you want to look like this guy?
Michael
What’s the deal with Queerty today? 1st, I wasted my time reading an article about how some frat movie wasn’t homophobic which, in essence, was completely devoid of anything queer related. I then had to listen to Queerty bitch and twist the removal of third-party outings from DADT into a moan and groan when it’s actually a great step in the right direction. And now they’re presenting a complaint list of “gay” things which not only haven’t I done but it’s a list heterosexual people are just as guilty of doing. The rotten cherry on this cake is Queerty placing an ad in the middle of this list and having the ad on it’s own page.
I’m still baffled, though, how a frat film NOT being homophobic is considered gay news. Next thing you know they’ll give us a news item how Jimmy went out with his friends and wasn’t called a ‘fag’.
Tommy
That’s really heterosexist. Wow… If I read this right, the problem with gays on airplanes is that we’re whiny, materialistic sluts with no sense of common decency.
I’ve been on many a flight since getting an IPhone in 2007 and never once have I tried to schedule a booty call for touchdown. I’ve not given a handjob in a public place nor made sexual advances towards my flight attendants. That’s just good manners.
WTF Queerty?
Dimi
Hey my father was a flight attendant, he ain’t gay!
sumbody
It’s been a scratchy week on the Q. This article wasted everyone’s time.
Dee
Liked the frat boy review but this is pretty bad, Queerty
georgiaguy8
I was at the back of an Air Asia flight and the male flight attendent was having quite the conversation with a female flight attendent about his boyfriend. I loved it! I just thought, “We are everywhere” as I flew from Malaysia to Cambodia. Later, met a cute, young flight attendent in Bangkok from the same airline off duty. Air Asians guys rock!!!
adman
Queerty just freakin’ sucks lately. What are we, lab rats in some stupid marketing scheme? Lame.
Brian
Gotta agree – where’s the substance? This seemed really high school/gossipy to me, but maybe I’m just getting older and too serious.
Michael
…some of the things on here lately …
…
would have appealed to me when I was in high school after I just came out and anything that had the word GAY in it was exciting and fun.
Aren’t these six things that are annoying for…anybody?
Next list:
six foods that gays love.
You know, we’re a lot more like heteros than I think some of us would like to admit. Let’s not write things that separate us from them, and instead report on or discuss the (hopefully decreasing) instances in which the THEY separate us from them.
Fritzer
this is ridiculous
JIMMY
which is the right word? A or B?
A.”discrete” – 1 : constituting a separate entity : individually distinct
2 a : consisting of distinct or unconnected elements : noncontinuous b : taking on or having a finite or countably infinite number of values
B. “DISCREET” – 1 : having or showing discernment or good judgment in conduct and especially in speech : prudent; especially : capable of preserving prudent silence
2 : unpretentious, modest
3 : unobtrusive, unnoticeable
now, if you are say a writer for a blog or newspaper. it would seem to me that you would be able to USE the right DISCREET!!!!! when writing a post/story for your work.
Maury
As a gay man I can confidently say: The truth hurts, doesn’t it? Haha
Jose
#4 made me lol
it was “What Naruto character are you?!?!?!”
I was like WAT, since when do gays cosplay as anime characters on flights???
Aaron in Honolulu
I lot of these things are not exclusive to gay people. Queerty… fail.
Mysanthropic Destiny
I think this is meant to be satirical. Why is everyone complaining? It was obviously a joke bit from the first picture.
Mike in Asheville, nee "in Brooklyn"
@No. 15 Mysanthropic Destiny
….because satire is supposed to be witty and jokes are supposed to be funny. This article attempts both and fails at both. But then again, the writers are writers for Queerty and not writing for Jon Stewart.
Regarding the Mile High Club, member since 1990, it was the stewardess who told me and my new found making out buddy to “Go get a room!” as she pointed to the lavatory.
Cam
Is there a new writer on site, some of these articles, this one, the attack on Miley Cyrus even though she supports us etc… almost seem like they are being written by one of those just out of the closet “Yeah, I’m homosexual but I’m not a FAG.” types.
The Artist
Relax, relate, release! PEACELUVNBWILD!
drifter
I am reminded by #7 of the hurt I felt 15 years ago when I was flown to Dallas for an interview with American Airlines for a flight attendant only to be told more or less I was not what they were looking for.
Looking back they were right because I know I would have rammed that can of Diet Pepsi down the throat of any obnoxious queen coming back from Las Vegas after losing her shirt and neeeded someone to vent her anger at for losing what she could not afford to gamble away in the first place.
Again, whoever that old queen was who denied me the job, once again I say thank you very much for your wisdom and indirect help in keeping me out of jail. You were right. That job was NOT for me.
Solis
Come on Queerty … enough of this nonsense! Report on weightier issues concerning our Community … like perhaps the 6 yogurt flavors that tatooed Asian models prefer to indulge in while on a Gay cruise.
Richard
This should be retitled “The 6 Most Annoying Things Queerty’s Editors Do On Airplanes and then Project Onto All Other Gay Men to Justify Their Douchiness.”
Seriously, this fucking sucks. For a blog that purports to critique stereotypes of gay men, you do a damn good job of reifying them.
Joseph
I thought it was a cute article, mainly because I am an FA.
Joe
I rolled my eyes with every single one. I would not like to meet the person who wrote this. Probably one of those guys who thinks he’s funny and you’re face hurts from all the fake laughter you’re doing around him. ugh.
Isaiah
I’m not sure why so many people have written negatively about this entry. I actually liked this piece. It was funny and well-written. Not everything on a blog has to be so serious. Lighten up queens; we can laugh at ourselves.
anonymous #4
It is obvious many of you “girls” have never worked on a newspaper or blog. If you did you would understand that regardless of the article things must be refreshed and in todays environment of up to the second reporting there is nothing too mundane to report on.
So quit your bitching and Queerty, keep up the good job you are doing to keep the frustrated coming back for more.
I actually enjoyed it and laughed out loud at annoying habit number seven.
GimmeABreak
So, Dan Savage’s post was trans-phobic but this one by Queerty isn’t homophobic?? My schizophrenic sister-in-law displays more rational thinking than many of the LBGT complainers.
Aaron
Is there proofreading anymore? What does this mean in number 6?
“That’s understandable, and an expected reaction the marketplace” ?
geh
I stumbled upon this article looking for people who shared the belief that gay people are annoying.
Read this article anyway despite it being written by a squirmy faggot.
Suspicions confirmed.
Clark35
This was funny at times; but I’d hope that most gay men have the decency not to do these things.